I've screwed up again. I started chatting with a guy on a dating site and he seemed nice. Not creepy,said things that I thought were him trying to be funny. After talking to him for a couple days,I've realised he's just not the sharpest tool in the shed. He repeats the same empty phrases over and over doesn't have any serious interests and to be frank bores the shit out of me. I'm going to have to disconnect and its going to suck because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. He seems genuinely respectful and nice. Why is dating so fricking hard? Aaaaaagh. Nice guys don't have anything to talk about and the fun ones all seem to turn out to be dudes trying to cheat on their spouses.
I feel your pain! I'm not going to tell you to hang in there. Just keep your sense of humor!
I have a local admirer that I can't shake even by being totally blunt. When I run into him he insists I go to dinner with him and told me "Your not THAT bad looking and you're sure a HARD worker!"
Dude you're slaying me. LMBO.
Nah, that's not a screw up, and I should know, I am the expert.
You have gotten to know him, you now know more than you did and you now know he is not for you.
You can't help his hurt feelings, that indicates you also know he is immature. Just be honest, don't draw it out.
Hey, c'mon… I'm not that boring. Sheesh! (Kidding, kidding… I'm totally that boring.)
Are you sure he's dim and dull? Or is he perhaps nervous and hasn't really opened up yet? I've known a few people like that who were actually quite engaging once you got them to loosen up a little, but they seemed to be a little stupid and uninteresting until they felt that level of comfort.
Blindbird, no need to chat so long online. Be firm in screening guys about marital status. That's a non-negotiable. And, nice guys have been hurt, too. They need encouragement, not judgement. Two dimentionally, we all look great or suck. It's in the meeting that you find whether the idiosyncracies are non-negotiables or a pass.
And, don't be so hard on yourself...or him. Dating isn't for the faint of heart but I don't think it's what we all make it out to be either. if you're dating with expectations, can you drop those? Dating at its best is about finding a needle in a haystack and that can be exhausting OR you can see it as sharpening your skills, finding out about yourself, interacting with others in a fun, lite OR meaningful way if you let it, one or another needs it.
My one non-negotiable is prejudice: antisemitism and other forms of hate. Otherwise I'm just enjoying being immersed in humanity. Maybe I thrive on variety. And maybe I wouldn't recognize my next partner if they were sitting in front of me because by now I'm enjoying the journey, My journey.
You have a lot to offer the right person. But, along the way, you have a lot to offer the frogs, too.
You didn't screw up. Dating in general is a learning process, and you learned that are not compatible with this man.I dated a guy before I met my husband that I met online. When we were online talking he was engaging and intelligent, but when we met face to face he wouldn't say more than two words to me. At first I thought that he didn't like me once he had met me in person, but when we conversed online again he told me how pretty and intelligent I was, and how much he enjoyed my company. I went out with him a couple more times with the same results and then finally invited him to my dorm room for takeout and a movie. I thought that maybe if we were alone he might open up more, but he sat across the room from me, and again didn't talk. I just couldn't do it anymore, and I very carefully told him that it just wasn't going to work. It's never easy feeling as if you are hurting someone else, but if it were me I would rather be told that things weren't working out than not knowing the truth of how the other person felt.
Maybe either just hide your profile or simply block him... I had a worse experience talking to a guy up until last month for quite a while.
I started to get a 'something is off-center feeling- here', as he was not available for about the same hours, early evening each night. Asked him and he said he worked at home and shut his phone off then because he needed quiet to focus on gemstone cutting.... Oooo---kkkkk... Seemed feasible.
Then we decided to meet in person; I was actually going to FLY there to Cheyenne to meet him.
NEXT: He wants to know IF I have a bank account. I say, of course. Then he wants to know which bank. I tell him stupidly thinking he wants to wire me $ for a ticket but I totally refuse to let this happen, as I am not for sale... and don't want to put myself in appearing same, in any, way, or form.
So we agree he cannot do this as of course I would not give him more into, even IF... he doesn't NEED my bank numbers...
THEN-- he asks me IF I could OPEN ANOTHER account. Says he, dealing in diamonds has a one-time motherload of "Pink Diamonds" plus he is a setter, hmm... I SAY YOU HAVE the WRONG WOMAN. I keep my own finances straight.
Like I am going to--> L A U N D E R??? money for ANYONE. I cut it off ASAP and also reported him to the site. They said they are looking into it-- MAYBE...
Some women really fall for this kind of crap. OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT FOR HIM TO DO TRANSACTIONS, SURE YOU ARE RIGHT if I am completely STOOOOO PPPPP DDDDD. NOT!
For my time, I am staying mostly on here. I pop in on two other sites, which now I am inviting more men to join Agnostics who would FIT here. As I have typed before, the more the better for all, we need choices ~
Don't sweat your conscience, sweetheart-- he will live through it... IF he is true non-believer perhaps send him here? Well, maybe not =;?))
Girl, you're golden! Dating is about getting to know someone and if you feel you know enough about him, then that's it. We are all responsible for our own feelings and no one you or him are at fault. It just isn't meant to be. Be honest and end it. Then move on. It may sound ruthless but it is how this dating thing works anymore. I heard this somewhere - No means, Next Opportunity. As corny as it may sound, try to look at the bright side. One more obstacle cleared from the path leading you to Mr Right. LOL Ok, I'll stop with the corniness.
Why do I want to apologize for this dude? Given a chance he might try and save your soul, at 4% interest rate.
There is nothing wrong with not tripping over your undies around your ankles and falling for the dude. You're a bright young woman, and he isn't the last guy in the world. Maybe it's online dating that's the problem. Just be happy you didn't go out with him and end up installing a dishwasher like I did on my last date.
He isn't trying to get a green card or money so,at least there's that.lucky for you he hasn't got a longer line of bullshit or you're to smart to fall for it for long.
You're a smart pretty young lady. Patience is really hard in affairs of the heart, don't get discouraged.
I have a totally awesome stamp collection which you should see. Also an extensive coin collection. And my Dylan bootleg back catalogue is amazing. We should drink some port and listen to it.
Have I bored you witless yet?
Ugh. Dating. Christ in a sidecar, there are few tortures devised in history to exceed the horror of dating.
I'm just sounding off here; I don't have any answers, but at least you quickly worked out he is as boring as batshit, right? That is a good thing.
Oh, I am single, agnostic and I like to cook. Just for your information
I liked your post, for myself think trying to date on line would be really hard and I would be so unsure about it. I thinik this site has a good thing going with all the different things that everyone post. at least it works for me, some people I could party with. some maybe not. but all and all a damm good group of people.
Finding a perfect connection is practically impossible. No matter who you find, you will find certain aspects of their personality that irritate you. It's a sad fact of life. It's not your fault if you aren't attracted to the guy. Let him know how you feel, and if he freaks out, then you know you actually dodged a bullet. If he accepts how you feel, then you know that he's at least good friendship material. You just need to keep looking until you find someone that is more compatible. (...And please don't lump in all nice guys in with this bad experience. There are nice guys that can interest you on an intellectual level.)
You didn't screw up again. You gave it another shot. Chalk it up and just tell him. You got to know him and there's not enough substance to try to build something. Normal people don't enjoy hurting others, but if you stick around his expectations are only going to have further to fall. And yep, dating IS hard and maybe it won't happen again for folks like us. But if you aren't open to the possibility, it's probably even less likely. My only real advice is to not making finding someone the main focus. Just live your life and be open if the opportunity presents itself. And good luck ☺
You have not screwed up it is just that this guy is not for you and I do agree that it is hard to find somebody that you are going to click with on a dating site and that is why they are on a dating site,As for hurting his feelings do not feel bad about it he is on a dating site for a reason and maybe he bores the shit out of everybody he meets so he will not be surprised if you disconnect from him.There are plenty of nice guys in this world but most of them are taken because they are nice you will just have to persevere until the right one comes along.Some women also expect perfection and we all know that everybody has faults so maybe you need to lower your expectations and try and try again until you find someone who really is a nice guy and not all guys are out to cheat on their spouses.
@Blindbird The attractive part of website dating is that you would never ever get to 'meet' as many people in real life as you can online. The disadvantage of course is that with the greater number of people you can interact with online comes increased odds that your ideal 'target' personality may show up occasionally with warts and instability. Until I'm hooked up tight with a future partner, I'll still dabble in the online scene...because you just don't know when or where that knockout punch will come from that lands to the heart. I'm hoping at this stage I've learned enough to know when to pull the plug, just like you did.