33 25

When people find out im a non believer they look at me like a unicorn. Literally has ruined relationships. Im actually at the point I can't date anyone who identifies as religous ect. Not just because of the believer but also bc of their families. Being a nonbeliever/ African American in the south has been one for the books!

ShayJohnson 5 Mar 24

Post a comment Reply Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


If they can't accept you for who you are and what you do not believe. Why would they expect for you to change to conform to their close-minded ideas?


I don't even try to get involved with people with imaginary friends. I consider them to be living in a fantasy world and I prefer reality.


If you are new to the area checkout to find agnostic/atheist groups. Might meet some freethinkers here. Plus check out local members on this site.


Those relationships with believers were already ruined and leading nowhere. So think of them positively. There are more and more atheists in the world, so you don't have to lower your standards! I wish you luck!

What a good way to view the stance of an atheist. Thanks.


I will never date a religious person again.


I feel the exact same way. I've been on a bunch of dating sites and had a number of dates, but as soon as the topic comes up, their eyes.start to glaze over and I know it's time to wrap things up. It's to the point now that if I see you're wearing a cross in your profile pic, I immediately swipe left.

wouldn't you put none believer on your page description?

@LeighShelton I do! But I guess folks don't read or think it doesn't matter. But it does. It really does.

they seem to think so for sure. I know what you mean and have asked myself if people have read my profile too.

@LeighShelton I always look for those that put this as their belief, but so many people think that nonreligious means they don't attend church, or follow a certain religion. Many of them still believe in god. So it can be hard to weed out people and find someone who actually is nonreligious.

its there problem but not ours.


I was born in NC, where the term "Black Atheist" is an oxymoron. They are absolutely addicted to Jesus, and need massive doses of him, everyday, just to keep from going into DTs.
It's simply shocking that indoctrination has worked so well on some people. WTF?! Glad I left.

My sister and I took a trip to Charleston SC, and attended a AME Church. We were Episcopalian, and that Church ROCKED OUT ! At the time I considered that it was all bullshit. How could God like the white bread music of the Episcopal Church better than what we heard in the AME ? Defies understanding.

"If you're a black christian, you have a real short memory" - Chris Rock.

Its amazing! I've been running across black men who don't subscribe to Abrahamic faiths but the have adopted "hotep/heru" new/old religions.or we are the gods lolol the worst has to be the hebrew Israelites. Everybody wants to be the chosen people lol. Have a lot of family in North Carolina I feel your pain

@ShayJohnson. Yep. Like pretending to run away from home, as a teenager, then just camping out in the parents front yard. It seems that they still need their parents, while pretending not to. One of my brothers became a Hebrew Israelite, and another became a follower of Farrakhan. Then they strut around like a pigeon on a chessboard!

Perfect Analogy


You got to be true to yourself. how ironic that people who believe in magic talking snakes look at you as the strange one. by being on here you are broadening your horizons but you may have to move away to find what you're looking for but you will. if you don't you can be more alone with the wrong people than actually just being alone.


I went down the same path. At first I didn't care, but the problem is that them and their families do care. I was in two "secret" relationships, and just got tired of dealing with it.

I also lived in ATL for 9 years, between the racism, religious fanatics and weather, I had to hit the road...

Do yourself a favor and consider moving to a more open minded state... LoL

Lol the weather will definitely do it if the amount of churches dont!


You have a tough row to hoe, being a black atheist is tough enough let alone living in the South, you are not alone there are a lot more atheist living in the South than the deluded believe there is, hell there is probably a lot sitting in there congregations afraid to come out.

Soooo true! I was in the congregation wondering why i never got the holy spirit simultaneously not wanting to get struck down lol

@ShayJohnson Something like this?

@HeathenFarmer exactly!


I feel ya sister, I live in the bible belt and I have not had a date in TEN YEARS. Strangely, or maybe not so much, I am absolutely okay with that!

It is not much better for us White Atheists. After my divorce 11 years ago, I dated 1 woman. Since she was Asian I thought it might be ok....she turned out to be an Indonesian Baptist. Doomed from the start. Not even one romantic possibility in the following 9 years.


I feel ya. I go to NA meetings and am always made to stand in a circle, hold hands, and pray at the end of each. I hold hands...but I keep my mouth shut and stare at the floor the entire time. #annoying

I am also in recovery it is a bit frustrating at time's.


I have long ago adopted the "no dating theists" attitude because I believe a positive relationship should be founded on mutual respect.

I have a hard time respecting anyone who bases their life on superstitions over reality.


If a man admits he does Jesus thinking, dump him immediately. I dated a TAX LAWYER for 3 months before he admitted he was a Scientologist. I now am looking at 12 years of marriage with a lapsed Catholic Altar Boy that is athiest. Being an athiest/agnostic and hooking up with a believer is a bad choice. Slow down, there is a wonderful non believer for you. State who you BE and there will be a guy that feels the same way. Do not be afraid to state your mind. Filter out men that do not follow your beliefs.

Love it!


Wow1 That's a double whammy. Being happy with yourself, and it sounds like you are, makes it easier. Have you thought of relocating? As a nation we still have so far to go when it comes to race it makes me sad.
I use to think I could be in a relationship with a believer if they were not too into it and could respect my view(s). And when pigs fly - lol - believers just can't do it. They are sooooo convinced one rots in hell for not believing it is not worth the heartache.

I told my mother that it was the possibility of spending eternity with her and Uncle Bill that killed church for me. She is impossibly stupid. She is attending a church that did baptism on people's pets. I think that makes her a heretic. Either you buy the entire story or you do not.

Ikr! My last boyfriend would try to peesuade me to foo along with the prayers at the dinner table and just smile and say yes mam/sir when "god" was mentioned


It's spring, follow the migrating birds north

I think one would be better travelling West. I live in North Dakota and this is a very religious state.


I understand completely.
I live down here, too.


Welcome to the club.


Atlanta is a pretty progressive city, isn't it? It sort of surprises me that you can't find anyone there who's "enlightened." Of course, I've never lived there; my sister did for a few years, but I have no 1st hand experience with the city.

It also just sort of surprises me that, for all the evil, all the horrendous things done to people of color in the name of "god", that there aren't as many atheists among those ranks as I would think there might be.

However, I'm just an old white guy that was born and raised in what is likely the most liberal state in the Union, so what do I know?

I feel exactly as you do.

@Galihad_Z thank you, it's good to know I may be in sync with someone else in some of my thinking.

It baffles me. Ive met other black atheists in the area but they are few and seldom. I feel it bc the bible teaches not to ask. So they just accept it. Strange I remember as a youth, preacher in the pulpit saying that the best thing the white man ever did for us was give us our religion. that sounded strange at the time even then

@ShayJohnson are you familiar with Prof. Anthony Pinn? He's a professor of religion in Texas, and an atheist, and has written some books about atheism, being black, and leaving the church. Quite an interesting read how he struggled with the stigma.

@Condor5 i must look into that! Thank you!

@ShayJohnson, you're welcome, he has several books.


Love who you are!!! Religion, politics, how big your house is, color, none of those things define how beautiful you are. If others aren't able to accept, try selling them a fake beard and say 'Blessed are the cheesemakers!'


Other than being black, atheist and living in the south, how's life? Without knowing you, I salute your bad self.

Thank you! Lige is good, with ups and downs as expected


Keep up the struggle.


Dating a religious person is possible. The catch is that they (as well as we) need to know how not to view things as a definitive.

A person can be religious and be a great person. A great religious person would accept your views/beliefs. A person that is dismissive of your due to your atheism, is not as religious/spiritual as they portray and have just exposed to you their true self.

So be grateful that they showed their self early, and not a few years down the line.

Well said!!


As a fellow southerner, I can relate to this all to well. Born and raised in Columbia SC. Family and friends who know of my position seemed to become their most religious selves when I come around.

Lol u have that effect on people. Im from north augusta

Or maybe it's just that you are more aware of this than you used to be? Apparently there is a whole lot of "jesus sugar" being slopped from one person to another south of the Mason-Dixon line. It probably doesn't bother someone until they have a reason to notice how obnoxious and arrogant that IS


Sam Harris on the youtube explains that he ia an athist about god in the same way as he is an athist about the god pan of greek gods . Also he is a non-astrologer in the way he is a non- beliver in god . I asked in sunday school why are there winged creatures on top of the arc of the covernant that contains the comandment make no images (the images are not to be made lest you bend down and worship them . It is still not ok to make images even if you don't worship them {they give no instruction my tv does } ) . But this is a sriptural conflict . Other scriptures may have zero problems but I realy doubt it . Westerners do not under stand karma but it seams sad that a person is born into a life of suffering . Try scifi D&D guys but you mat face job problems in the south


Southern black identity and sense of community is often associated with church affiliations, maybe even more than with southern whites and their own churches.
I have liberal black friends who barely believe in god, yet still attend church because that's where their family and friends are. They complain about church religious stuff, but don't want to disappoint people.

You are absolutely correct. Even I have found myself missing the home cooked meals at church after service. I have been getting invited to this fancy mega church for banquets and social gatherings. Its a little tempting

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:42672
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.