Women need more of a feeling of connection prior to sex and take up to 45 min to reach full arousal. Foreplay can/should start well before physical contact with flirtation etc. Men can reach full arousal in minutes. This simple biological difference between men and women creates a lot of misunderstandings and missed opportunities!

I think both men and women want similar things - sometimes that is inimacy, sometimes that is physical release. The difference is that women need more time and more mental stimulus leading into sex. Due to the power dynamic, women also need to feel emotionally ‘safe’ to relax, which might look like a need for intimacy. However a woman doesn’t necessarily need ‘intimacy’ if a partner knows how to create a flirtatious and comfort emotional space. And likewise a man might be able to just focus on the physical, but he will probably enjoy it a lot more of intimacy is part of the exchange.

Holy shit. Every woman who replied said this is not true and dudes trying to defend his beliefs about womens experiences AGAINST the women who've actually had those experiences. Cognitive dissonance much????

I don't believe there to be any difference between the sexes. I believe those to just be stereotypes have been forced on to us by society.

I'd say no pattern. I genuinely believe that most sex differences (beyond primary and secondary sex differences) are cultural. I think its just an outgrowth of the "woman as natural nurterer" myth.

My argument is for no pattern... but not for the reason you think. There may have been more pronounced stereotypes prior to the modern age of medicine and Food Science.

Consideration should be given to the number of chemicals we ingest/absorb that alter our hormones and drive.There are hundreds of chemicals the food industry is allowed to add to our food and not tell us about it - and while many of them are to preserve our food, some of them are there to make us hungry, thirsty, fat, depressed (yes seriously), and/or perky. Then, add in side effects of medications, high doses of sugar and caffene, and high stress working/living conditions.

Our biology systems, regardless of gender, will ride the rollercoaster of hormones, or worse yet, get stuck in one emotion or another. Making it unpredictable how we will feel about sex or intimacy in the future.

This is kind of like saying new yorkers like mustard and saurkraut on their hot dogs more than relish and ketchup and do Chicagoans always prefer deep-dish pizza rather than thin crust. Really depends on the mood and ultimately the personality of the person. And I think the question has heterosexual and cisgender bias.

Nope. The women I know enjoy GOOD sex, which often includes more than someone penetrating them.

I'm not experienced enough to comment on how others feel, but I find intimacy critical. Cuddling, talking face to face, and kissing are all super hot to me.

So in conclusion there is no right or wrong answer. Its all a matter of perspective and individual preferences. Whatever works best. Which makes finding a partner or future mate interesting because I think incompatible sex habits has ruined more than a few marriages.

I don't personally have enough data points to make a decent study write up, lol. But though my general sense matches yours, I have been delighted by exceptions.

Nope. I like the physical as much as any guy would. ETA:. I agree with those who say women want more than just penetration, but I don't mean connexion and feelings and shit, I mean there's more to our bodies than just the vagina!

I wasn't aware there was any difference!

That's an interesting topic. It's difficult for me to answer on a personal level, as I lead an alternative lifestyle. Imo it is about the individuals and their perspectives and due to relativity, there can be no right or wrong answers.

If that were true, why are the 50 Shades of Gray books so popular with women.

Even though the author is religious I kind of buy into the 5 Love Languages concept. I would classify as a Physical Touch/Quality Time so Intimacy is very important to me but might not be for someone else.

No general pattern.

Now that I’m an old lady, post-menopausal, it HURTS. A woman must premoisturize down there.

(The following are thoughts, not beliefs. I'm not attached to any of it. Please keep that in mind and feel free to express objections or educate me. Since I'm talking out of my ass here, I'm not sure if any of this is offensive, so this is me apologizing in advance.)

I think females are more vulnerable and have more burden and consequence to bear in the procreation process. I think this has a tendency to foster behaviors which are more cautious around sex in many cases. I think a lot of women may rail against the notion that they are less "physical" than men... but how much of this is a reaction to a social projection? That is to say... how much of one's assertion about equivalence in one's sexual desire is an effort not to appear "prudish" or "frigid"? I could say this may have a role in how genuine one expresses their position on the topic... perhaps calling up an answer in a way that more "defends the female gender", than honestly from their own accounts of relating with others?

Are you turned on by Porn? No? Why not?
I think most males are... and only about half of women would say (or think) yes to that.
So which is it? If they really are just as fixated on the physical aspect as men... why aren't they as into Porn as men? Feel free to fact check that... lemmee know if you find studies to contradict what I'm saying about Porn consumption.

As further evidence. Why aren't females generally aroused by random pictures of strange dicks? Apparently women don't appreciate it much. (never sent one myself, let me know if you're interested. LoL! I hear it's a thing.) If random women sent me pictures of their vaginas or nude bodies... I honestly wouldn't complain much (feel free! Lol again!). Do we ignore this elephant in the room? I mean, come on... there is a distinct disparity in approach here. I literally have never had an unknown female send me a random nude picture of any kind (i've had a few from knowns... I'm talking strangers)... but from what I understand, most females have had to deal with this (for them) nuisance on a regular basis. I would guess the frequency is higher the younger, skinnier and "cuter" you are. Daaaaamn... Maybe I'm just not cute enough to get random naked pictures... shit... I need to lay on the floor.

I think a much higher percentage of women have an aversion to or just have a tendency to be less interested in pornography. I think the conversation around pornography and gender does indeed provide insight in how male sexuality differs from female. Of course there are always exceptions, we are talking statistics here and making generalizations. Of the women that I have encountered so far, only 2 have had the same drive I have... and I was still usually the initiator. It's anecdotal, but while I have enjoyed the company of many sexy ladies... generally speaking I require auxilary release.

It's just a bullshit theory and I'm sure I'm not the first to think it:

Primitive Male Reproductive Model: We make a buhjillion small seeds every day... the more we sow, the better our chances to prolioferate genetic lineage. Fuck a lot of people! Frequently! Make as many babies as possible because most of them will probably die since we don't have much interest in caring for them. Good luck moms!

Primitive Female Reproductive Model: We make only one seed a month and it takes a very long time in a vulnerable state to nurture and protect it once it is fertilized. Bearing and rearing a child is difficult, dangerous work... and our chance to bring viable offspring into adulthood could sure be improved if we had a little help. Maybe this guy will stick around.

That's just based on the Gametes we carry. I think all our "structures of awareness" have layered components, with the oldest and most primitive being the fastest, most forceful and compelling ones. New, more sophisticated ways of seeing things tend to be slower and less mmm.. urgent.

The physical is enhanced by the intimacy for me....but the intimacy is not always necessary under the right safe circumstances.

How do you differentiate between intimacy and physicalness in sex?

Humans are so diverse but I think men are more shallow.

Men are typically socialized to be emotionally stoic, self-sufficient, etc. The only times they are supposed to be tender, sweet, and vulnerable are with their children, or just before, during, or after sex. Maybe. Many men extend the "toughness" training into their sex lives as well. But it also helps explain why men are stereotypically always interested in sex. It's terribly limiting to only have one avenue available for vulnerability, and if you further restrict yourself from emotional involvement and only allow yourself vulnerability in the moment of orgasm, it's no wonder you would chase the orgasm like an addict chasing heroin.

It's interesting to note that men, particularly in middle age, have higher suicide rates than women. It's been theorized that this is due to an incapacity to become emotionally vulnerable and share emotional burdens. I recommend that men in our society learn to become more emotionally vulnerable. It will improve mental health, diminish sexual obsession and aggression, and increase equanimity.

I would like to add that your original question ought to be flipped on its head, like so: "Since women more typically display a normal baseline of emotional intimacy both in and out of the bedroom, why is it that men typically display such a pinched and bankrupt level of intimacy - both in and out of the bedroom?"

I highly, highly, highly recommend a book on female sexuality called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It demonstrates that there is a wide variation among individuals with regard to sexual interest, response, desire, and so on. [amazon.com]

Interesting discussion.

Married for 50 years -- the question beats me -- I'll be following this to see what the consensus is!! If I said "it depends on the time of the month" - I'd probably be involved in a flame war I couldn't win - but....