44 4

Would you rather be in love or have someone be in love with you?

Obviously most would prefer to have a mutual situation, but it doesn't always happen that way.

Have you ever been in love with someone who didn't love you? Or have you ever had someone who was in love with you, but you did not feel the same?

itsmedammit 8 Nov 27

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

44 comments (26 - 44)

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


In love with me, will always return love in kind and they will never hurt you on purpose


If it's not a two way street, I won't take it. It doesn't matter which side of a one sided relationship someone is on both sides loose. To be loved and not love breeds contempt over time and Don Quixote aside loving from afar eventually ends in bitterness and sometimes hatred.


I would prefer someone to be in love with me. I like to think of myself as a person who tries not to take advantage of others, therefore I will have the other person's feelings in mind regardless of me not being in actual love. Bu

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it is often the person who cares the least who has the most power in the relationship. Therefore by being the person whose love is unrequited, it sets me up for all kinds of emotional problems I am not willing to endure.

I doubt that any relationship is entirely mutual with respect to amount of love. Doesn't mean they are all doomed to failure.


I spent quite a lot of money and time seeing a therapist I was besotted with, didn't get anywhere with her in any respect!

PatP Level 3 Nov 29, 2019

Oh my! I understand transference is common in therapy. I hope you were able to benefit from the therapy anyway.


It seems the men I am interested in aren't interested in me and vice versa. I am honestly feeling that I will never have a love-love relationship.


Love is a ephemeral notion.

It could be.

I have not found my own to be so. I still have warm feelings for every girl/woman I have dated.

@Reignmond That makes sense to me. It seems to not make sense that those warm feelings would go away just because you are no longer involved romantically.


I have never had the former happen, though I was more into someone as a person, than he was in to me (long story, don't date a narc). So no, I have never been in love with someone that didn't love me but I was more invested in someone emotionally than they were me. Yes the latter has happened to me.... it is an uncomfortable situation when you are trying to date someone and someone from your past comes back to declare their love for you. And I have had someone want to date me that I had no interest in romantically. IT is an uncomfortable and awkward thing but it can be navigated tactfully and delicately. I'd opt for neither!! ;D heh


Given only those two options without a mutual relationship, I would choose none of the above.

I have been in a few relationships where the female expressed traumatic hurt when I failed to develop a similar emotional tie to them as a future (I thought you were the one" partner. I find their hurt most painful.

As for falling in love with someone who did not share the mindset? Depends on how you define "fallen in love?" If you define "Falling in love" as willing to sacrifice opportunities and resources in an attempt to help another above my own well-being. Yes. If you include an expectation that this decade long relationship will flourish into a mutually beneficial outcome? No.


Both suck. Probably equally.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 27, 2019

Sometimes people drift in different directions. If it happens to you and you see no way out just let it go. Otherwise someone is going to become a statistic. You cannot force love or togetherness.


Very long time ago

bobwjr Level 10 Nov 27, 2019

Long for me too.




I will not be a pest loving anyone who won't love me


How could I not love she who loves me ?


Neither alternative is acceptable. That said, I would rather be the one in love because I can control myself. You can't control a stalker, and love can quickly turn to hate in such people.

Wow, people in love turn into stalkers? Sure there are some crazies out there, but seriously?


I’ve had each of those, in my 3 marriages.
First one, we were crazy about each other, inseparable...til we weren’t. It burned hot but fast.
Second marriage was convenience on my part; he was very in love with me. Over time, we grew apart and at different speeds.
Third time, I reconnected with my first real boyfriend from college. Definitely, I loved him the most, to begin with. In fact I still love him and always will. It’s just that we couldn’t live in the same area code🙄.
I’m not sure which is better; I’ve had all to eventually fail!


Love can only be partially explained!

Being in a mutual relationship that turned sour, can make you more than a little gunshy!!!

I have had my share of stalkers who professed to love me!

One of many reasons not to depend on mutual love, one of them always changes, not always for the better!

Two many out there that are manic depressive, bipolar and just plain pyschotic on wicked strange pharmaceutical therapies!!!

Honestly waaay better than people with mental disorders be on medication that controls or treats their symptoms than to experience some of the crazies doing things cold turkey! Ever encounter an unmedicated schizophrenic or someone in a manic state? You wouldn't want to.


1969 summer of love....thank you millions of women who taught us boys to become loved men

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:431780
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.