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Me: You know. I've known you for like 8 months now and I like you. We're both unattached... what if I bought you dinner or something sometime?

Her: Ugh

Yes this happened today and it's a perfect summary of my love life.

I should add context. It was during an unsolicited phone call where she was talking about how lonely she is all the time. She was talking about wanting someone nice 'like you' to go out with and see what happens because she wants to be respected by someone for once. It seemed to me like a big flag saying "ask me out dummy!" so I pulled that trigger and got the same reaction as if the cat had puked on the floor.

GrantSmith 6 Feb 26

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14 comments

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1

thank her for letting you know early on that you really don't want to date her !

1

And that would have been the end of the '8 months' for me anyway. She baited you (ok, that in itself can be a good thing) and then insulted you when you took the bait. Not a nice person.

1

Like you but not you. you're her friend so its I think too late.

That's not what bothered me. It was the "ugh"

well, the "ugh" was her way of saying your friends hence saying someone like you. the iron had chilled when you struck. you missed the boat.

2
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6

Walk away. She does not respect you or your feelings, she is using you to get something she needs, someone to vent to that she doesn't have to emotionally invest in, and it is only going to end up causing you heartache, pain, and frustration.

3

As someone who greatly appreciates height-weight proportionality in prospective dates, I hope I've never been the jerk this woman is.
I would have asked too, given that lead-in.
She sound immature and self-centered. And mean, really.

1

Ouch. I'm going with "your friend has issues".

4

call and order a small pizza with one ingredient you know she don't like. have it delivered to her home.

Lol

4

I think this woman is using you as a prop. If she was interested you as a a friend only she would have been much more tactful when shooting down your date suggestion. Sorry, I think she is using you. I think she was just rude.

I have very few male friends, and they're friends because they are good guys but not interested in me as anything but a friend, I'm not their type. But I don' lament my love life with them either.

I'd go out to dinner with you in a heartbeat. Just saying. Life is too short to mess around.

3

Sorry man. That sucks.

Indeed.

5

Welcome to the friend zone, buddy. They call you to piss and whine about some guy they're fucking who treats them like dogshit. Meanwhile, you get to spend every night jerking off, waiting for the inevitable sobbing phone calls. That's how the friend zone works.

Next time she tries to pull that crap on you, interrupt her and tell her that you don't want to hear it. Let her know that if she really wanted a guy like you, then she'd be dating you.

You need to draw a line in the sand or you'll never be more to this person than a barely animate object which they can vent to when some useless turd fucks her over yet again. Tell her to go vent to her gay friends, and that she can give you a call when she wants to go out with you and do something fun. Let her know that using you as a no cost therapist is not acceptable.

If drawing a line in the sand ends it between you and this person, then so be it. She never really gave two shits about you anyway.

Right on, webbew 1. She just set him up, he honestly responded, then she knocked him down. Someday, after her 3rd divorce, she'll finally get that she friend-zoned all the good men right out of her life.

4

That's rude. She sounds like a flake who should be just be looking for friendship.

I think maybe you are right.

4

How inconsiderate of her to whine to you about her loneliness and respond in such a distasteful way at your proposal.

She's either completely clueless or incredibly callous.
Neither of which, are good qualities in a human.

I hope you find a suitable partner who makes you feel valued and appreciated.

4

😟 how rude.
I'm not excusing her reply whatsoever but perhaps simply offering dinner would have sufficed rather than prefacing the length of time you've known one another and single status.
Sorry you had to find out, albeit harshly, that they're not interested.

I like my "are you trying to get me to fire you approach" with regards to interactions of all kinds.
For example, I'm in this topic specific community and have a vintage "bible" on said topic that I collect to give to people-gratis no strings!

I offered a mint one to a local woman who expressed interest in it over drinks, but she put the time off for a week, never following up. I figure if it and I are important enough to her, she'd not have flaked, so I'm not going to hold on to this book for her if someone more interested comes along.

I don't have a lot of patience for flakes and when I'm feeling flakey don't expect people to put up with that in me either. Reciprocity is everything nowadays, maybe not in equal amounts tit for tat, but no time for being iced when I've made a real effort to connect in any given situation these days.

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