Agnostic.com

26 10

I'm going to see my brother tomorrow. I haven't seen him in ten years, at my father's funeral. He's Christian and a trumpster. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't know how I feel about him. He brought his wife and daughter to visit my Mom. He hasn't seen her in more than five years. I need to hold myself together. And suggestions?

confidentrealm 7 Apr 17
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

26 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

9

Honey , if he hasn't harmed u intentionally , or not a bad human afterall , then I ll dare to say , hoping not offending u or scratching wounds , give him a hug and try to really visit w him ?
10 yrs , long time 😞 There have to be some good memories somewhere ? Make peace if u can . Who knows what he is going through in last 10 yrs ! And he does not know what u went through . I am excited that u will see your own blood . I have a good feeling . Speak no politics or religion . Think of u and him as children , long ago . Nothing else matters . As we growing older , we become these children again some how . β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️

Part of the issue is that we were both adopted so his wife never accepted me as a sister in law. We aren't blood to her.

7

We are here for you if you need to message anyone of us, we are here for you. You are not alone.

By all means tell bro you have real friends not escapees from bible camps

6

Change the subject if it gets where you don't want to go. Think up a list of topics that you can draw from.

6

I sure don’t envy you. Stay on the topic of your father and mother, remembering the good times.

5

I'll tell you what I told my daughter last week. You don't burn your bridges with family members. Adopted or not. They are the ones we share history and memories with. You don't have to like them but we do love them in spite of everything.

I disagree. If those bridges are based on toxicity and abuse that continues to this day, said bridges are useless, despite the shared history and the bridges need to be burnt. We would not tolerate domestic abuse situations, why do we tolerate or encourage abuse from family members?!?!

5

If he begins to focus the dialog on religion or politics, I would simply say, " I came here to focus on our family and on the good things we have shared., not to argue about religion or politics. I ask you to keep the same positive focus and not destroy it." If he does not honor your request, I would walk out on the dialog.

5

These types of meetings can be difficult due to past issues between people. Try to just be in the moment and focus on your mom and the fact that he is there to see her. Should your brother start bringing up his faith or anything political either try and change the subject or make an excuse to leave the room. No reason to put yourself through his toxic beliefs. I hope for your sake the visit goes smooth.

5

This really should not be about you and him.....care for, and about your Mother....show respect for your Father. Allow NOTHING to interfer with that.

5

Separate their religion and politics from the situation and just try and relate to them as family and agree to disagree on the hot button topics and don't discuss those.

Agree. Avoid politics and religion although at a funeral the religious bit will be there.
My sister and nephew are tory voting brexiteers and if the subject comes up I just say something non comital and try to change the subject. It is very sad when politics and or religion split up families.

@Moravian I'm not sure why he quit talking to me. It was a very long time ago

@confidentrealm Maybe a change to make up then

4

Just play it cool, he is your brother before he is a christian, and as long as he doesn't bother you with that religion thing, you can just go with the flow...

4

I have let half of my family go over the same thing, good luck.

4

Try to keep it just a visit for your mom and about mom for her sake. Hope he does the same and hope it goes well.

3

Fortunately, I get along with my siblings. Some of my extended family, even first cousins, led me to the conclusion that my family are those I love and support and those who reciprocate. Relatives, in many cases, are just those people with whom I share some ancestry.

JimG Level 8 Apr 18, 2019
3

Just be aloof..... don't engage.... he's too far gone to change, right?

3

Just remember it is your mothers place don't make a scene. You will just get upset and he will think that you are to blame and he is ok.

2

I'm damn near a socialist (Libertarian Socialist - Noam Chomsky), but I have a couple of family members that could be considered right wing and are Trump supporters. I always enjoy spending time with them. We joke around, do fun things, eat and drink, and nothing bad ever happens. We respect each other. We know that because there might be differences of opinion with some things that it doesn't mean the others are bad people. They really aren't political though. We never argue. We are very family oriented. We would do anything to help each other.

I think if it's not a fundamentalist mentality then it's salvageable. If it is, then I don't think anything is going to help.

2

Tell him to leave your differences at the door due to the occasion and that you can debate afterwards but the parent you shared would've wanted you to get along.

1

All went well. Thanks for your support

1

He is not going to change. We pick our friends but nor our family. I would say, try to make the best of it. I have a similar situation, after all they are human just like the rest of us, except they have wacky ideas. Take a couple of photographs with them, and save them for posterity.

Mike2 Level 2 Apr 18, 2019

That went better than expected but now he's praying for me. I didn't give him my usual answer, don't waste your time. If he wants to waste time it's his to waste.

1

I didn't go to my mom's funeral because of relatives just like that. I wish I had any expertise here. About all I can offer is - You can't argue with stupid. Stupid is there no matter how logically you explain or how loud you yell. Might just as well keep talk to a minimum and get the hell out when you can.

1

Trump is doing good things. Keep the conversations focused on how Great America Has Become Again.

I hope this is sarcasm

@confidentrealm MAGA is real.

1

Sounds like the focus should be on your mom, so try to keep it there. If your brother tries to bring his faith or politics into the situation, ignore it as much as possible. Don't let him bring you down to his level. I have similar difficulties with my brother, who also claims to be an xtian and is a trumplodyte. I love a good argument, but have to put those impulses on hold when around family. They count on it, if not outright need it, so there's something deeply satisfying in denying them. Good luck on your visit!

1

Be patient, listen, act interested in his entire family and career not TrumpOLINI or alleged baby gawds birthed in dirty donkey stables or alleged survivor of a temporary crucifixion this Sunday Palestinian weekend....it's THORSday and hopefully you won't arrive upon your bro sacred ground during xian heat season

0

I saw him again today, I don't know when I will ever see him again. The only thing I had trouble with was the last thing he said. He will pray for me.

0

prEyer never cures disease....prEyer only delays problem solving and enables corrupt politicians to RIP off USA by trillions of dollars

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:333093
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.