There are no words at this point, language has its limits and it has reached them here. All the support that I can offer you, it is yours

Everyone has already said the things I want to say except I'm very sorry you lost your brother.

I am truly sorry!!! Sending comforting vibes!!

Here's a favorite meme of mine...as I get closer to "the end" I like to read it often....

Sorry for your lost. Remember him and the good times that you had together. He will always live in your memories. My sincere condolences.

Please accept my condolences. Can you please explain why you have not been able to grieve? Is it because you can't see him? Is it because you can't attend a funeral? Death is one of those events that we shroud in ritual, and many people find comfort in those rituals. Grieve. Remember him. Think about him fondly. Think about the arguments. Remember him to friends and to yourself. For now, do it online in messages with friends. In a couple of months, hold a memorial service for friends and family.

It is referred to as a "grieving process." It takes time. My father died 9 years ago, and my mother died 2 years later. I still miss them. I still grieve, and, to a certain extent, expect to for the rest of my life.

We are born into this world alone. We choose who to spend our time with when adults. We die alone and cannot change one thing that we have done in the past nor do anything differently once dead.

Live with the living not the dead or believed "on a pedestal concepts" of what the deceased was.

I now apply the rule that if I did not spend time with you when you were alive then don't expect me to spend time with your coffin when you are buried.

Perhaps you have nothing to grieve over, happily being in the position that you have done everything that you & your brother ever wanted to do.
Most people grieve for what death prevented from happening.

How awful - my sincere condolences. Maybe some things to help ease your pain ... :

[cnbc.com]

If they put tent religious gatherings during this pandemic, the congregations will suffer higher death rates which they probably deserve. Unfortunately they will in depth infecting other innocents.

Will the rest the rest of the world understand the idiocy of that decision and rebel? I hope so but doubt it.

Hi Leu, good to read you. My condolences on your loss, I don't know what to say otherwise, that's a horrible thing to have to endure.

Thinking of you with love...time is the only healer but talking about your grief may help so we are here for you. RIP baby brother.