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So my mom's birthday is coming up next month, on the 20th. We have a strained relationship that has gotten to the point that we haven't spoken to one another in months. I love her but I think that may be for the best, at least at this time. Anyhow, I tend to see things throughout the year that remind me of this person or that person and I will take it home and put it in my steamer trunk. When said persons day of birth rolls around I give it to them. I have in my trunk, a Red Skelton collection that brought my mom to mind a while back. I would like to give it to her, but I don't want to get things riled up again. My mom and I both tend to be wary of peace offerings.
I don't know, just my morning thoughts and worries...?

Byrd 7 Mar 27
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8 comments

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1

Send her gift by mail with a birthday card. That way you've made the first move and the ball is now in her court.

By the time my mom apologized to me it was too late, I no longer needed or wanted a mother anymore.

1

mother daughter stuff never seems to end. I am 63 and I am still her kid.WE do ok on the phone but everything collapses when I enter her space. You know how to deal with your mom. I would probably just mail that to mine and hoped she liked it

1

I see where you are coming from. My relationship with my mom has become more strained in last couple of years. It's not as bad as yours. She didn't agree with how I was looking for peace and happiness. I grew up baptist and thought becoming an catholic was answer. She implied I would going to hell if I did. That was the last straw with god/religion. I thought she would be happy if I was going to church at all. Plus, she is homophobic, being pan sexual wouldn't helped the situation. Give the gift to your mom and see where it takes you. It might help your relationship.

1

It's tough, but life is short af. I lost my mom 4 years ago, so many things unsaid. I love you wasn't one of them though.
Wish you the best.

1

Send her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY card or text and tell her you love her. Nothing else needed.

1

You bring up the interesting challenges of gift-giving and its meaning. Does it mean peace offering? Is it reciprocal to make up for something the person gave you, or did for you? Is it tradition? Is it just a way of saying "I was thinking about you when I saw this item and thought you'd like it." It can get so complicated as we put values onto what it all means. Birthday gifts at least can come with a card and your card can express what you want to say...without being forced to say what you DON'T want to say. I am sorry to hear that you have a strained relationship with your mother. That must be difficult to navigate.

1

Please try and make friends with your Mum. I would walk on broken glass for 5 minutes with mine and we never got on.

I did. It wasn't mutual.

@Byrd Just keep your heart open.

Some people should never have had children.
Some mothers never get along with their children. It doesn't matter why.
At some point, it is NOT unreasonable to sever ties with someone
who is toxic to your life.
Just because a woman may call herself your mother, doesn't mean you "owe" her anything.

Interesting. Other people would rather walk on broken glass then ever have to talk to their mothers again. Please realize that your relationship was quite privileged one and not everyone is as lucky as you. In short, you are projecting and guilting people that may have shitty relationships with their parent(s). not cool.

@demifeministgal You know nothing about my childhood.

@Amisja True. But it may be safe to presume you were not LC or NC with your mom when she died.

@demifeministgal What is LC or NC? I am British

2

If you're both wary of "peace offerings", perhaps include a note that says "NOT a peace offering, just a birthday present. Enjoy.", and leave it at that.
Or don't sent it right now. Wait until you 'want' to.

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