The people I've been most attractive to, I didn't necessarily find them to be that way right away. But there was something about them that I wanted to get to know more about, and as I did they became more attractive in my eyes. It was more about the way they carried themselves and their overall presence, and that for me is more than skin-deep.

I think for some people looks aren't important at all, but those people are rare. As with most things, we all fit somewhere on a spectrum - for some, looks are what matters most, for others personality matters most. How much one way or the other depends on the individual.

I don’t buy it either. But sex and physical affection is important to me. I have a “type” I like but I’m also open to different body types. But there’s also deal breakers for me.

Looks truly are the last thing I care about when it comes to a relationship. My priorities are different though. I don't actively seek out partners, I wind up falling in love with my closest friends. My current relationship came about online and at a distance, where I got to know them before we ever saw each other and I loved who they were at their cores. Things like mutual interests, common beliefs, openly communicating our deepest fears and desires, the kind of stuff plenty of people discuss in a relationship, but not usually before they meet in person and find a physical attraction first. We do a lot of video chats now and I can say with complete honesty that they're both the most attractive people in the world to me. Bearing in mind I don't notice what celebrities are 'hot', nor do I tend to care what people on the street look like.

That said, once I'm invested in someone, their gender, race, body type, etc all mean nothing. Sexual attraction developed from our emotional connection and I love them exactly as they are.

I identify as a "shallow Hal" and yet...

And yet, I have gotten to know someone who does NOT fit my filters, does not satisfy the inner "Hal" and been very attracted to them.

Conversely, I have gotten to know someone that my inner "Hal" was panting over and... well, let's just say that when I got to know them "Hal" shut up and hid for a while.

I am going to refer to a quote from my wife "size doesn't matter accept in the extreme." I think this is true with how attractive someone is. Sure, looks can get the initial 'buzz' of attraction, but at some point you have to talk, or act, and that can be the moment when one or both of you realize that you aren't really meant for each other (and, really, is that such a bad thing?).

Think of the parable of Quasimodo. A beautiful person, in a body which was misshapen. Think of that person at work that you keep bumping in to and realize that you are suddenly happier... regardless of looks!

It's been said by others, in the long run it's how you get along that counts. Certainly was the case with my wife... I was incredibly attracted to her, even after she was devastated by cancer... in fact, about 48 hours after she passed, I saw a picture taken of her just a week or so before and had a realization that she did NOT look like that (to me) the night she died... and I was, ahem, interested, that night. Despite... let's just say that a nurse had accused her of suffering from radiation burns. It wasn't radiation, it was the cancer but, for the life of me, I didn't see that. By way of saying, the brain, and love, is a wonderful thing and it can cause you to see an idealized image of your loved one. Even when the truth is standing right in front of you.

So, don't worry about being attractive, save that you should strive to feel comfortable in who you are, and know that you won't attract the attention of everyone with your looks and style, but you will attract the ones who LIKE that look and style... and, in the end, isn't that the idea?

The spectrum of people who feel this way and don't is vast. There are a lot of people with whom looks don't mean much, and many others where they do. The fact is it's true for some but not all. I wish it wasn't important to me but it is.

Unnecessary - only if you never plan to have sex.

There has to be something you find attractive.

And there are some odd things I can find really unattractive and have no idea if it's biology or learned.

For the most part, I don't buy it either. I think we all try to convince ourselves that looks aren't all that important, but It's really looks that allow us to really open up to someone enough to get to know them at a deeper level. If you look at it from a purely evolutionary standpoint, we are literally selected through evolution to be attracted to the best looking mates that we can find. It works on an evolutionary level for a couple of reasons. 1. People with perfect body symmetry and the most attractive features tend to draw the most attention from the opposite sex and are therefore most likely to reproduce. & 2. Even as intelligence and other cognitive factors come into play, the people who are better thinkers also realize on a subconscious level that mating with more attractive partners generally assures more attractive offspring who are more likely to reproduce successfully and pass on your genetic makeup.

I think it is always a factor. That said I am sure there are some people that are so cool it overrides everything else. Stephen Hawking is married isnt he?

"Attractive" is a relative term depending on the circumstances where two people meet. Under favorable circumstances, any two people can find mutaul attraction, kick starting a life long love affair.

Then again, I've had some wonderful short term, one night relationships that I would not want to repeat.

Looks only last for as long as you are not annoyed. When you learn this, your horizons broaden and your happiness in relationships improve. Though, if you have gills, I am gonna freak the fuck out.

i have to be attracted

I don't buy it either. It isn't the only thing, but it is part of the equation. I think people who say that it isn't important are trying to impress the rest of us they are somehow deeper than the rest of us. BULLSHIT.

I definitely think it's definitely possible to fall for someone without them being too attractive, but it's definitely an inevitable factor imo

Physical attraction must surely be " The first strike " then if you have the confidence to persue the matter, move on to making contact. I would doubt that people would be motivated to make further contact if the subject raised no responses in your interest.

IMO women look for a man with money and power. Old ugly rich guys never have trouble finding a woman.

Psychological research proves that whether we know it or like it, it really does matter.

I have known people that I didn't initially find attractive that grew on me the longer I knew them and the kind of person they were. The same happens in reverse as well. I can think someone is very attractive, but later not find them attractive at all after coming to know them...so I think it isn't always important.

I don't buy it, either. It's human nature to factor in the appearance of other humans. In my experience, people who say looks don't matter are either high enough on the looks scale to never need to worry about it, or are saying it because they think it's what they're supposed to say.

I am with you because otherwise they been on a relationship. I had met a lot of beautiful people inside... and guess what? They are alone for one specific reason. They are not attractive. But the hypocrisy continues putting personality and internal beauty in front of all requirements. I go into every relationship with one thing on mind... setting the bed on fire... and I bring the matches... but I can't set on fire a block of ice. I can only melt it and it is not what I want. That spark between the bodies have to be there... that animal attraction. Bull Shit to think otherwise... and You Are Right Not Buying It. Me Neither.

Well I think its just the amount of exposure you have to someone. Attractiveness builds over time, and even if you weren't really into the person physically the bond kind of helps overcome it. At least a little, like others have said there does have to be something physical there in most cases. It's important not to deny sexual compatibility and honest approach to the physical part, while also maintaining the emotional and mental connections

I'd say that physical attraction is not at all equal to looks. I rely a lot on chemistry and that never is looks dependent. For that matter we all have different standards for looks and different triggers that set our motors running for a physical relationship.

Add in all the possibilities of nonphysical relationships and physical attraction becomes far less relevant.

Define relationship. Attraction .....physical? mental? As far as a romantic relationship, attraction is a must for me. Friendship, I couldn't care less.

It's called friends.

"No matter how hot she is, there's always a guy out there who's sick of her shit"