Fighting lasts 3 minutes in the boxing ring. Winning depends on landing punches on specific targets and getting it in fast. Even those sport competitions that tough people train for usually end when the contestant runs out of steam, too much heavy muscle and not enough endurance. I do 5 sets of 100 punches with 5 pound dumbells per day, along with other upper body strength sets. Guys expect women to swing when you need to come straight up under the chin or better yet the nose. This is not play even a little bit. If you think it is, there is something wrong with you.

The abuse you suffered is inexcusable . He should be horse whipped.. you are fortunate to have had the fortitude to survive and prosper. No one should have to live in fear. Not for any reason or of anything. . However some are born with a shyness and fear that is inherit . Somehow we must learn ways to teach people to be able to overcome their personal fears and prosper and grow.

My wife took a walk at dusk last night and I had already topped 12,000 steps for the day and just wasn't up for it. But I didn't worry about her. Anyone who tried to attack her, she would claw their eyes out and piss into their skull. My wife is seriously bad-ass. She learned that when she was a size 2 raven beauty with hair down to her waist, and even before that when she was force-bused to the school on the "bad" side of the tracks. People who thought she was a helpless little thang soon found out different.

At this point in my life, arguably I'm the one who probably needs her to walk with ME at night.

Fear is a fact of life for women. If you're not afraid, you either aren't paying attention or you're a fool. Fear is a needed biologic reaction. To both real and perceived threat. It keeps you vigilant and triggers fight or flight that may save your life. I can't control others, but I can make sure I've taken steps to protect myself as much as I can. Lift weights, build muscle, are you kidding? That isn't going to do squat for the majority of women, men are still larger. Self defense classes can only take you so far. Carrying a gun on you at all times is also a non-viable option. You're more likely to get shot with it yourself than to shoot someone else.
The only solution is training all the next generations about body autonomy, and that no one is entitled to someone elses time or body. Anything else is a cozy blanket that still lets men think that it's all in our heads or not the problem we think it is.

My cousin was raped and murdered in her house in a nice neighborhood, in a small town. Among friends and family I know of so very, very few who haven't been assaulted in one way or other. Among that far too many of the incidents were rape. Among them was a black belt in judo, and the cousin who was murdered was within feet of a gun they kept in the house. Education, attitude changes, and prosecuting like they mean it is the only way to make women (and men) safer and reduce ambient fear.

That is one thing I do that people constantly advise me against, namely walk around at nighttime. But, am I supposed to not work and not go to school and have no social life when the sun sets?! Especially since it sets around 5pm here which would severely limit employment choices (I take public transit to get home, no way I could do so within the sun setting and finishing at 5pm). I am hypervigilant though and always watching and careful not to engage with or encourage anyone to engage with me. Although I live my life, I still do so cautiously. lol

Good for you... Fabulous

I hate that we live in a world where women have to feel this fear. I'm not going to #notallmen on you, I'm sorry you had these experiences.

What a story! I wish I had some of your bravado. I was raped at 16 and became pregnant from that rape. Thank goodness my parents allowed me to make my decision and get an abortion. I've never regretted that decision. I still have issues to this day while alone at night and driving, as that was when it happened. He jumped in front of my car and I stopped to avoid hitting him. He then jumped in the car and the rest is the most hell I've ever been through in my life.

Bravo! I wish you could tell your story to my friend who is afraid to leave her abusive husband because she thinks he might kill her. He's an alcoholic and has beaten her up before. I can't even go to her house anymore because I tried to intervene one night and he threatened me. If I continue to go there I will give him what he's looking for...drunks are pretty vulnerable as they talk big and stumble around.

What a great story. I agree about San Francisco. My favourite city, after Edinburgh of course

You look terrific....VERY HEALTHY....I'm happy you have rebounded.

Know NO fear.
You ARE fucking FABULOUS!!!!

"You look like a victim," a man said a few months ago. I was horrified.

"I'm not a victim!" I protested. "I walk fast with confidence, good posture and my head high. I never look at my phone or in my purse while walking."

"It's because you are thin," he explained. "You look easy to grab."

Since age 15 when I developed breasts, I have been assaulted, grabbed, kissed against my will, stalked by two men, cat-called and harassed by men. Two male supervisors tried to rape me at work between age 21 and 24. Each time, when he let go with one hand to loosen his belt, I broke free and ran.

My luck ran out when I was raped in 2007. As a result, I have PTSD and anxiety. At age 19, my daughter was raped and beaten by a stranger. She was asleep in her bed. Now 29 and married, Claire still wakes up screaming and has panic attacks.

I never hike alone. Never go to bars. Don't walk or run alone at night. My life is constricted because I feel unsafe.

Women and girls are not safe in America or across the world.

Well that's some story... Wish you well

I was raped as a kid, married to an abuser for eleven years. For a while, I went around with a great deal of fake bravado, insolently walking into dangerous situations to prove how not afraid I was. Actually I was terrified and was trying to convince myself I wasn't.

As I work through the fears, I'm becoming more okay with not having super powers, needing to use reasonable caution, and allowing others to help protect me. It's okay that I couldn't stop the abuse. It's okay that I can't 100% ensure my own safety on my own right now. It wasn't okay before, but it is now.

Take care of yourself, honey.