Did anyone else come out of the "Beat the Hell out of your children" religious experience where you would get a beating for any and everything. The belief was that if you didn't whip your child then you didn't love them.
My grandmother and mother subscribed to this. I was told my grandmother would beat til it drew blood and then laugh about it. She was high up and the church and My mom wasn't as bad but still believed in beating you usually with the first thing she saw.
I'm southern and realize this is probrably more of a southern thing. Funny thing is i don't whip my child and really havent had any issues. I think the fact that you are using violence to correct something only brings violence and more bad behavior.
Spare the rod and spoil the child. I came out of all that myself. I must admit that I have witnessed a lot of spanking where the parent should have the crap knocked out of them. Totally ignorant and abusive people doing nothing but abusing children. On the other hand, I see kids running wild today in ways that are unacceptable. Dumb parents just do not know what to do with them.
Interesting how the "Christians" adopted that line from the 17th century poem by Samuel Butler titled Hudibras, "spare the rod and spoil the child". "Christians" may think that hitting children, (regardless of what they call it hitting is hitting) will instill the will of or the fear of God in them. But in my experience that is not what happens. If temperament is taken into account hitting brings a variety of responses ranging from defiance thru sneakiness to submission based in fear. And if those are the behaviors that "Christians" want - well.........
Up till age 10 it was just me and mom...if I screwed up I got paddled...never more than 5 smacks with the "Bolo Paddle"......anyone remember THOSE little plywood GEMS??? ...and to be honest I only remember getting it twice and both times I pretty much deserved it (3 hours late coming home from school.because my ADHD ASS got sidetracked...) after the second time I didn't due THAT again...At 10 she remarried..."He" was a whole different can of really nasty worms...SHE changed...both were extremely.physically and emotionally abusive...sadistic(try getting a LEATHER BARBER STRAP .... SLICED INTO A CAT 'O' NINE TAILS...laid across your bare thighs and back)...2x4 carved into a paddle...curtain rods...whatever was available...mom actually got to the point where she would take sucker punches at my face...put my tooth through my lip once...her FUCKING husband had to be pulled away from me when I was 12...he had me by the throat and was choking me...his brother lived next door and ran over and pulled him off me and said "he's not worth it"...all because the POS UNPOWERED PUSH MOWER WOULDN'T CUT THE SHITTY GRASS WE HAD...HE is dead and if I knew where he was buried I would piss on his grave...she died sometime last year and I know I still Harbor ill feelings...and it sucks...families suck sometimes. Oh...and we were Catholic...go figure...
My brother was by my dad, but five years later when I came along, it didn't happen. Family members were not comfortable with my brothers beatings. I'm unsure if that is why I didn't get it or not. But it's also when my mom returned to work and he went to work at night. So about 6 years of age it pretty much stopped for my brother. But that's also when the neglect began. I pretty much raised my own damn self. Dad worked nights, I got home around 3, mom and my brother didn't get home until 6-7 and I had to have dinner ready for them.
But we both were scared shitless of dad.
Have fear, Friend, you are NOT alone in this, trust me.
My 'mother,' if one can even call her that VERY, very loosely btw, was a cruel and inhuman Bitch who would literally flog me at every opportunity with the first thing that came to hand and whether I deserved it or NOT.
USUALLY it was so she could avoid chastising her beloved daughters.
I.e. I WAS the Whipping boy.
Didn't do much good since ALL 3 out of her 4 daughters ended up in "Shotgun Wedding" situations and the 4th. was born sterile as was diagnosed when she reached puberty.
My Dad, on the other hand, NEVER raised his hand to any of us, his method was to give a look that would scare the shit out of you, beckon with his finger and say, quietly and sternly " You know what you have done is wrong, NOW make amends for it."
While " Queen Bitch", as I refer to her, was what I call a Christian of Convenience, my Dad was an out and out Atheist, I learned far, far more from him than I did from "Queen Bitch" about being a parent, a good and decent person, etc, etc.
Yes, and I agree with you re bad outcomes. Not just a Southern thing, however. Equal opportunity abuse. I don't blame religion for the motivation to beat, however. I just see religion as a convenient stamp of cosmic authority claim to excuse it.
My mom was a spare the rod, spoil the child. If my mom told me to go play I did it right away.
Damn I remember that!! I remember hearing that on one of the Little Rascals episodes. If I remember correctly it was Mister Hood.
Compassion and communication are the best teachers. Many people do not have the resources within themselves to deal with bad behavior, and rather than compassion, they stay in a "passionate state of mind" which is transmuted into ruthlessness. Any infraction is dealt with in anger or emotion rather than understanding and a willingness to teach.
“Compassion is probably the only antitoxin of the soul. Where there is compassion even the most poisonous impulses are relatively harmless. One would rather see the world run by men who set their hearts on toys but are accessible to pity, than by men animated by lofty ideals whose dedication makes them ruthless. In the chemistry of man’s soul, almost all noble attributes - courage, honor, hope, faith, duty, loyalty, etc. - can be transmuted into ruthlessness. Compassion alone stands apart from the continuous traffic between good and evil proceeding within us." - Eric Hoffer
When I was a child and I misbehaved, my old man would give me a "lickin" until my folks got divorced and my mother raised us by herself. After that, when we misbehaved, my mother would "discipline" us. Either way, it meant a spanking.
So just call it a spanking.
I was raised without any religious structure, then some of the family expressed surprise that, as an adult, I had no religious leanings.
My parents were decidedly not religious, but my sister and I got the hell beat out of us daily. It was more to do with being poor, and both parents struggled with alcohol.
@Lucas1979 I’m glad you and your mom made it out of a horrible situation. That stuff stays inside us so it’s important to get help to learn not to take our pain out on others. It took me 10 years of therapy to get to a place of peace within myself.
I think that kind of abuse was everywhere...certainly it was in my house! I lived alone with my mother and she was so mean and frustrated! I finally had to accept that she took it out on me due to her own ''demons.''
You're right when you say "violence...only brings violence and more bad behavior." It also teaches us to hate.
@Lucas1979 For me, not so much hating strangers...but hating the person who abuses you is more common.
Wasn’t just down south that’s for sure. But that was life I remember growing up in the 70s and 80s. Parents then were allowed to be more physical, up to a point of course. Same with Catholic School. You didn’t behave and you got it on the rear with the pointer or the ruler, I recall one nun having a big paddle.
I know cases of children that not have been beating and do correct other children's behaviour. I guess it depends of the child too.