The Jesuits have a saying... give me the boy and I'll give you the man, or something like that. They too knew how hard it is to shake old beliefs. I guess it's just a matter of how long you've been an atheist. The longer, the more solid you tend to get in your beliefs. I'm at the point where there's no way I possibly COULD believe in a god, or devil, for that matter. It makes absolutely no sense, both logically and morally.

My journey away from belief began with asking questions and searching for answers outside of the Bible and my religious beliefs; but, it was also an emotionally exhausting and traumatic experience. I literally broke out in a sweat when I first began to check out books that I knew would challenge my beliefs; and I prayed to the god I believed in until I no longer believed in it.

The journey from leaving organized religion, realizing the god I was taught to believe in did not exist, to full blown atheist took a little over a decade. Learning more about the Bible is what made me realize that it is not the word of any god. Learning more science and approaching things rationally is what led to my not believing in any gods.

Once I came to terms with my non-belief, it was beyond emotionally satisfying. I am much more content as an atheist than I ever was as a believer.

Feeling relaxed after expressing yourself, even if there was no one there to hear you speak, is a physical phenomenon present in most social organisms.
Therapy is just that; expressing yourself, in a safe environment.

NO, you are not
and they have a hotline for folks in your boat . . .

[recoveringfromreligion.org]

When an intellectual conclusion is determined, one still has to cope with the residual emotional baggage leftover from the old way of thinking. Sublimate this energy into something conducive to one's current frame of mind that is also emotionally gratifying.
Get a dog!

You're not alone. Sometimes when something really bad is going on all I can say is "please no, please no" & it feels like I'm praying. I often think it would be easier to believe, because it's comforting to think your loved ones will live on once they're gone, but then my brain tells me comforting lies, are still lies.

My conversion from religion was fact-based. I did a lot of study, and proved to myself that the Bible is full of false prophecies, contradictions, and general nonsense. There were emotions involved in losing my family and friends, but I overcame them by realizing that my personal integrity was intact, and I was following truth and reality.

I definitely understand. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. When I came to disbelieve in god, I realize I had been just talking to myself and wishing for something to happen that never happened. I sought a therapist eventually and she suggested I try the empty chair exercise. I would let out every emotion, basically talking to myself but nothing crazy or spiritual, just getting it all out and allowing myself to think things through without ruminating on it. I often do it in my car and I do feel much better. I often meditate and take walks just observing nature around me. You just need to find another healthy alternative. I wish you well on you journey.

Don't worry about it

There's definitely a path to freedom from religion and it's different for everyone, so it may come in time.

In the meantime, people use all kinds of methods to reduce anxiety and discomfort; some not as safe or healthy as just talking.
If you're talking to something and it calms you, then talk!

Certainly don’t dismiss the feelings. If people can think themselves out of traumatic circumstances they weren’t there in the first place.

Debriefing with a psychologist may be helpful but don’t compare your experience with someone else’s as that can raise self-judgement which is exactly what you do not need when normalising.

Sorry you have so many echoes of religion in your Atheist brain....you're the poster child to remind parents NEVER LET religion poison the mind of a son or daughter

Totally understandable, there are plenty of figures I look up to or admire that I don't fully agree with everything they are about. as far as talking to, (Something/Anything is anything you should be worried about, because in my opinion I think, all in all, all your really doing is talking to yourself and that's perfectly fine, everyone needs a professional opinion every now an then. LoL Just outta curiosity are you familiar with Christopher Hitchens.?
If not defiantly someone I would suggest to you. Also, I wish you the best on your path of dealing with your anxiety

Okay, I await tomatoes to be thrown at me for saying this, but...

For me letting go of the idea that I was not going to see my loved ones after death was both a scary and depressing thought. I wanted to run back to believing in a god.

There is one thing though. No matter how you try with this, you will not be able to make yourself believe in something that you know is not true.

Letting go of religion isn't much different than a child coming to grips with the lie of Santa Claus.

For them letting go of Santa is sad, scary, it may come with feelings of guilt and they may want to run back to it. But all the while, they know it's not real.

Have you tried meditation? Or not talking? Or making music? Or walking and being present, observing how you walk and your immediate environment ... in silence? These things are more relaxing for me than talking ... also gardening or organic agriculture, touching the earth, growing food, planting trees, are good meditations

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

Everyone's journey away from superstition and irrational belief in the
supernatural is different.
Congratulations on taking the first steps away from that nonsense.

You are not alone.

Hello,

I know how you feel and I know it sucks. Was stuck in fundamental Christianity for nearly 12 years... It takes some time to resist the temptation of your old habits, but if you do, after a while you will feel a free person...