Is it wrong for an overweight guy to have high standards in relationships? I've been getting flak lately for not allowing certain qualities into my standards because, "as a fat guy, ( I ) have no right to be so picky."
Context (if needed: ) I've worked hard for the last couple years and finally got out of the "Obese" BMI range for the first time in my adult life, coincidently alleviating both my depression and anxiety symptoms while at it. (Dropped nearly 100 pounds so far.) I finally started talking to women again in an attempt to restart my dating life, but I'm also a single dad to a pair of boys.
My standards are: Intelligent, kind, honest, sane, can hold a conversation, someone I can trust around my kids and someone that's not afraid to be immature and weird when a situation doesn't demand seriousness. Aesthetic attractiveness is not incredibly important but it is there in that I'm not attracted to women bigger than I am.
I was accused of being way too picky for a fat guy by three women in the last few weeks when I discovered they didn't meet multiple standards.
All opinions welcome and before anyone asks not once did the "bigger than me standard" even arise as I wouldn't have initiated a dialog with them in the first place. And no, sex wasn't an option either so these weren't one night stands that went bad either.
That being said, am I in the wrong here or just having issues finding a woman compatible with myself?
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10 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.You have a right to set standards for what you are looking for regardless of your personal appearance.. personally, I prefer men who are physically fit...
Cutiebeauty
Level 9
Feb 28, 2020
0
I wouldn't day it's wrong for an overweight guy to have high standards. I would call it unproductive or unrealistic.
I'm an overweight guy - I'm 35 pounds overweight according to Weight Watchers standards. I used to be 85 pounds over. I'm working on it.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Feb 25, 2020
1
I see nothing unreasonable in your desired standards. Regardless of anyone's weight , we each have a right to our own preferences. Of course, that doesn't always mean we'll get the opportunity to fully satisfy those desires !
Never hurts to try and shoot for the stars ! Best of luck !
evergreen
Level 8
Feb 24, 2020
2
I honestly didn't think I was being unreasonable. The standards they failed to meet were all personality related. Like I said I wouldn't have talked to them if they didn't meet my unconscious physical standards. But when I mentioned that I'm looking for something else they unanimously got irate and decided to bring my weight into the picture. Everything was fine until then.
@JohnnyMiller Sounds like you avoided some drama queens then - nice to be warned ahead of time ! Though perhaps you might try some different, kinder wording next time.
Like - "sorry, I'm just not feeling what I need to feel to want to move forward - nothing personal"
We each have the freedom to choose as we will. Sometimes knowledge of those criteria, if/when people find out about them has consequences.
My personal experience has been that if there is no physical attraction at the beginning, no amount of "working at it" will make there be. Some have gotten plenty angry at me for not being attracted. 
Zster
Level 8
Feb 23, 2020
1
Agreed. That's why "friends first" never becomes romance.
We are all entitled to have whatever standards we choose regarding who we will date. The ? is whether your standards are realistic in allowing you to have any success in finding someone where there is mutual attraction without some sort of transactional situation like a sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangement. I am not at all implying that is what you are after, it's just that those sort of arrangements are the most common situation in which one person brings a much more attractive appearance to the table than the man involved. All I can say is good luck...
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Feb 23, 2020
0
I got flack for a relationship( successful) with a beautifull
lady . Her children encouraged it ; It was long and beneficial
for all ; my point being some folks " outside " never take
chemistry into the equation. Use intuition to arrive at your
own needs and compatability. Seeing who a person really
is and can be is a bonding that ONLY happens between the
couple- others are always opinionated and biased.( her
and my family had objections- they were wrong).
Over time (and responsibilities) our search changes - but
pay attention to your inner voice( you understand your limits
and prefrences).Our judgment is not perfect::: revise it
over time.But it reflects the closest we could live with.
Thanks
BBJong
Level 7
Feb 22, 2020
2
1st thought is if you don't want someone bigger than you than what right do you have to bitch about them having a size limit you exceed?
2nd thought, if you find someone you actually are compatable with and her bmi is above what you want, you don't deserve her and she probably dodges a bullet by you rejecting her.
1of5
Level 8
Feb 22, 2020
3
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