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Why does it seem that some people go out of their way to be unpleasant? I've often upset a someone by being a little thoughtless or insensitive, I'm a long way from perfect and it's upset me to think I've hurt or upset someone, being cruel, unpleasant or rude has never been my motivation. I don't understand anyone who's like that all the time?

Josephine 7 Apr 16

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I know this old Pennsylvania Dutch guy meaner than a junkyard dog. Has one of the biggest hearts when it comes to helping people out.


Some people, unfortunately, are just irredeemable assholes.

Jnei Level 8 Apr 16, 2018

some are angry because they have sought to find happiness outside of themselves and, of course, that did not turn out well. They want to blame the world for their misery and they only feel a sense of satisfaction when they can bring others down to their level. don't take it personally. the negative comments are a reflection of themselves, nothing to do with you,


They weren't breast fed?



I don’t get it either. I figure it doesn’t cost me anything to be a nice and pleasant person. It’s got to be draining always being unhappy and making others unhappy as well

Bingo @Marcie1974! An old college professor of mine had that very saying “it doesn’t take much effort to be nice. “.


A lack of self esteem is often at the core, thus they over-compensate, pretending that ‘the best defence is a good offence.’ Having both volunteered and worked within schools, there’s a special kind of insight when parents can be observed with their kids … the apple rarely falls far..

Seems it can be a preemptive failure mode; ‘Everyone eventually considers me an asshole,’ ‘so why not drop all pretence and just be that a-hole’...? It also appears to be a way of backing others away from a fragile

There are several personality disorders that include or exhibit mean and uncaring behavior.. BPD is one I’m familiar with, which includes impulsive angry outbursts; in women, they really stand out; in men, it’s more often accepted as ‘typical male behavior.’ We’ve a very mean and uncaring malevolent narcissist in the White House at the moment … exhibiting further ‘cluster B’ behavioral traits. Some ask, ‘why’s he such an asshole?’ - it’s a condition of his mental illness…

And, if they’re a guy ..apparently some women are drawn to the ‘tuff, strong, all-knowing belligerent hardguy’… the guy’s pegged as her ‘defender,’ so must permanently assume this aggressive posture.. She feels safe, he feels needed - and we can’t get far enough fast enough 😉

Not sure how many guesses that is … but those are mine 🙂

Varn Level 8 Apr 16, 2018

I have run into maybe a half dozen Borderlines, if not more. I can't diagnose, but they sure as hell show the traits. I don't walk, I RUN to get away from borderlines. They are good actors, good liars and often have lots of sycophants and toadies willing to do their bidding.

@SKH78 My encounter was the longest trip in the shortest time I’ve ever taken… What a ride.. The experience was with ‘an invisible borderline,’ meaning, highly intelligent and capable of hiding it from everyone - but you. The women now jump out at me, if not literally … it’s the men, supposedly afflicted in equal numbers, that elude me.. It took a toll, as I feel I’m still recovering ~

@SKH78 That's not true. A lot of borderlines are too full of self-loathing to do any of that. You might be thinking of narcissists.

An incredible read and easily understood ty for this clarification.


I clicked in this topic thinking a was going to read a lot of trolling comments. I'm not sure what it says about me but I'm a little disappointed. All you nice people carry on. ??

JeffB Level 6 Apr 16, 2018

Everyone secretly wants to watch a train wreck

@Rudy1962 The problem’s when you’re compelled to climb aboard 😕

@Varn ha. Good point


Agreed. I always wonder what about their life is so bad that they have to be mean to others seemingly for the sake of being mean. I've had people tell me I'm too nice and I think the world could use a little more of that. Doesn't seem like a bad thing to me.


Some people are naturally insufferable pricks looking for an excuse to be that way. They should be grateful if you've inadvertently obliged them.

JimG Level 8 Apr 16, 2018

When I was attending community college, I had a teacher that was very wise and always engaged the students in a proactive manner. She had a saying that made a lot of sense: hurt people hurt people.

I think that is true. Many of the bullies who have abused me - some of them, I know for a fact grew up in sick families. Others I strongly suspect grew up in toxic environments. Kinda sad that they don't do the necessary work to get healthy.


I’ll forgive everyone except Trump!


The ones who are deliberately thoughtless and insensitive are just plain jerks.
If they're intentionally trying to hurt someone's feelings, they are basically assholes.
However, there are plenty of times when people can be that way without meaning to.
It happens. I also think there are far too many people who are overly-sensitive,
and thin-skinned, who can't handle people who are a little more coarse, or rough
around the edges. A lot of people need to toughen up and be less sensitive.
Not everything is meant to offend people's delicate sensibilities.
And I'm probably going to catch hell for this comment.

I’ve sometimes wondered if it isn’t a test..? Like, if you’ll put up with me being an asshole, I’ll be less of an asshole, to you.. Don’t know if that’s a test you’d want to pass, though 🙂

Nope. Not from me. I have very little tolerance for idiocy and I often think that if we called people out on their thoughtless behaviour ,we'd all be better off.

@Varn I think a lot of "assholes" are misunderstood, and not really assholes at all.
I think a lot of people are just overly-sensitive and can't take people being direct, and cutting through the bullshit to get straight to the point.

@KKGator I’ve met the frustrated type, expecting to be looked down upon, thus in a defensive posture.. Lots of that here in ‘the South.’ So many complexities as to why 😟

@Varn Indeed. I run across them all the time. Granted, it's usually with a shopping cart in Publix, but I run across them nonetheless. 😉


I have to echo what Duchessa says: some people are miserable. Sadly, some of them want other people to be miserable, too.

I think it is a form of negative power. When someone is rude or abusive, they get a certain sense of satisfaction in knowing that they manipulated the emotions of another person. When we compliment someone, it makes us feel as good as the person who received the compliment; I s'pose that we are "manipulating" them in a sense as we want them to feel good, but there is nothing wrong with that.

I have seen the "evil" gleam in people's eyes when they hurt someone's feelings. They enjoy causing the pain.

People seek power in various ways. The old biddy (who is about my age, but still old) who sits in McD's and gossips to her cronies about how inappropriately I dress (too young for my age) gets a sense of righteous power because her friends agree with her. She would never say it to my face, though, because she knows that I would retort and that would strip her of the power.

I have responded to rude people in various ways, and not usually by being rude back. It takes the wind out of their sails because they do not get the response that they wanted.

And sometimes, people are not aware that they are being rude. I have been accused of being rude because I speak forcefully (years of teaching). Other times, people are just in bad moods or, maybe, their dog just died.

We can understand that, but as you say, not why someone would be like that all the time.

Their worst "punishment" is that they live their lives.


And here I am trying my darndest to be nice.

I bite my tongue a lot, but never from one of your posts.

Some people are just cantankerous.



It's literally in thier "wiring" or makeup if it's that consitent usually. Very complex subject and varying reasons.. If people are constantly that way it's likely neurology rather than chemistry though. Though not always 100% .. 🙂


So self absorbed they don't see or care about the feelings of others


Because some people are miserable....

I agree. Happy people want others to be happy. Miserable people enjoy spreading their misery. The old saying "Misery loves company." It must be awful to live inside the mind of a bully. I kind of doubt if they respect themselves - why else would they try so hard to make enemies?

@SKH78 I believe they are people whose anger was " placed inside their head" at a very early age by circumstances they couldn't control and...while growing up...didn't find a positive way tho channel out said anger. They are not happy people.


Mean people are very unhappy, but instead of dealing with it they take it out on others. It's like taking someone else down is the only way they can feel better about themselves. Sad.


It takes work, self-knowledge, and will power, but it is up to the individual to overcome a natural proclivity to be this way. Not wanting to be thoughtless is the first step; fixing yourself takes time. I wish I could say that I've had 100% success, but I haven't.


Well, some people are just having bad days, and like you, they unintentionally make a fuss. Others have been hurting for a long time, and the only way they know to release the pain they feel is to make others upset. This won't help them in the long run, but they don't realize that. Occasionally, there is a person who actually means to upset people and doesn't care. Those people decide to be cruel because they don't actually feel much in terms of empathy and other people's feelings are just toys to them. They likely have a problem with their brain chemistry. In severe cases, people like that can be sociopaths.


That's the only way a lot of folks know how to roll. Wish it was different.


I have definitely experienced those people ... I think sometimes a person may be having personal issues which make them not as pleasant as they would be normally, however, I also think that some people are just assholes and they enjoy it...


Neither do I.


Perhaps they're angry people?


I have two poeple in my life who have a mystery bug up their ass about me for some reaason yet to be explained or understood by anyone. I don't really care. I don't cry myself to sleep over nasty, hateful, horrible people.


Online, mean people are usually looking for a reaction.
But I'm even meaner.
I block them.

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