Two years ago I had a near death experience of having to have quadruple heart bypass surgery at 46. At the time I was miserably married to a narcissist drug addict who was in rehab and I was taking care of two kids by myself. My now ex wife had stressed me out so much she almost killed me.

After surgery, I decided to take inventory of my life and I discovered that I was miserable with my wife. I had thought god had chosen her for me and he wanted me to help her get better and stay with her because the Bible said so. Something just dawned on me that I was completely wrong about her and if I was wrong about her then what else was I wrong about.

I then started looking at my relationship with the Christian god. It started as a kid. I remember going to church and being scared to death of being a sinner and going to hell. So I got saved. Yes it was a wonderful feeling but looking back why wouldn’t it be. I was told that if I didn’t I would burn in Hell for eternity so if I felt I did something to prevent that I should’ve felt relieved. Then I thought about all the guilt and shame that I’ve felt all my life for perceived sins I’ve done. That’s no way to live feeling guilty and shame all the time.

Then I decided that I would do some research on Jesus and Christianity and have an open mind. I watch Christian dilemma and other fact finding documentaries on Christianity. I was led to believe that there was all kind of historical evidence on Christianity but when researching there was none. There are no first century historical documents on Jesus and the main proof that people use for Jesus was written 20 or more years after his death. Josephus is the main person used as Jewish historian to declare Jesus is real and he was born 5 to 10 years after Jesus death. I then thought back to my childhood in the 70s and all of the inaccurate information that I was told growing up about a variety of topics and thought surely the same thing happened back then in a society with no mass communications like tv. They were apt to believe sensational stories.
Then I looked at history of church. There really wasn’t much of a church for first few hundred of years until Constantine made it the official religion of Roman Empire and was supposedly converted. However based upon statues and other evidences Constantine didn’t fully convert and maintained the Roman gods as part of his life. The Catholic Church was then formed and during council of Nivea they determined what would be in New Testament Bible. Then I discovered one thing that I never had heard of. That they were at least 25 people before Christ that had exact same story of savior, crucified and resurrection and also that there were multiple earlier versions of flood Adam and Eve in other cultures. This all blew my mind away and the proof was inescapable.
I had been brainwashed by fear and guilt and been told that if I even do much as question god that I was going to Hell. After having two children and trying to make them mind I understood completely about Christianity. It’s a form of control to force you to do things. It’s very similar to making a child do something and threaten them and when they ask why should I do something you say Because I said so. It’s just people wanting to show their authority over you.