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coming from a catholic background,how do you fill or erase the psycological void of God and how do you manage relationships with long time family and friends who are still catholics

TopStephis86 3 Feb 24

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you might just be open to redefining your current def of "God," after all I said "you are elohim," so Yah might get larger rather than smaller, so to speak, and as for getting along with Catholic relatives hey Catholics are awesome! At least at many things, "service" is actually a verb and not a noun to them, etc? So iow seek where you agree, and maybe overlook where you dont?


I simply don’t bring up my lack of religious beliefs around my religious family and friends.

It’s as simple as that !

@HarrySlick if only, wadr


This is a ridiculous question .How the heck can you have a psychological void about coming to a logical conclusion in regards to something you do not believe in anymore.There is not logical.

so who is appealing to logic there?

Harry, your attack tells me the question you say is ridiculous touched you in a sensitive place.

If one as a child was devout and believed kinda like Santa, then one day you wake up and believe no more as it is revealed religion of a personal god is ludicrous, you miss something. You see the futility of so much of what we all do.

Simple things Merry Christmas, happy easter and tiny things like

When you sneeze some one says God Bless You. many ancients believed that when you sneeze, your heart stops beating, (you also blink). So Catholics and most Christian say it so that in that instant you are really dead, GOD takes your immortal soul, not Satan.

You miss that, you miss being able to pray and hope there is help for ones foibles. And those things like people you do not know wishing you happy and merry something, are emmotionally like stroking, like petting a cat and the cat purrs.

You also see the futility of life itself. Since if no god and afterlife exists, there is no point to it, from the perspective of a person who's life is not great, like Drumpf, err Trump. He goes around sticking his wiki into whatever he likes. He grew up bullying people with no consequence, (apparently_ he was sent to a military school for assaulting a teacher, (both in a documentary).

His life was/is wonderful. He attended churches that preached that god make those who stroke him wealthy and it is ok to do as they wish, (Billy Graham Crap). I think when those people realize the ultimate end is blank black nothing, many choose suicide. I wish him great knowledge. Me, I believe in a god(s), either sexless or both sexes, who does not care a bit. I say I am agnostic, or to other really deist,
God does not have a flavor, nor does god care if we live or die or how hard the journey is to death. Ans the creator has no sex, or there are various gods. I don't know and neither to you, so effectively there is no god, as created by humanity.

Life is a cruel thing, with some fun on the way to the gallows.
You don't know how long.
You can't cure the ending.
God was invented to make the cruel journey easier.

Catholicis was in my day a very deep indoctrination, just 1-% less silly then: Born Agains, Stinky obnoxious rude Hasidim and Psycho Muslims.

When you rip off that band aid you miss it. The older you get the less you miss. Then you get really old and half your friends are gone. If you are childless it is worse.

I stopped believing when I was 15 or so, I miss it at times, then like a menopausal hot flash it is gone. I told my kids and wife, when I die do as you wish. I will be dead it will not matter. Torch me and sprinkle me in Yellowstone or in Harriman or pick a nice mountain. I'll be dead, I won't know and it won't matter, to me, whatever makes, YUN's, happy.



Why would one have a psychological void of god if they are an atheist ,agnostic or whatever? .This makes absolutely no sense .I have no psychological void of god .The Only people in my family who are aware that I am a nonbeliever are my wife daughter father and one friend who are non practicing Catholics ,and definitely not religious . These relationships have not been effected in any way .I see no need to tell anyone else

but you were not the subject?

Then how do you respond to anyone who asks you what church you go to or what religion you are? Do you tell them it's none of their business or what? Personally I am honest with them and tell them I am not religious. I have never regretted doing that.

@Ray13 I do not tell people I am a nonbeliever unless they ask .If they ask it depends who they are as to what I will say .I would say I am not religious and do not go to church. If my very religious grandmother had ever asked me I would have told her what I thought would make her happy.

@richiegtt Try telling people. You may then feel the void your silence conceals.

@yvilletom I feel absolutely no void .To me a person who feels compelled to tell others that they are a nonbeliever is similar as someone that must tell others they are religious and believe in a god which on this site is frowned upon .So I see this as hypocritical as far as these members are concerned.I feel that you are projecting your feelings on me .


I never felt a void just relief. Sadly believers do not practice what they preach. My mom and i talked a bit but her religion was her crutch through life . Know that you are loved by people like you will find on this sight. I think of people inflicted with religion as having a disease or deformity and feel sad for them but do not hold it against them. Unless they pull it out of the closet and try to inflict that disease on me . Then game on. but mostly just try to let it slide by.


What the Roman Catholic Church does to children and organized society is a crime against humanity. It isn't limited to the extremely abusive, murderous history but accounts for how all of the atrocities could have happened in the first place. The church, and other male dominated theologies, doctrines are imposed with a great deal of fear if one should happen to fall-short. Fear-based myths are powerfully destructive when embraced en mass. Christendom has no monopoly on fear keeping the flocks close to the shepherds.

A Catholic 'education' and nascent beginnings are unavoidably pathogenic because the first order of business is to interfere with a child's natural drives and instincts to think and reason independently; to deprive natural, self regulating morality and sexuality of opportunities to develop naturally AS SOON AS POSSIBLE; to repackage and prematurely introduce an artificial system of "morality" and reality as soon as possible. Parents, of course, addicted themselves, pass-on the affliction via both endorsement and example; often bad example.

The longer one is exposed to and held captive by Catholicism, the more profound and sometimes permanent the damage. We are born without beliefs in gods, fairies, leprechauns, hobgoblins and bogey men. Without introduction, often for AMUSEMENT of our elders and parents, to mythical, ever 'watching' gods and minor gods, we develop naturally with a priceless set of faculties that adapt to loving, accepting fostering and protecting family and peers. For over 95% of our presence here the concept of ownership was both absent and unnecessary, as we know it today. Land, other people, animals etc. didn't become objects of ownership and accumulation until the advent of agriculture about 10,000 years ago and the even more destructive advent of exclusive male domination about 6,000 years ago.

We live in the brine, like pickles or olives. What we are and perceive ourselves to be is thoroughly saturated with the unnatural and has made us into something other than our existence within the intentionality of Nature. Chief among the most destructive causes for our dire situation in the 'modern' world are fear-based, male dominated, virgin worshiping, female and child abusing theologies and the political ideologies they've spawned.

The feeling of a void in the wake of abandonment of delusional, superstitous living is a healthy sign, like withdrawal discomfort from substance addiction. Time and relentless seeking even greater independence suits our nature as human creatures. My favorite quotation expresses it wonderfully:

"Love, work and knowledge are the wellsprings of our life. They should also govern it." Wilhelm Reich, M.D.

I could not have said this any better. well done. Raised catholic was torture. All of the fairy tails and hate was so reverse to the real world I was growing up in in the lake country of Vermont. Religion is Men-Control-Power over lemmings. Not about peace-love-understanding.

You made quite a few valid points, but I would like to say that -while the history of abuse and mind control exists/has existed- the vast majority of children educated in Catholic schools never suffered any kind of the abuse we often hear about. Moreover, the apparent control the Catholic church seems to have exerted over the population for centuries was/is, in most cases, only skin deep. People carried on with their lives while complying with the rituals as another opportunity to celebrate, get together and just to keep appearances. At least that has been the reality in traditionally Catholic Spain, my native country.

@Hipatia Your comment perhaps describes your experience.
The abuse I knew was not sexual; it was mental and interfered with my “wired-in” (?) need to develop my abilities. Catholicism’s methods enslaved my father’s father, my father, and would have enslaved me if some trauma had not helped me escape.


I was a catholic. I feel no psychological void of good any more than I feel a psychological void of Humpty Dumpty. The rest of my family have all pretty much grown agnostic over the years. I'm the only full blown atheist.

But we've all left our former faith behind.


I don't fill in the void. I avoid the religion subject when I can. My family "believes in their own way" and I have a murdered grandson. Sometimes his sister finds feathers and claims she knows he is around because of them. I tell her to start looking for a bird. Her belief system is ridiculous!

  1. The Relatives: Do not discuss religion, it is just foolish!
  2. Free of guilt for "sin" fill your days with things that make you happy (and hurt no one).

I guess that depends very much on what it was you did to occupy that psychological space before. Was it having people around who believed as you did? Was it prayers, songs, activities that your mind was focused on? Was it the idea that there was something there but now there isn't? When you figure that part out then you can compensate with something similar but not quite religious.

As for managing relationships, I don't know that they necessarily have to change that much. If you don't wish to discuss religion with them, or beliefs or what you are doing with that time now... then say as much. Tell them you are working through some things and don't wish to discuss it and leave it at that.

Of course I come from a place of thinking religion and belief systems are a very personal and private thing that should be treated as such... as in not shared and compared or forced on others... but then I'm weird and quirky that way.

AmyLF Level 7 Feb 26, 2020

ha! fwiw proselytizing is a crime in Israel, no one does that there, nor anywhere in the mideast, that crap will get you nicked in a hurry lol

@bbyrd009 Discussing religious beliefs and proselytizing are two different things. People can compare notes without being interested in convincing someone to change religions.


Having safely escaped the aforementioned cult, in which I was raised, enabled me to spend my life breathing much easier. No psychological void for me.

I’m polite with the Catholics in my life provided they are the same way with me, but I make it clear that I’m never going back


My catholic siblings will talk to me if cornered, and we avoid each other (doesn't hurt that I live in NC, and they all live in the Midwest). They don't like that I point out discrepancies in the bible they can't explain other than 'faith', and they don't like that I tell them they should be out doing, not inside praying.

I'm happy not to be in their company, actually. I don't want to hurt their feelings, but can't believe we share the same genes.


It was a relief to me, not a void at all...


Catholics are not that much different from other faiths, where this immense personality--the all-knowing, all-seeing and all-powerful deity--occupies basically every aspect of one's life. How indeed does one fill such a void? By coming to terms with your new model of God and viewing it as a tumor that has been growing on your psyche from a very young age. A great relief may come when the cancerous burden of belief in a deity is surgically removed by the voice of reason. And when interacting with friends and relatives who believe differently, one simply must find a way to love them without judgment. My advice, after years of 'engagement' on the topic, is to disengage on the subject of religion or faith with your family, if possible, and view them as caring persons who hold different beliefs than you.


I don't recall ever feeling a void. My family doesn't live close to me, so my religion doesn't come up. Most of my family is not religious anyway.


I sought out information: other theologies; other cultures; superstitions; belief systems. Then when I had done a lot of that; I learnt to trust myself to find my own meaning, with the help of my friends. I think it helps that my brother is an atheist, he even mentions to me when I’m using Christian ideas sometimes 😊
My parents don’t really bother me about it; I’m much happier being my own person than attempting to be someone else’s.


I feel no more of a psychological void from the loss of god than I did for from the loss of the tooth fairy, in fact it is and always has been a relief.
As for those who are still religious if my change of heart makes them reject me, then they never actually like me in the first place, a was just another notch on the members list.
Some of those who I knew when I was religious are still my friends and family, some are not and some where not but having left religion themselves in the subsequent time have now apologized to me and made amends.


I grew up in an evangelical Christian environment. The people in my family, and friends I made in church are way less understanding than my Catholic friends are. For some reason Catholics seem more laid back and understanding than my family.


My family has always been catholic, they know I don't believe in any gods or religions because they asked me, so I told them and why. They continue to go to mass and do the things catholics do, and I do my own thing with my family, they have never failed to invite me to christmas for example and I go because I enjoy family gatherings, exchanging presents, the food, etcetera. I always excuse myself from the table whenever they want to do some kind of religious stuff and they all know my stance on prayer (useless), they also stopped trying to change my pov because I know my stuff from the scriptures, have read the bible critically many times as well as the koran, torah, and all the organized religions thoroughly and they are all full of crap, mysogyny, barbarism, and ignorance. They know by now well enough not to challenge me because without any anger I can expose their belief in things they know are ridiculous and plain illogical. So we coexist peacefully which is better than a lot of other families I know. As for the void, there isn't any because a non-existent entity cannot leave any void to fill. I am free and enjoy that freedom every single day.


First of all welcome and you have arrived at a great community that is helpgul in doing jist that!

This could be covered in many books and is! My first suggestion is my YouTuber friend BMillzebub. Go to his Youtube channel and check it out. He is a Catholic apostate and apecifically deals with these things from a former Catholic perspective.

It appears that you have come to the same conclusion that many of us have that the Christian god does not exist. If that is the case god was never there in the first place so there was always a REAL void and you have come to accept that. There has been nothing to loose but what you thought you had. This being said our brains have a hard time accepting that and our EMOTIONS and CONNECTIONS are VERY real. How we deal with this is dependenat on how we accept reality and our individual personalities. YOU HAVE ALREADY TAKEN THE HARDEST STEPS!

How we deal with our relationships is more dependant on the micro cultures we live in and OTHER PEOPLE than oursleves. Some family may simply accept our lack of belief and others may shunn us or decide to end our relariinships. That is up to them and their problem not ours. That is easy to say, but not easy to deal with. It is however the fundamental truth. Most people find that it is easier than we thought. Often we find out who really loves us and who is too indoctrinated to be able to love us more than their fairy tale ( yeah that was kinda bitey but how it is).

I have a YouTube channel dedicated to those who are apostates and those who are questioning their religion where I deal with my past and how religon has affected me. This allows me to help others and helps me to deal with it.

READ! CHECK OUT YOUTUBE Videos. There are tons of channels that deal with the same things we are going through, we are not alone. Once you have done a bit of looking around you will find that there are more people going through the same things than you imagined, by a long shot!

Shedding the indoctrination is the biggest hurtle we have to deal with. We often find that we hold beliefs simoly because religion has told us to. Are gay people bad wrong or perverted? No. We we taught that they are? Yes. Is it true? HELL NO! once we identify false beliefs we can dump them and move on. Heck we might find out that we are gay and deneying that has caused much misery in our lives. Take one subject and one step at a time.


There is no void just because I no longer believe in a deity, life goes on, and no one else really needs to know about my atheism. There is much more to life than worrying about such.


I was born in So. Europe, in a not-really-religious family although I received all the sacraments except the last rites, and was educated in a Catholic school. For me, it was a natural progression what turned me an Agnostic at age 15-16. I never felt that ‘void’ you speak of, nor guilt of any kind.
As a rule, I do not discuss religion with Bible thumpers, only with fellow agnostics/atheists and people who still think there is a god but question many aspects of the religious education they received .


I wasn't a catholic but I wouldn't think it would be too difficult. My wife is somewhat of a fallen Catholic and she seems to have little problem. She lets things slide and doesn't antagonize but stands her ground when confronted.

gearl Level 8 Feb 24, 2020

I, too. was raised as a Catholic. After becoming an apostate and giving up my faith in any gods, there was a void. What did I believe now?

Belief in a natural world replaced my belief in a supernatural world. Evidence based beliefs replaced blind faith. Science replaced religious dogma.

Re your “Science replaced religious dogma”, I studied science (physics) and the religious method I had used fell victim to the scientific method.


The void that is God became for me a fiction. I avoid the subject when it comes to friends. (My family is/was atheist.)


My bf is Catholic.. We don't do religion though... His family is very religious, they know im not..

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