Forgiveness is for the benefit of the forgiver and not for the one being forgiven.

Forgiveness is not about saying the offense was okay but about letting go of the offense, not carrying the burden of having to get even or keep score. Forgiveness is about healing the victim.

Forgive but remember to not put yourself in that position again.

I don't believe in forgiveness, and I rarely give out second chances.
Being sorry requires action to prove remorse, not words.
People lie to get what they want. That includes "forgiveness".
Actions speak louder and more truthfully.
Do they change their behavior? Do they maintain the change(s) for an extended
period of time?

In my experience, saying someone is "forgiven" for whatever wrong they committed, is usually seen as a free-pass by them, and they'll do whatever it was again.

Some things are unforgivable.

Many things are unforgivable... Rape, murder, child abuse, Trump...

Some things are definitely unforgiveable and I married both of them.

My family thinks I have ice in my veins for my take on forgiveness. My forgiveness bucket isn't bottomless and some have just kicked it over.

I have found that the people who have messed with my life can't even bother to ask for forgiveness...so no.

You can forgive but never forget

There's no simple answer to this question. Different people and different circumstances mean you might come up with a different answer in each case.

I have often been asked if I'd 'forgive' my daughters 'mother' for her treatment of my daughter both before Lorrae's battle with Cancer, and her death from it, and her blatant and obvious lacking of support, etc, DURING her 9 months of Chemotherapy, except for the 3 days when her mother had an URGENT appointment for HERSELF and she decided to aCTUALLY to visit us in the Hospital and the place where we were staying 24/7.
It IS still burned into my memory the day I collected Lorrae from a Court Scheduled Access visit to her 'mother's home, some 50 kms away, BEFORE the diagnosis of Lymphoma was made, acting on a very URGENT phone call from Lorrae and being summarily told by her 'mother' " Don't bother taking the bitch to a Doctor, take her to a Psychiatrist, the bitch is just attention seeking as usual."
Less than 2 weeks later, Lorrae and I were flown to Adelaide, South Australia by Flying Doctors Aircraft and Lorrae was undergoing test after test.
NO, neither can I forgive NOR can I forget such a thing.

This reply is going to get lost in this post. As I start typing it already has 25 comments. But...

There is an old saying that people often go through three levels of realization about others when they see the others behaving badly.

1. First they give the others the benefit of the doubt and figure that maybe they just don't know they're behaving badly.
2. Then they still give the benefit and think that maybe the others don't understand that their behavior is bad.
3. Then they realize that the others are behaving badly because that's the way they are. They know they're behaving badly and do it anyway.

More succinctly, the three levels are: 1. Ignorance, 2. Stupidity and 3. Evilness.

For me, I think Ignorance and, to a degree, Stupidity can be helped. But Evilness can only be warred against, defeated and destroyed.

It depends. There are just some things that can’t be forgiven

For me it's situational. If it was intentional, and you are not sorry, and you would do it again, then Fuck You.

This is such a hot button topic for me because of the screwed up things I was taught about forgiveness growing up. It didn't matter what someone had done, I was supposed to forgive everyone for everything and if I didn't, then I was even worse than they were. So if I'm struggling to forgive someone who raped me as a child, I'm worse than they are . . . As you might guess, the most prominent consequence of that kind of thinking is becoming a doormat and allowing people to walk all over you, which I did for so many years.

I've only just begun really trying to understand forgiveness after giving up the fear that an invisible being was going to punish me after I die for not being able to forgive others, so I'm no expert by any means. At the moment, I'm inclined to believe that forgiveness is more of a consequence than something you accomplish. I believe forgiveness just happens when someone makes the effort to make up for what they did and makes changes so that they can earn back your trust by convincing you that they won't do what they did again. I believe you can block forgiveness and choose to hold a grudge if you want, but you can't just spontaneously forgive someone when they haven't done anything to change what they did. I think the best you can do is open your heart for forgiveness and allow it in, if the other person does their part.

I also think it's okay if you choose not to forgive or give the other person the chance to prove they've changed. If it's so painful to be around the other person that you aren't willing to give them another chance, I think it's best for you to do what's right for you. It's a case by case thing and it doesn't have to look the same as someone else in a similar situation.

Yes there are things that are unforgivable. I’m a pretty forgiving person but if what you did was intentional it’s going to be hard for me to be forgiving no matter how sorry you are.

Only if actions change. Words are easy.

their sorrow is irrelevant. you forgive someone because you show compassion.

Forgivability may have more to do with the forgiver than the forgiven.

Both. Some things are certainly unforgivable, and some are forgivable for your own sanity’s sake but still shouldn’t be given another chance to make the same mistakes, (forgive but don’t forget). Only very mild mistakes should be both forgiven and forgotten. To safely welcome the person back in your inner circle, you’ve got to be sure that they seriously understand where, when, and how they went wrong, and have made a visible determination to change themselves.

the problem is that sociopaths, many of whom are quite intelligent, if caught in a serious crime, know what the judge/jury/parole board wants to hear. they can appear to be genuinely sorry but it's all an act.

There are some things that are absolutely unforgivable.

I'm all for forgiveness and second chances.

Deliberate , intentional hurt to me , isnt forgiven . Some people are just bad. I sort them out and banish them form my life.

Some things are unforgivable. Deliberate behavior to hurt me or my family are examples of unforgivable action that I won’t forgive.
I will forgive just about anything else.

You can certainly forgive if you can justify/explain some actions, but do not forget, because nobody gets forgiven twice for the same offense, unless you are a masochist!