Agnostic.com

10 3

Well Yesterday was my 40th Birthday...and I had a good day but feel jaded by my so called best friend who has mental issues obviously ( don't we all) but he purposefully went out of his way to text and leave voice messages he knew would upset me and then when I asked him to please stop with the bullshit..he acted like I was being ridiculous..sayin he was just kidding..blah blah blah...he's done this me as long as I've known him..( 10 years) somehow we are still friends ...we have good times..laughing..and positive friendship vibes but at the drop of a dime...he turns on me...( bipolar..) (Narcissist)
And when I confront him..and tell him how he made me feel he is insulted...flipping it like I'm the bad guy...when it was all his negative behavior that started the entire fight!!! He is supposed to be my best friend but I feel like he's my worst enemy too...and he never admits any wrong...it's always about his entertainment or pleasure...this person doesn't even live near me...we are friends but for the past 7 years..long distance friends....he couldn't even act right for my birthday...it makes me question why do I put up with it? I know it's an unhealthy codependent relationship that just keeps on in an never-ending circle of chaos...it's upsetting because he's one of my only so called friends I actually talk to on a regular basis....When I do block him and refuse to talk to him...I 100% feel like I get more positive things done in my day to day actions...but a voice in my head makes me sad that I'm his only friend...he doesn't really have anyone else in his life..so I'm scared to abandon him completely...I would be devastated if he hurt himself or went down a bad path to addiction again...what should I do?

Ravenwolfcasey 7 Mar 24

Post a comment Reply Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

10 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

"I asked him to please stop with the bullshit..he acted like I was being ridiculous..sayin he was just kidding..blah blah blah...he's done this me as long as I've known him.." Gaslighting. I hate it when they do that. I have learned a lot about gaslighting and narcissism in the past year and a half, and how I was subjected to it for 18 years.
Run.
Run away.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 24, 2019

I know...I'm trying

1

I know what I would do and did find a new best friend. Best friends don't treat me or you with disrespect. I found after 10 yrs hanging together he began to critize me more and more and bragging about how much better off he was than I. I overlooked it way to long and finally just got fed up , I began to realize it was like being in a bad marriage I had to walk on egg shells, afraid to express my opinion and when I did it was always wrong. My dad treated me like that I be damned if I was going let somebody else treat me like that, I'm an adult not a . So I can relate.

Omg...I feel the same...my mother is bipolar and my friend constantly behaves like her sometimes...and it's like I'm getting tortured by two people that are the same...in many ways...one I can't cut off..she's my mom...and we do have good times but the bad..ohhh are they bad...

@Ravenwolfcasey I know how difficult it is walk away thinking about the pain and the empty feeling inside, I Like every body I need someone talk too. My dad barely made it thru school so His lack of a education limited his answers to either/or, black/white. Once I was asked if my father was not my dad would I want to be friends with him, My answer was no. I realize today he to a certain extent didn't even think the way he talked down to me that it was wrong, Now he's been gone for a number of years and I didn't cry when he died, I felt like I had been freed. To some extent I think I was trying to replace him and that is why I was drawn to other men like himself seeking their approval to tell me I was okay. I learned how to set bounderies and do not hesitate to say something when I feel they have stepped over the line. I had those needy feelings well after becoming an adult it took me a long time to change directions and face my problems head on. A real best friend will listen and do what is necessary to make life better between us which makes our friendship bond stronger and has made me a better man. Of course today I don't have a best friend right now but that may change in time.

1

Hey, it was my birthday yesterday too. So happy birthday to us both. I had a good day, my friends treat me well and I am truly lucky. You need to be aware that you are not in any kind of way responsible for anybody else. He needs professional help and you are not the one to give it to him. Why are you putting up with that, all that misery, stop having anything to do with him, you are not helping him in any kind of way, just enabling him to be a jerk. It's up to you, you want to be trodden on than keep him as your friend, if not. Don't tell him just text him that you will have nothing to do with him if he keeps it up and stick to it. Don't answer the texts if they are rude or defamatory. It's not easy but it is doable. Perhaps you are doing him a favor by ending the friendship.

Happy Birthday

@Ravenwolfcasey Thank you.

2

Rules, Boundaries, Limitations.
If he knows what yours are and disregards them? That's a problem.

Sure our closest friends get to cross those lines when something awful happens to them - but for him it sounds like awful is a lot of the time.

You have to decide if there is any reward for you in this relationship any longer. Friendships aren't one-sided.

1

I too have a close bi-polar friend for 35 years. Once I had to exclude her from my life after she hurt me over a friend of hers i briefly dated. That lasted 4 years. Recently blocked her on FB and later reinstated her. She was there for me as I fought for my life however, and since I've moved out of state we still talk on the phone and are friends on FB.

2

Happy Birthday xxxx

2

Happy Belated B-Day OOO ?‍♂️?‍♀️

Those emojis did not come out right.

@azzow2 Those emojis are fuuuunneeeeee ...

1

1.) Don't worry about turning 40, next year you'll be 41. It happens to us all.
2.) You already answered why this happened with him, it's how it always happens, with him.
3.) I stopped venting to or relying on friends when I had personal problems and started sharing only the good things in life with my friends. It was amazing how uncomplicated my friendships became. Wish I'd been that way since Junior High. ?

(Confronting, bouncing, ranting to or about, going off on, or any other aggressive position with others never does much more than create problems that weren't there before we started confronting, bouncing, ranting, going off on. Humans are funny creatures ... that whole action-reaction thing is a bitch.)

Great advice

2

Happy belated birthday, for what it's worth.

You should quit letting the guilt of being his only friend control you and bid him adieu. You're being manipulated by him, whether it's intentional or not.

That he has no other friends should be a huge red flag to you about how he treats others. By playing his game you're saying "hurt me instead of you", to your detriment, and that's not fair to you. You're enabling his bad behavior, and could be preventing him from getting the help he really needs. Some people need to hit rock bottom before getting help - don't hit the bottom with him.

1of5 Level 8 Mar 24, 2019

I know...it's just really hard

@Ravenwolfcasey yes, it is. Destructive relationships can be the hardest to get out of, unfortunately. But also the ones that need to be gotten out of the most.

You can do only what's right for your life, which I think has already been mentioned, but bears repeating. Some people need professional help.

Not to go to far into it, but my ex suffered from a neurological disorder that very slowly (around 8 years) destroyed her mind. I thought staying and helping her was the best thing, and guilt...yada yada yada. Anyways, my thinking I was helping didn't, and it wasn't till I got out of there that she got the help she needed. It wasn't easy and she gave me scars I'll carry for the rest of my life.

1

Happy birthday!

The only person you can change and control is yourself. I suggest you see a counselor to learn to stop rescuing people and set healthy boundaries for yourself.

Surrounding myself with positive people improved my life.

After her third divorce, my friend was stuck playing victim. Constantly complaining, she bitched and moaned, blaming others for her problems. This went on-and-on. She exhausted me.

"Let's talk about positive things," I suggested. Nothing I tried worked.

Finally, I wrote her a kind letter, saying her negative talk was bringing me down. I asked her to focus on positive events instead. In response, she cut me off.

Although I felt sad about losing a friend, it's a relief.

Write Comment
You candd include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:317115
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.