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I've screwed up again. I started chatting with a guy on a dating site and he seemed nice. Not creepy,said things that I thought were him trying to be funny. After talking to him for a couple days,I've realised he's just not the sharpest tool in the shed. He repeats the same empty phrases over and over doesn't have any serious interests and to be frank bores the shit out of me. I'm going to have to disconnect and its going to suck because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. He seems genuinely respectful and nice. Why is dating so fricking hard? Aaaaaagh. Nice guys don't have anything to talk about and the fun ones all seem to turn out to be dudes trying to cheat on their spouses. 😟

OpposingOpposum 9 Apr 15

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Update: I called and told him how I felt about the situation. He said he had thought we had a real connection. You never know how it looks from the other side unless you ask, I guess.

You have to consider one actual fact of life: males are not just males; we are β€œthe ever-hopeful male”. Sounds funny, but think about it; it is serious and to be thought about in any relationship, specially at the onset.


It's not your fault, it sucks.


This! lol


Eventually you are going to hurt his feelings. Would you rather it be a little now or a lot later?



I feel ya. Just let him down gently and move on. There's an interesting loyal one out there waiting for you ❀❀


I feel your pain! I'm not going to tell you to hang in there. Just keep your sense of humor!
I have a local admirer that I can't shake even by being totally blunt. When I run into him he insists I go to dinner with him and told me "Your not THAT bad looking and you're sure a HARD worker!"
Dude you're slaying me. LMBO.

What a charmer that one is!

Sounds like a real winner.

Oh wow. With compliments like that who could resist?

@Blindbird I'm telling ya! It's a small town so running into people is inevitable. Last time I saw him he let me know that it's I didn't want a boyfriend I could still use him for sex. How do you respond? Gee thanks?

@EB80 hard to resist but I'm holding my own!

@kmdskit3 He's dead sincere. I try not to bust out laughing, but it's difficult.

@Archer I'd be reaching the "Not if you were the last person on the planet" stage myself? That's awful.

@RavenCT I know right? I never lose it but I finally did. He said "But my kids all like you". ( I'm a substitute teacher). I screamed "I LIKE THEM TOO BUT IVE TOLD YOU I DONT WANT A MAN, I DON'T NEED A MAN AND IM NOT GOING OUT TO FUCKING DINNER WITH YOU!

Okay. How about lunch?

@Stevil Laughing hysterically. Can't breathe.

This guy is an emotional incompetent. Yech!

@kmdskit3 Yep. They find me!


Nah, that's not a screw up, and I should know, I am the expert.
You have gotten to know him, you now know more than you did and you now know he is not for you.
You can't help his hurt feelings, that indicates you also know he is immature. Just be honest, don't draw it out.

I agree!


Hey, c'mon… I'm not that boring. Sheesh! ? (Kidding, kidding… I'm totally that boring.)

Are you sure he's dim and dull? Or is he perhaps nervous and hasn't really opened up yet? I've known a few people like that who were actually quite engaging once you got them to loosen up a little, but they seemed to be a little stupid and uninteresting until they felt that level of comfort.

Eh. I'm pretty convinced. I can be annoyingly verbose in phone convos. Go on and on and on but I can't maintain interest in this dude for ten minutes on the phone.


I wouldn't call it screwing up...I'd call it 'typical online dating'. Fun fact dating is literally just learning about a person until you either realize you don't like them, or marry them

Fair enough.

Oh crap...I've been doing it wrong...haha....I like them and have never been fail!

Or in some cases, you like them so much and then they leave you, but you still love them until you find someone else to love, but they'll always be part of your heart


Blindbird, no need to chat so long online. Be firm in screening guys about marital status. That's a non-negotiable. And, nice guys have been hurt, too. They need encouragement, not judgement. Two dimentionally, we all look great or suck. It's in the meeting that you find whether the idiosyncracies are non-negotiables or a pass.

And, don't be so hard on yourself...or him. Dating isn't for the faint of heart but I don't think it's what we all make it out to be either. if you're dating with expectations, can you drop those? Dating at its best is about finding a needle in a haystack and that can be exhausting OR you can see it as sharpening your skills, finding out about yourself, interacting with others in a fun, lite OR meaningful way if you let it, one or another needs it.

My one non-negotiable is prejudice: antisemitism and other forms of hate. Otherwise I'm just enjoying being immersed in humanity. Maybe I thrive on variety. And maybe I wouldn't recognize my next partner if they were sitting in front of me because by now I'm enjoying the journey, My journey.

You have a lot to offer the right person. But, along the way, you have a lot to offer the frogs, too. πŸ˜‰

I keep a copy of my divorce papers in a bag in the car, because I meet too many women who've been burned by that before, especially since I make no secret that I'm still close to my ex... and her fiance.

@NFAguy53 Honestly, while creepy (and I keep other stuff in my bag besides the papers), it wouldn't be that bad an idea. I wish there was more trust out there, but a few bad apples, as they say. But, maybe a photocopy.

@soylentred I have not tried speed dating. I have a sister who talks a New York minute...she could handle speed dating lol. me...not so much. If you try it...I hope you'll post.

Soylent??? My son's fiance's brother bakes soylent...cake, bars. They're actually not bad. πŸ˜‰


You didn't screw up. Dating in general is a learning process, and you learned that are not compatible with this man.I dated a guy before I met my husband that I met online. When we were online talking he was engaging and intelligent, but when we met face to face he wouldn't say more than two words to me. At first I thought that he didn't like me once he had met me in person, but when we conversed online again he told me how pretty and intelligent I was, and how much he enjoyed my company. I went out with him a couple more times with the same results and then finally invited him to my dorm room for takeout and a movie. I thought that maybe if we were alone he might open up more, but he sat across the room from me, and again didn't talk. I just couldn't do it anymore, and I very carefully told him that it just wasn't going to work. It's never easy feeling as if you are hurting someone else, but if it were me I would rather be told that things weren't working out than not knowing the truth of how the other person felt.

Some guys don't have a clue how to be romantic. They missed that part of growing up. To shy.


Girl, you're golden! Dating is about getting to know someone and if you feel you know enough about him, then that's it. We are all responsible for our own feelings and no one you or him are at fault. It just isn't meant to be. Be honest and end it. Then move on. It may sound ruthless but it is how this dating thing works anymore. I heard this somewhere - No means, Next Opportunity. As corny as it may sound, try to look at the bright side. One more obstacle cleared from the path leading you to Mr Right. LOL Ok, I'll stop with the corniness. ❀

@JustKip, LOL

@JustKip, why, are you just the man to give them to me? πŸ™‚

@JustKip LOL, it's all good. πŸ™‚

@JustKip I like that.


Sorry blindbird...good hunting.



? I don’t have to worry about that. I send PMs out then I see they come to my profile but I never get responses. I guess it’s like saying "Piss off" only nicer.......


Yeah it's hard I know. The most difficult part is not making a decision from that place of lonelines and unhealthy need. Peace.

True. Happily I think I'm over that stage. It sucks to have to hurt peoples feelings though.

@Blindbird If you're a human being with empathy it's unavoidable. Being bothered by hurting others' feelings is usually a GOOD personality trait. πŸ™‚


Maybe a casual question like,"Do you slide toward the slingblade? Or shmoooze over to a herb tarlek?"

Lol. If he had a decent comeback for those I wouldn't be bored.


I have a totally awesome stamp collection which you should see. Also an extensive coin collection. And my Dylan bootleg back catalogue is amazing. We should drink some port and listen to it.

Have I bored you witless yet?

Ugh. Dating. Christ in a sidecar, there are few tortures devised in history to exceed the horror of dating.

I'm just sounding off here; I don't have any answers, but at least you quickly worked out he is as boring as batshit, right? That is a good thing.

Oh, I am single, agnostic and I like to cook. Just for your information πŸ™‚

Haha. Not at all. People who are passionate about things are awesome. You sound pretty darn cool but Australia is a pretty hefty jaunt. I just can't deal with someone who can't even tell me the last book he read 😟

@Blindbird Copy that. I signed up to this site with the knowledge I am at the ass end of the world. But at least I knew what was getting into.

My last amazing read? Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden. Some deep stuff in there.

@Palindromeman thanks! Adding it to my list πŸ™‚

LOL. Cribbage anyone?

@WizardBill. Dude audiobooks count. You're learning/interested in/ curious about something at least!

@Archer Grew up playing cribbage! πŸ˜‰

@WizardBill You know audio books still count? You still get the content.

I'd never penalize someone for how they got the contents of a book! πŸ˜‰

@Blindbird David Sedaris reading his own work. Hilarious.

@Palindromeman nice!


I liked your post, for myself think trying to date on line would be really hard and I would be so unsure about it. I thinik this site has a good thing going with all the different things that everyone post. at least it works for me, some people I could party with. some maybe not. but all and all a damm good group of people.

I really like the people on here (most of em) but no one I'm interested in is close by 😟

@blindbird That's sad

@Blindbird Ain't that how it seems to go? Give it time!

@Blindbird I don't know if you are a "Greeter" but there are more of us every single day.

Hang in there.

@Blindbird "no one I'm interested in is close by", well that rules me out, I'm gonna suck on an

@buzz13 lol sorry man.


Too bad all the good guys are really old... lol


Finding a perfect connection is practically impossible. No matter who you find, you will find certain aspects of their personality that irritate you. It's a sad fact of life. It's not your fault if you aren't attracted to the guy. Let him know how you feel, and if he freaks out, then you know you actually dodged a bullet. If he accepts how you feel, then you know that he's at least good friendship material. You just need to keep looking until you find someone that is more compatible. (...And please don't lump in all nice guys in with this bad experience. There are nice guys that can interest you on an intellectual level.)

Nicely said!


You have not screwed up it is just that this guy is not for you and I do agree that it is hard to find somebody that you are going to click with on a dating site and that is why they are on a dating site,As for hurting his feelings do not feel bad about it he is on a dating site for a reason and maybe he bores the shit out of everybody he meets so he will not be surprised if you disconnect from him.There are plenty of nice guys in this world but most of them are taken because they are nice you will just have to persevere until the right one comes along.Some women also expect perfection and we all know that everybody has faults so maybe you need to lower your expectations and try and try again until you find someone who really is a nice guy and not all guys are out to cheat on their spouses.


@Blindbird The attractive part of website dating is that you would never ever get to 'meet' as many people in real life as you can online. The disadvantage of course is that with the greater number of people you can interact with online comes increased odds that your ideal 'target' personality may show up occasionally with warts and instability. Until I'm hooked up tight with a future partner, I'll still dabble in the online scene...because you just don't know when or where that knockout punch will come from that lands to the heart. I'm hoping at this stage I've learned enough to know when to pull the plug, just like you did.


Good luck.


It's a numbers game, just like IRL.


Your not wrong, I found it no different from the male perspective... either they want to get Uber serious out of the gate or they are looking for a preconceived perfection that nobody could fit. I’m in the no expectations zone... I’m not here to date, actually I’ve started seeing someone and we will see how it goes... she isn’t the normal hipppie type I usually am attracted to but then in the long run that has not gone that well. I don’t cheat but have been cheated on and I’m weary and wary of it all... going with the flow and doing my best not to be attached to a particular outcome is how I plan to move forward. I’ve finally learned my happiness is my responsibility, if someone else who is already happy wants to be happy together that will be grand. I have nothing in common with the girl I’m seeing and so far that has not been a problem.


Tell him you have to sign off because your water broke.



The "Eternal" struggle, lol ??

Coldo Level 8 Apr 16, 2018
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