I can relate for me it is i am scarred to love and to lose that person through death and have to go through all those feelings again i find myself looking at long distance on line relationships knowing that we woulld never meet the safest way i believe

You seem to be thinking right and it looks pragmatic to me. I prefer this approach to dreaming for someone right coming by some day.

For what it is worth, here are my 2 cents. Look for a true good human being. Don't expect all you want in one person. It never is the case. Compromise where you can, Have the approach of picking the best from the person, the best of the situations, the best from the life as it comes and most importantly take your time.

Just avoid the trap no one is as good as your departed
So many women hold onto an idealized MEMORY of a past love, so make absurdly unrealistic comparisons between that MEMORY, and the flesh-and-blood person right in front of them!
They forget the beginning of a relationship is often touch-and-go to downright rocky, so it takes a minor 'miracle' for it to happen in the first place! They forget the naivete of youth may what allows it to occur. If young people had as much "baggage" as older people, the human race may have gone extinct a long time ago!
It takes time to get to know a unique entity, and many women are "picky" to a ridiculous degree, excluding practically everybody--except maybe pathological liars--from their lists of eligible candidates!
So please regain some of that youthful idealism before you begin a serious search. Experience is a two-edge sword!

I too am a widow. It’s been five years since my husband died and I am at a point that I would like to meet someone. Everyone is different in how they deal with grief. Just take your time and do what feels right for you.

You're ready when you are. Remember, you don't "get over" you're loss. You only learn to live with it. It's up to you when it's time to move on.

I totally have empathy on that!

I'm sorry for your loss but just a little suggestion. I've gone out with way too many widows and all they do is talk about their husband. One of them admitted that in a 20-minute conversation she talked about him about half the time. When I said a lot of people might think that was a little high, she says "well I'm not looking to replace him." And I replied "but I am."
I don't normally mention it but the last time I decided to make a suggestion and the woman worked at her husband's optometry office. Her reply to me was, "how am I supposed to say where I work if I don't mention my husband?" How about just "I work at an optometry office." Anyway I don't know if you do that, just thought you might want to be conscious about it. I know it doesn't go to your question, and of course some references are automatic, but just something to think about. I wish you luck.

In a very small way I get this. The last guy I was close to died a short while back and I can't even think of relationships right now. My advice is don't rush yourself. You'll know when you're ready. It's perfectly normal to take a break.

My answer was finding one or more GROUPS of like-minded people. That way, I supplemented whatever close personal relationships I had with a lot more social relationships. Over time, it balanced out nicely. And then, Shazam! I found somebody.

I get it .....I’m in the same boat as far not being able to even fathom being in a relationship.Since you are confused right now put the breaks on. There is no right or wrong in this widowhood we sadly find ourself in and do what feels right for you and when you are not sure ......do nothing. I wish you the very best.

All I can tell you is that, based on my experience, we think we can handle being lonely and we start to feel how hard it is as we grow old. I feel your pain even when my story is slightly different, at the end of the day it's all the same. Best of luck going forward.

I feel much the same way and yet I know I am lonely. Perhaps this is just thinking out loud, but at least you are honest.

Take it slow. Don't get impulsive. Date a long time before getting involved, then baby steps. Flings are ok once in awhile, but they tend to be emotionally hollow. That can also lead to feeling walled off internally from perspective relationships.

Be where you are. You don’t have to figure everything out all at once. After a loss as big as yours, it takes time, often a long time, to see where you want to go next. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to be confused or unwilling to make a big commitment. In the meantime (and I suspect you’re doing this), take care of and work on yourself. Diet, exercise, reading philosophy or self-help, meditating, seeing a therapist, engaging with hobbies and passions, getting in touch with yourself are things to focus on. And if you just need a little companionship now and again, that’s fine. By caring for and developing yourself, you’ll be healing and making yourself ready for a good relationship.

I get it Doraz. Except for "sticking to long distance or short flings", I am in the same boat. It's been 15 months since I lost Richard. I very much would like a relationship again, I to can't imagine being in one right now. I get lonely, especially at night and wish I had someone here but at other times I just want to be alone. I suppose we will "know" when we are ready to push forward. My friends have mentioned having me meet someone but that's not what I want. I'd like to meet someone just by chance like I did with Richard. I would say we just need to see where life takes us and go with the ebbs and flows of life. I know you are taking care of yourself just by being a part of this community and sharing your life. I know it helps me to be involved here. Sending some good vibes your way.

I found it helpful to think about what I do want in terms of a significant other. And if you are on the fence about it don't do it! Just wait until you feel more ok about then not. You might not ever feel 100% ready. No one ever does.

Just go with the flow!

Try not to overthink it, when you are ready you will know. Probably you will find yourself in a relationship.

When the right one appears you will know and be ready.