Fantastic advise, I went through the same, too.

Number 2 was part of the downfall of my marriage, and in talking to friends and family before my divorce, apparently number 4 should have kind of applied because when I told them about things that bothered me from the start (that I ignored or thought would change), they went on to tell me how they saw that too and it bothered them as well but they never said anything about it.

As too number 3. I agree (actually I agree with everything you said). I knew a man who felt that he was ready for marriage and that it was such an important life altering decision that he decided to approach it logically. He made a list of characteristics he valued and he prioritized the list. Then, as he dated, he compared the woman to his list. He eventually found a wonderful woman, married and had a family and it worked out beautifully the last I heard.

I thought this was an excellent idea so I made my list. I showed the list to my coworker. He somehow managed to make a copy of my list, pass it around the office and telling people I was conducting interviews on Friday. I was horrified, of course, but it was funny.

I still use this approach when I am considering a decision where my emotions want to take over. This has taught me to think more logically and that has been a very good thing. I make better decisions that work for the long term and that's what I'm almost always looking for.

Relationships should change us for the better. If they do not change us we stagnate. The important things in a relationship are to be giving and open, to be communicative, to be loyal, committed, honest, to grow together and to grow individually. If we want someone who is "us" (as in have all our attributes) well, that's a wee bit narcissistic. We all change and we change those around us. The important thing is to mindfully change both for the better. Relationships need to be tended to like gardens, otherwise, all the flowers die.

P.S. Your number 4 is worrisome. I'm wary of people who diss other people. Not good friends if they try to turn you against your romantic partner. It shouldn't be any of their business. They're little gremlins causing problems that may not even really be there. And your number 1 is rather strange, too. The concept of owning another human's quality or characteristic is a wee bit frightening to even imagine. And you have imagined it.

We've all made those mistakes in getting into unhealthy relationships because of sex or physical attraction. Hopefully we've learned from our errors and will think before we act on our desires.

Great advice buddy, thanks.