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The Science of Death: The Best Eulogoy, According to a Physicist.

"You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen."

-Aaron Freeman.

Link to article: [futurism.com]

RhondaShotwell 7 Feb 3
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35 comments

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10

I was bereaved last year when my son Graeme sadly took his own life at only 41 years. I had a humanist celebrant conduct a memorial in celebration of his life at his cremation. We played some of his favourite music, and mine, had his friends read poetry and relate anecdotes, and his brother talked of their childhood together and of family holidays in happier times. We then went off to eat, drink and happily talk and reminisce fondly of our times with him. I don’t really think having a physicist at the memorial would have been helpful to any of us, we already know the laws of physics in our family, but I realise that it may help others who have not such an understanding. It isn’t the thought of their energy still existing that gives the grieving comfort, but cherishing and holding on to the memories and the joy of their existence. I think speaking from recent personal experience, expressions of kindness, understanding, and human touch, are by far the best comforters at times of bereavement.

I'm so sorry about your son. That is a very difficult situation to go through.

@RhondaShotwell it was...thank you.

Yes, sorry about both the loss and the way it happened. That can be like a double whammy.

@BirdMan1. Thanks...yes it’s a tough thing to experience.

@Marionville There are support groups for parents who have lost a child to suicide.

@BirdMan1 Yes...I know. Thank you. The first anniversary has just passed, I’m doing okay at the moment. I’ve got a great support network of friends and this site is a great distraction,

I find the physicist's perspective wonderfully grounding, but I'm also comforted by my own:

My husband, my mother and others, live on, in my memories of what was; but, they also live in the future, as I consider what they would've thought and felt about new experiences that I have. They live on, as I recognise their influence on who I am, even 30 years later. And they will exist, as love, until the last person who knew and loved them, last mentions their name. At least until, I die.

It is my responsibility and privilege to support their continued existence, through me, with positivity, joy and grace. (Crying for myself, mourning what I've lost, being miserable does them a great disservice.) I remember and celebrate their soul songs, and I continue to develop myself, from a foundation of the influence of their lives and love for me.

My Dave still loves me, after 30 years, because others who loved him, love me. And I still actively love him, through loving them too. ❤

NB All of this I managed to learn, in spite of the horrendous and torturous proceedings of the full hour catholic mass that was his funeral. It was like pulling the veins from my heart, out of my wrists. They tortured and manipulated when I was so vulnerable and distraught.

May you seek comfort in shared memories, and carry your son into your future, with love. 💜

@LizZyG Thank you, and may you too continue to find comfort and joy in those cherished memories which will never die as long as we keep them alive in our hearts. 🤗

9

I've already made it clear that under no circumstances is there to be a funeral for me when I die.
Simple cremation only. No funeral service.
My nephew says he's going to throw a party and have a "roast", ala the Friars Club.
Everyone is going to drink heavily and insult me.
I think that will be way more fun for everyone.
Funerals are ridiculous traditions and I detest the entire funeral industry.
And everyone who knows me, knows this.

Maybe you should leave some jokes for them to read or better yet leave some 'roastings' for them.

@JackPedigo No need. They'll be fine on their own. I've already supplied them with years of material to work with.

@KKGator So I'm hearing, they can't wait???

@JackPedigo There's nothing to inherit, so no point in rushing me out the door.

@KKGator Sounds like a sign my mother had on our front door, "This house protected by poverty." Meaning don't break in (she lost the key to the front door) there's nothing to steal.

8

It works for me because, well, I'll be fucking dead. 🙂

6

In some weird way, I actually LOVE this, and I do find it comforting (having had my uncle pass away this past 02 NOV 2019).

5

I get where you're coming from with a logical approach to death & everything, but IMHO, it would not be of much comfort to me personally. It reminds me of how my religious mother said something like "he will always be with you" after not husband died. Not he's not. He's not here. It's not the same. It feels more like a chunk of me is missing, rather than a piece of him being with me. But, people tend not to understand this until they've experienced the loss of one of your closest loved ones. Your entire world is ripped out from under you & you have to relearn how to live your life. For me, it was my husband. We were only married a year, a month, & three days when cancer took his life. He was only 37 & I was only 29. Is it interesting to know that his energy will always be out there? Sure, but I wouldn't say it's comforting.

Just my two cents, anyways.

I am terribly sorry. That is very difficult.

I'm sorry about your husband. That is a sad situation to go through. My boyfriend died of lung cancer in 2012 after about 3 1/2 years of treatments. It is very difficult to witness and experience.

I can't say I'd find this approach comforting either. I just thought it was interesting to think about. Being an atheist it would really bother me to hear someone tell me that my boyfriend is looking down on me, is now my guardian angel, or God needed another angel. That last one really angers me when I hear people talk like that about a child who has died.

I think this approach might be better to think about at a different time other than a memorial.

@RhondaShotwell Thank you, & I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend as well. 😟 My husband had a rare form of testicular cancer that was actually in his lungs. (It was never in his testicles.) He fought for just over a year before it took him. It's an awful thing to have gone thru, & I am truly sorry that we have that in common. hugs

5

I love it! Can this guy speak at my funeral? Or, maybe I'll copy this and ask someone to "perform" it t my funeral!

I was thinking the same thing.

4

That is not what the grieving family want to hear no matter how true this may be.

For a religious person that would be true.

@Jolanta But isn't the whole problem with religion that it's based on what people "want to hear"? That, for example, the departed is now in heaven? That would be more comforting, but it results in the prolonging of faulty ways of thinking.

@RhondaShotwell article is fascinating because it opens up a healthier way of thinking.

That is, if people were were open to understand what life is actually about, and crucially, how limited it is, they would make the most out of their lives while they are still alive.

@Vpatel I don't think people necessary want to hear that the departed is now in heaven. They want to hear that the departed no longer is in pain, they want to hear how sad it is that the departed is no longer with them, they want to hear how great the person was, no matter if that is true or not, they want to hear how much the person is going to be missed, they want to be reassured that they (the living) will be all right without the departed. Or they do not want to grieve at all because they did not like or could not stand the departed and now are glad that he/she is gone and are curious who els thinks the same without giving themselves away.

@Jolanta Agree entirely, the items you mention would be more effective and less clinical, particularly to those with more emotional personality types. I just think that sometimes people need to hear the stark truth to kick themselves out of faulty thinking. My main frustration is that my dad died last month, and any hint of comfort to the congregation was completely themed around "God will take care of him now".

3

Thanks for this. A close friend is a physicist and I sent him this quote and suggested he take up a new calling.

3

Not bad. I like the general spirit that our substance is part of our world even after death.

3

Well I like it! Looks like some of the responded here didn’t get it.

Nice post 🤓

3

I'd rather have my favorite bartender give my eulogy...

...which is the perfect excuse to leave work for the afternoon.

::: sidles up to bar and gives bartender an intent look ::: "Yah, make that two fingers in a really wide glass... So, when the time comes, what will you say at my funeral...?"

2

Brilliant.

2

This made me shed a tear. Absolutely what I believed but could never explain.

2

Awesome

2

When I was a boy and my mother had death knocking at the door, she took me outside one clear evening and waved at the stars.
She said, do you see those?
I said of course Ma.
She said, "after I am gone, come outside and look at the stars, find the one thats blinking, that'l be me winking at ya" That was a family tradition, that the stars were our monuments.
Years later I would discover that was a commonly held belief system amongst the Algonquins and it had somehow bled into the Puritan cultural background of NE/CA, where my kin had come from since before America was America.

Its a fond sentiment.

"so they will understand that your energy has not died"
Human energy is not what people see as "ME", that would be conciousness, and we have no evidence at all that conciousness can exist after death without a brain. We also have reams of data showing that conciousness can be altered and transformed through trauma, drugs, surgery and so forth.

That evidence clearly shows conciousness is brain dependent.
If you disagree with that, please tell my TBI, it does not care.

WE, that is humans, are an evolved algorythm, a pattern which is expressed. We are like a software program running on a unit, if the unit fails there is no more program as it has nothing to run on. IMHO

2

Before my sibs died I asked them to put my remains away at minimal cost and to spend the rest on a party. Alas.

2

I prefer the sentiments of Thomas Hardy, as quoted in The Dogs of War:

"That _ be not told of my death, or made to grieve on account of me; & that I be not bury'd in consecrated ground; & that no sexton be asked to toll the bell; & that nobody is wished to see my dead body; & that no mourners walk behind me at my funeral; & that no flowers be planted on my grave, & that no man remember me; to this I put my name."

Interesting. I can't say I would want no one to remember me. That's a sad thought for me. At the very least I'd want my family and friends to think of me as someone they were happy to have in their lives, and that they love/d me.

From The Mayor of Casterbridge.

@Geoffrey51 Yes, but that's not where I first encountered it. The Dogs of War quote omits the lady's name, hence "_".

@Paul4747 Just sayin’. Adding a bit of extra depth to the text, that’s all.

2

I genuinely did this at my father's funeral a month ago, though nowhere near to this extent.

I grew tiresome that all the rituals focussed on the greatness of God, yet nothing being spoken about the life of my father. Also, I was humbled by the fact that once cancer had taken its hold through a physical process, it was not possible to negotiate with physics.

I therefore said that however much one prays, or whatever someone may believe, physics will march on and that everyone should make the most of the limited time available in their lives.

2

I love this! And my family would too!

2

Aaron Freeman is not a physicist, he is a comedian who converted to judaism from catholicism. I suspected immediately because physicists aren't this wordy or would ever say amen.

Did not know this. Is he the same one who is on NPR's All things Considered? I found a wiki article on him, and it appears that he has done many things.

[en.wikipedia.org]

@RhondaShotwell not sure. Perhaps.

2

I’m going to file this away and hope I can find it when I need it. It’s really nice to know and read all this, but if someone tried to tell me this while I was crying at my sister’s funeral, I’d probably knock them out. You gotta get me at the right time.

Carey Level 5 Feb 3, 2020
1

See the bird fly, see the fish jump, there I am.

1

I thought I responded to this post, or perhaps it was a similar one, but this is what I wrote after the untimely passing of my younger brother.

It's been a couple of weeks since my brother passed and I have not really said anything about it For the rest of my life Christmas will always be the time Jamie left this life. But it will also be the time that he rejoined the greater universe. I am not a religious man and I don't know what lies beyond this life if anything. I do know a few things. The tiniest particles in our bodies, the atoms of calcium in our bones, the iron in our blood, all of these are born in the heart of a star. When this star reaches the end of its life cycle, it erupts and spreads these atoms into the universe where they join other elements and give birth to another star. Some of these starts have planets and, on our little bit of star stuff, life is born. I like to think that my brother has simply gone back to the universe and the particles that once were him will, one day, be scattered once again. I like to think that some of him will become part of another world, another living thing, perhaps a brother who loves and is loved. A writer once said that we all have time machines. Those that take us into the future are our dreams. The ones that take us to the past are called memory. I find Jamie when I use either one.

And this was what I wrote when my mother passed a couple of weeks later.

It happened again yesterday. I was walking across the parking lot at Lowe's and it happened. I saw a small, older lady with grey hair and just for a second I saw my Mom. Now she passed a couple of weeks ago and reality set in after barely a second but for that second she was alive again for me. Some people might find this distressing but I find an odd comfort in it. I know it will stop eventually but until it does I feel like she is close and my memories can't fade like they will inevitably do. I hope I will continue to see her in little unexpected ways and places. I will be sad when I realize it is not happening any longer and my brief moments of memory are no more. I love you Mom.

Life is a condition, something is or is not alive. What makes life so special is the way you live it, how you affect others, the joy you share, the love you give, all of that lives beyond this fleeting instant of the cosmic clock. Celebrate the lives of those who've gone before us, keep their memory alive, always cherish the love you gave and received .

1

This is fantastic. Tremendously comforting and awe-inspiring.

1

Good application of Science. It can involve feelings.

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