I think there’s a difference between “honesty” and sincerity. This idea that we have to tell each other everything I think does more damage than it does good. In fact, in itself it could be dishonest, since how I feel about whatever we’re talking about today, I could feel completely different tomorrow.

It think it’s intent. If I’m “hiding” stuff, I think that tends to mess up a relationship. If I’m deceiving, that also is toxic to a relationship. That and there’s always the context. Just blurting stuff out at the wrong time can really mess things up to.

But if we’re sincere—or maybe a better word is integrity—that means we will always try to do right by the relationship and each other even if that means that we don’t always say what’s on our mind.

I believe there is great value in being radically honest. I believe that honesty does create greater emotional intimacy. I am 100% intolerant of lies or ommissions meant solely to deceive.

I do not believe that being radically honest or having emotional intimacy means divulging one's every thought to a partner.

I believe we are all entitled to our private thoughts and feelings.

I do not believe that every past secret we've ever had must be divulged to every person with whom we are in a relationship.

Unless its a live-in relationship, and even then, honesty is important. In my last relationship which lasted 10 years towards the end and after it ended I found out that my partner had been fooling around with a much younger 20 year old single mother who was a friend of ours. He was constantly on gambling sites and was talking to women who would send him porn. When I finally decided I had enough she flew out from Michigan and drove back to Michigan with him and my dog Aussie. That was 9 years ago. Been single ever since.

Again, it seems I am the outlier. I think intimacy can only be developed over time, and is built on trust. There's a big difference between honesty and full-disclosure. It's perfectly reasonable to keep some things to yourself. As long as they do not directly impact the other person, it's not necessarily any of their business what happened in your life before you met them. Expecting total full-disclosure is completely unreasonable. It's an invasion of privacy, which we are all entitled to.

Honesty is important, but sharing every little thing is boring on one side and invasive on the other.

Intimacy is "into me see" and I don't think you can have emotional intimacy without honesty. That being said, there are always things we keep private, but it's about being able to share the things that are essential. I also don't think emotional intimacy can be established overnight; it takes time and patience to establish levels of trust that allow us to open up.

I dare to say that almost all of us in close relationships still have secrets we do not wish to reveal. But, I do not see that having secrets is being dishonest. It is simply deep privacy. In a persisting close relationships, more and more secrets are revealed over time, as one becomes more and more trusting of the other, and as one feels the need and desire to share more and more of himself or herself.

Emotional intimacy is, I think, more related to feeling valued and safe than being honest in everything.

No, I don't think they are interdependent.

As a woman, speaking only for myself, we're ALL HUMAN. That being said, I have NOT been honest in my relationships regarding flaws or irritants in my partners due the fact that certain things just aren't a big deal. I'm not perfect either so why nag someone else? Honesty can hurt. That needs to be taken into account. Honesty does indeed deepen intimacy. Pretty much ALL other areas outside of insignificant flaws & irritants though...ya totally honest helps keep it hot.

I think it probably very much depends on what sorts of things someone is being dishonest about and whether both parties are aware of and accept that secrets are an OK thing in their relationship. A white lie now and then might be simply to protect someone's feelings. Some couples have a don't ask, don't tell policy that works for them and still enjoy intimacy.

Personally, if I am 'with' someone then we are a team and I would like to think that there is no need to keep things secret, that is what 'being a team' is all about. If they said they had things in their past they would prefer to not speak about, I could probably accept that. If they were doing things or involved in things that they didn't feel able to share with me, I would be very interested to know what those things were as, chances are, if they don't think it is a goo idea to tell me, I might view them and the viability of the relationship differently if I knew.

I just came out of a 12 year relationship which ended for various reasons but included secrecy around addiction. I can happily stick by someone I love who is working on their addiction issues and trying to resolve the underlying reasons for it, but I found the secrecy which came with it hard to process. Although it improved with time, each slip up would take me back to square one. It wasn't the core issue which ended the our relationship but it probably did impact my ability to feel emotionally intimate with him and that in turn, over the years, had a knock on effect on how we interacted in other ways. He became more angry and would have outbursts which I couldn't deal with. Had that intimate connection not been disrupted, who knows how differently things might have played out.

On a positive note, both he and I had a very clear understanding around infidelity and trusted each other implicitly. If a couple are deeply commited to each other yet have an open relationship, I think that is fine so long as it is all agreed (and discrete). I struggle to comprehend how men or women can have affairs on the side, in secret and be comfortable within their own skin, let alone feel like they are being 'intimate' or true to their signifcant other. So if that is what you are referring to when you talk about honesty, for me it would be a total deal breaker.

Speaking as a woman who just ended a relationship with a dishonest man, I can say that physical intimacy can happen regardless of honesty or dishonesty, but emotional intimacy can not happen without honesty.

Guessing men will have a different answer, but for women, I think I'm in the majority with this stance. And women, at least I, really get off on emotional honesty.

In my case, the dishonesty was only regarding his relationships with other women, which he would hide from me, but had high honest integrity in other matters. There were other factors, but the lack of emotional dishonesty was a huge part of our breakup.