A hypothetical moral dilemma:
Dan melody are dating, Dan ask Melody" are you on birth control?"
Melody says" no problem I have it all taken care of".
Melody asked Dan" would you like to get married and have kids?"
Dan says" no I don't want to get married and I don't want to have kids"
time passes they move in together Dan notices there's no birth control pills, Dan's not worried 10 years ago he had a vasectomy.
they live together for 5 years and Melody asks" I wonder why I'm not pregnant".
Dan says" I told you I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to have kids".
should Dan have told Melody about his vasectomy?
1
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
14 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Why would a guy who had had a vasectomy ask if the gal is on birth control? Unless he is setting her up.....
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Apr 21, 2020
0
good point...there seems to be a lot of partial communication here.
These two are both liars and have terrible communication skills. Instead of her just being like well I need a man that wants kids! Or him just saying and I won't ever have kids, due to the vasectomy. They both played games and used ommission and deception. Quite frankly, they deserve one another. XD
demifeministgal
Level 8
Apr 21, 2020
3
Yes. A strong relationship is always based on good communication. If you've lived with someone and been in a relationship with that person for 5 years and haven't told the person this intimate fact about yourself then it brings into question the whole relationship. Also, someone's actions shouldn't be entirely predicated on others, you should act in the right way because you believes it's right.
mateo24rusia
Level 1
Apr 5, 2020
1
Well yes, they both should have been totally honest, but as we know people don’t do what they, ‘should’ they, ‘do what they do’.
Neither were totally honest, and he came out on top, (lols), so to speak!
(Expecting someone to take carcinogenic contraceptives when they don’t need to shows a lack of love in my book too.)
girlwithsmiles
Level 8
Apr 2, 2020
3
wait how do you know her contraceptives would be carcinogenic? Or, do you think ALL contraceptives women use are carcinogenic?
@demifeministgal the most effective / combined ones are: [google.co.uk]
Listed under e. (American Cancer Society website link).
I still drink alcohol too.
No, he asked and she gave him an incomplete answer. He was upfront and honest and she was not. She should have told him from the onset that she wanted kids.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Mar 31, 2020
1
He was not completely honest and upfront. Omission is still a type of dishonesty, just an indirect variety. They are both deceptive liars and deserve one another, imo.
@demifeministgal Only partially agree. He said what he wanted (or did not). She did not mention her desires so there was no need of him telling her of his vasectomy. But, once they moved in there should have been an open discussion of this fact. I still the problems as being mostly on her.
When my late partner and I were talking on the phone (1st 2 months, we lived in different places and did not meet) this was one of the first things I mentioned. She had also gotten sterilized. Fact is she had 3 kids and I 1 and the time for children was well passed. Our relationship was much better as there were no kids to create added stress.
Failing to give another adult information that they need in order to make an informed life decision is deception in my opinion. Both were deceptive and profoundly disrespectful of the other's autonomy. We each have to take responsibility for our own actions.
Cyklone
Level 7
Mar 31, 2020
4
Yeah ; kindergarten time !!!
Let the chips FALL where they might.
The question I ask is, at the start of their relationship, why did he ask her if she was on birth control instead of telling her that she didn’t need to worry about it because he’d had a vasectomy. If he had done so, there would have been no deception or misconceptions on either side. Melody would then have known exactly what the position regarding them having children together was, and made her decision to accept that or find another partner. I believe that Dan’s deception was fundamentally dishonest, and morally reprehensible.
Marionville
Level 10
Mar 31, 2020
6
you make a great point here. Dan started the relationship off with a hidden adversarial agenda.
Given that there are women who are dishonest the only reasons I can think of why he would withhold that pertinent info was a means to have a built in litmus for infidelity but it was also dishonest on his part.
What if she had been taking hormones all that time ? This is no small thing as there are no shortage of side effects for many women BESIDES avoiding pregnancy.
True- that's y I brought up adoption/ clear the air set the
fundamentals.
Thanks.
She had the right to know in order to save the use of
contraceptives. I think honesty is a hallmark of a strong ,and deep relationship. Although not required on day 1- as the relationship developed,he would have the obligation to protect her choices.
Adopting would be a valid option-so if she had the goal of having a child- that should have been stated also.
BBJong
Level 7
Mar 30, 2020
4
@IrishTxJudy there are other forms of BC besides pills. IUDs & shots. I recall those shots could have serious consequences for some women.
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.