It is very difficult, especially if there are children to bring up.

It depends on the breed of theist. If they insist on making it central to their life and pushing it on you, I'd say that's a huge red flag. If they take the attitude that you have your beliefs and they have theirs and you agree on everything else pertinent to the relationship (like how to raise kids, church/state separation), then it can work. I've seen it work, there just has to be an understanding of boundaries.

It is not impossible. I personally would not because I cannot stand living with god-believers (excluding deists) under the same roof let alone in a relationship (mainly because they're always trying to convert me with same repetitive/ unconvincing nonsense), but I'm not you . You go do you.

A tale of caution.
I knew my wife for 12 years before we got married, the reasons for getting married were not the best to begin with but i digress. She is mexican and so most obviously she has a Catholic background. But she was not at all religious in the 12 years. Once we got married though the hints of religoun started creeping in. And when we had a child religion bloomed in her and the need to raise the child with religion. And then she had a miscarage and then her father commited suicide and she turned to religion with gusto. Following the Preacher who was transfered to a different and much larger church, she got involved with one of the groups there who convinced her to go on a church retreat. They took away her phone and cloistered her away praying the whole time and volia, she had a god experience. Aparently god gave her a hug and held her hand and she could no longer be with me. She left and now spend most of her free time at church and has a shrine in her bedroom.

Not that would happen to you, but I never dreamed it woudl happen to me.

Thank you all for your views. This really gave me a lot to think about. We love each other and religion isn't our only problem or even our biggest. We can only make this work with work.

If you’ve been together for 9 years and you’re only engaged? Dang. I’ve had issues in the past with dating someone of a different ideology. It is possible as long as it’s consistent. It becoming more of a priority for the partner is a bit of a red flag for what the future holds depending if they start pressuring you to do it too. It’s really important to set your boundaries with it and have the potentially awkward discussion. Relationships only work with communication and openness.

It didn't work for me, but each couple is different.

If it were me I would simply ask myself 1 or 2 questions on a regular basis:

1. Is this the same person that I fell in love with?

and/or

2. Am I the same person that fell in love with that person?

Anyone can make a relationship with anyone else last for the long haul. What you're really asking is "how?"

Give & take coupled with mutual respect. If you don't have those going on in the relationship, it doesn't really matter where your differences lie.

I lived together with a wonderful lady for 12-years. We split not due to religion, but due to probably more to the complexities of 'Empty Nest Syndrome' after her daugher left home. She was brought-up Pentecostal, then had gravitated through other heavy religions and was a Catholic for our time together. I'd been raised Catholic in childhood, so I'd been there, done that. We just had an agreement that her religion was hers and I'd not interfere in any way nor try to influence her daughter. But that worked both ways... I wasn't expected to support her church activities. Same deal my non-religious dad had to sign-off on with the preist to marry my Catholic mom 40-years earlier. I never attended any church events and as her daughter entered her teens she resisted as well, but not by any influence from me. Ten years later, now the daughter is Agnostic. Her comment to me on a recent meeting in the grocery store: "How can there POSSIBLY be a god that cares... and lets the shit happen that's happening these days?" Oh, I'm sure there's a few bible verses that have that nicely covered, but it seems she's doing the thinking for herself now.

It depends on the people involved, and the level of mutual respect they have for each other. Talking about his faith more and more may be something to watch. That being said, as long as he's talking, and not preaching (or trying to force your views to change) then you can still be OK.

It may very well be a road that gets more difficult with time, life events, children, etc...

I'm sure it can work, but be aware that he is looking at a future in a way far different from you. This might not be an issue in the relationship, but be warned that it might.

I dated a Christian woman, and she told me one night that it bothered her greatly that I would be in Hell. Your fiancé might not be vocal about it, but I imagine he worries about your immortal soul as well. It depends on his flavor of Christianity. Is he part of the intolerant, everybody-burns mentality, or is he part of the more liberally minded God-would-not-punish-good-people mentality?

If he is part of the religion that believes that nonbelievers are going to Hell regardless of how good they were in life, then your fiancé has some inner demons he's struggling with. He might not even tell you, but I'm sure with the belief that you'll suffer for all eternity. After all, nobody wants to see their loved ones hurt.

Talk with him about this and find out how much it makes him uncomfortable. If you're lucky, he believes in a loving god that wouldn't punish you for needing more evidence. Or maybe he'll believe that God will reveal himself to you later in life, though I don't feel comfortable feeding those false hopes.

But he may also realize that it's all crap and come to your way of thinking. I've seen that happen too, so we can't discount anything.

You'll be our test case. We'll be watching...

I like to talk about everything with my significant other. We’d just be butting heads on the topic until one of our beliefs or the relationship would break. Some people can put the topic in the background and still enjoy each other.
I couldn’t manage that.

I think it all depends on how atheist you are. I'm an antitheist so for me it's no, it will never work if the person takes their God seriously. I find people who are into religion are by definition passive. Bad things happen? it's because God wanted it that way. Good things? they've been rewarded and it has nothing to do with their own hard efforts. Philosophically, I cannot mesh with someone who believes in a higher-power and who's carroted into doing good deeds in order to be recognized at the pearly gates. That's just me.

I think that this is somethign ech person dealing with it has to decide for themselves, as everyone has different capabilities an tolerances.

For me personally, I do nto thinkI could make it work over the long term.

Of course you could instead have amany short religionships instead of the idealized life logn relationship. Life ling realtinships are not for everyone, even if that is idealized as what people whoudl work for.

As someone who came from religious extended family and into an atheist one, I don't think you can. In all the cases I've seen, things are fine until you have children or an emergency comes up that hard decisions need to be made. Religious people make choices following whatever book or teaching has told them will make them or their loved ones better people. That means denying freedom of choice to the child just so their soul will not be damned. And depending on how literal a christian is, it may mean denying medical services, women's rights, etc.

I know it seems wierd, but I 'felt' differently once I was officially married, like I had more responsibility or was an adult now. Even though we had lived together for a year. I started to unconsciously be more what I imagined a wife should be, an adult should be. Think about your fiance's parents, and anyone he admires - that is who he will become when he needs to be 'an adult'. It doesn't happen all at once, but it does happen.

Does he have to become his parents? Do I? Depends on how much a person self-examines their motives and eliminates the beliefs and behaviours that s/he doesn't like. If s/he is young - it's unlikely - because this is another part of themselves they haven't fully explored and want to see where it goes. If s/he is middle aged - it's more likely - especially for the behaviours that push others or good experiences away. If s/he is senior citizen - less likely - most people at that point are comfortable with who they are or resigned to it. (though there are many 'middle aged' senior citizens until they die).

Only if you both respect each others beliefs, Stephen Hawking was an atheist married to a christian girl, so yeah it's possible, it depends of other facets of your personalities i'd say. Are you both able to accept that you are not gonna agree on everything?

Thats up to you ! My gf is very religious but we never talk shop, so to say. we enjoy sex and leave it at that.

NO