Follow up to "A Major Milestone" post. I had a first date today with a guy I met through a dating app. The first thing he said to me was, "you look better than your picture on the website.". (Which was a little disappointing because I chose that picture because I thought it was a decent image of me.". THEN he said, "Yeah, you look a lot better than your picture. I wouldn't mind being seen with you.". I think he thought he was giving me a compliment, but I feel like a carpet remnant. "Well, you look better than you did in the ad, so I'll put you down in the mudroom and walk all over you.".
Am I over-reacting? I might see him again, but am not sure. OH -- he used his opportunity for a hug to cop a feel. Not very classy.
Run away - don't walk away, just run - from that douchebag. That is so super creepy I cannot even begin to describe it. Ick ick ick. Did I mention ick?
haha
Nope. Nopeity Nope Nope Noping Nopitudes of Nope.
Upvoted for "Noping Nopitudes of Nope." Stealing this.
Also, ^^This!
^^^^^^^^^
and no
I'm guessing you have run out of nopes to give...
@Palindromeman Only because I've run out of gropes to give.
His actions are telling you who he is right from the start.
Can't understand how you (or any sensible man in similar circumstances) would even consider the possibility of another encounter.
What is often called a 'first date' I think to be a bit inaccurate. When the two people don't know each other, also applies to 'blind dates', it seems more accurately a meeting. (screening) To learn if the person is polite, has other good manners, shares any common life passions, has any interesting views, in agreement or not and shows interest and respect, agreeing or not.
To me, this is far ahead of a time for issuing personal appearance evaluations and how they might bear on whether to be 'seen with' another person. People also telegraph as much about motivations and their priorities by the questions and unsolicited satements as they do by answers to questions..
This guy began testing you right away for manipulation potential and by that alone showed himself to be a possible abuser.
Well put, @Silver1wun! I like that: a screening.
Well I hope you look better than your picture, because you seem to be missing eyes, nose and mouth.
The first part could of been nice..Should of followed it up with
"Granted your pictures looked great but wow!"
@SilverDollarJedi I'm sure you're much prettier in person as well good sir.
@SilverDollarJedi joking with ya friend..In regards to the o.p
You are not over-reacting if you aren't attracted to men who feel appearance is important (to give his friends a good impression when you are out with him). If he meant it as a compliment, it was a self centered phrasing. The very classic "You look great." never fails to flatter a date.
Also, a first date is never an opportunity to cop a feel unless the person invited you to do it. Knowing and respecting personal boundaries is an essential part to healthy relationships.
This person values physical appearance and their comfort level above you and your comfort level. Pretty one-sided approach.
I'm not understanding how "You look better than your picture." is an insult.
I think it was the follow-up comment that made it insulting:
"THEN he said, "Yeah, you look a lot better than your picture. I wouldn't mind being seen with you." "
It's not that I think it's a terrible insult. I hear it as saying, "you didn't look very good in that photo," when I thought it was a decent picture of me. Just disappointing to realize that what I thought was a good advertisement isn't attractive to customers.
I think I’d feel the same way as you do if someone said that to me....and copping a feel?... I think that’s totally disrespectful. He sounds arrogant and no i don’t think you’re over reacting.
If he "copped a feel" when you hugged him, why would you want to see him again?
Because I am so insecure that I think he might be the best I can do. But even with those insecurities, I think if I end up alone, I can deal with it.
If he made you feel like a "carpet remnant" on your first date, it does not bode well for any improvement moving forward.
He already thinks he's better than you. That's going to get worse.
He doesn't respect boundaries. He already used a hug to cop a feel.
This is a guy who probably wouldn't take "no" for answer.
The red flags are big, and flapping vigorously. Pay attention to them.
Many men are generally awkward with language. Stumble tongues..I allow some leeway before flailing their flesh and hanging it in a tree to display as a trophy.
The inappropriate touching is another thing entirely.
Common advice is that unless there is a major dealbreaker from the first date, you should go on a second date. That being said, I would consider groping a major dealbreaker.
Groping? Word. That is a red line, right there.
I have spent 69+ years making Terrible choices, just horrible, and even I would run like hell from this a-hole! Coping a feel during a hug on first meeting is egotistical to the Max, and his comments reinforce that!
No it is not an overreaction. It is a "pick-up-line" line. Backhanded compliments to get you to question yourself.
Probably good to move on from that. I mean your picture is so..... well who knows? I can’t speak from a ladies side of the discussion, but from my standpoint I have an honest current picture of myself. It is clearly good enough to ward off women and responses to PM's.?
Congrats on your milestone, @Citronella! I'm thinking if he had done anything positive, you would have added that so, no. Your instincts are strong. He was a dry run, a rehearsal, just a little dating practice, and a jerk as well. So, out he goes and on with the real thing!
Also, I wouldn't give much credence to his opinion of your photo, what with his passive-aggressive, dominating insults, so don't worry about it.