Before being tested for “reasonable suspicion” on June 13th there was no incident, accusation or discussion about my recovery, status, I didn’t sing it from a mountain top but I didn’t hide it either.

On June 16th I started a series of Iron infusions to treat my chronic anemia. My hemoglobin was 6.2. A contributing factor is a vestibular abnormally I have pulsating tinnitus in my left ear, when my RBC are low the volume is turned up considerably. My vestibular abnormality worsen when the barometric pressure is high.

I spoke with Juan Falls, I didn’t deny anything, I relayed my sober status. I disclosed to him I am already in therapy, individual and group. It was my impression he was pleased with my efforts. He congratulated me on 6 years sober, think he told me another therapist wouldn’t be necessary. I did one session and then emailed the EAP this:

“Good Friday afternoon! I’m not at work today (or I’d just run across the parking lot), do I need to schedule IRL face time with you as the next step? 

I did go to my first counseling session yesterday with Jennifer McCarthy, LMFT.  I am already in therapy with a mental health provider through Kaiser but I’m more than willing to double up. 

Sarah”

I never heard a peep or read a single communication from EAP. Still haven’t am happy to provide the name of my private sector therapist. On July 11th Angel separated me from clinic and told me to work on TMS and he’d be putting me on admin. Why did he wait almost a month when he new the results on June 14th? The ONLY purpose it serves is to humiliate me in an office full of the most cattie co-workers I’ve ever worked with. A notable exception is Karen Emory who warned me several co-workers were (falsely) mocking my sobriety and likely why I was drug tested in the first place.

The reason I medically use CBD/THC is because I’m scared shitless of benzodiazepines and depression medication for the anxiety pulsating tinnitus induces. I also have a deep disdain for Big Pharma) I cannot remember the last time I smoked to get high. This is my first my first effort to contact EAP.

“Friday afternoon! I’m not at work today (or I’d just run across the parking lot), do I need to schedule IRL face time with you as the next step?

I did go to my first counseling session yesterday with Jennifer McCarthy, LMFT.  I am already in therapy with a mental health provider through Kaiser but I’m more than willing to double up. 

Sarah “

I never heard a peep from EAP.

I dropped anonymity almost 5 years ago, it served no useful purpose. August 6th is the first time I’ve regretted it.

Why didn’t I get the opportunity to test negative after 30 days? Why was no one in the room when I was fired? No HR, no other co-worker, no union representation just Angel. Is that even legal?

If the policy of the VA is terminate any drug “users” Angel is woefully incompetent by the VA standards by waiting almost 2 months to fire me.

I want to make clear how much I love my job. One of the things I love about it is there is a rehab on the second floor. I see a lot of those guys in clinic. I also see many in long term recovery. In my 8 months there, I had several opportunities to offer encouragement, and a whole lotta fist bumps shared with someone who understands. Those moments of joy are empowering in a way I can’t describe. As are these:



In the last couple weeks with my iron rich blood I wondered if the VA would support me in getting credentialed as a substance abuse counselor. I drafted an offer to donate yoga as a part of recovery.

Am I really the kind of person the VA wants to get rid of?