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SARCASM WARNING: It’s Not a Gun Problem—Americans Are Just Super Extra Evil, Crazy, and Stupid
A gun is an inanimate object. It can’t do anything on its own. Like any other tool, the person using it determines its use.

Therefore—obviously—our huge number of guns and loose/inconsistent gun laws are not to blame for America’s 33,000 firearm deaths per year. Guns aren’t the reason that Americans are ten times more likely to be killed by guns than citizens of other developed nations. Guns aren’t why our gun-related murder rate is 25 times higher and our gun suicide rate is eight times higher than 22 other high-income nations. [1]

I mean, a gun can’t shoot itself, so why blame guns for gun death statistics?

The fact that the U.S. accounts for 90 percent of all women, 91 percent of all children under 14, and 92 percent of people between ages 15 and 25 killed by guns among high-income nations[2] has absolutely nothing to do with guns. Many of those other countries have guns, too, but guns don’t kill people. People kill people.

The fact that we have enough guns in our country to arm every American citizen has no bearing on our gun violence rates. Neither does the fact that we have loose gun regulations in comparison to other developed nations. When gun violence occurs, it’s the person holding the gun that’s to blame, not the gun itself.

In fact, the more guns the better, because even though statistics say that more guns equals more gun violence,[3] we all know that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

It’s not a gun problem, it’s a heart problem, people. Evil doesn’t follow laws. Evil will always find a way.

Yes, evil—not guns—is to blame for America’s gun violence problem. Evil exists in other nations, too, of course. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that Americans must be more evil than people in other nations. And not just by a little bit. Our evil is so ubiquitous that no other developed nation has anywhere near our gun death rates. In fact, if you take away official armed conflict casualties (which seems fair, since we don’t have any official armed conflict happening on our soil), America’s gun death rate is also higher than Sudan, Iran, Syria, Turkey, Lebanon, the West Bank, Gaza, and Jordan. [4]

So. Much. Evil. In. America.

Clearly, our population is possessed by demons or something. Satan seems to have a heck of a foothold here in the U.S., eh?

Then again, maybe it’s not so much evil American spirits. Maybe it’s more about mental health than actual evil. Still definitely not about guns, though. Our easy access to weapons that have the capacity to kill two dozen people in not even as many seconds has absolutely nothing to do with mass shootings. Americans are just way, way, way more likely than people in other countries to have a screw loose. We have some kind of inherent tendency to go off the deep end and commit heinous acts of violence with semi-automatic firearms. I mean, it’s not our fault, it just must be the way Americans are hard-wired, since it’s obviously not about how our country approaches gun use.

Of course, not all gun deaths are due to people wishing harm upon others. A large percentage of gun deaths are suicides—clearly a mental health issue, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the immediacy and almost guaranteed success of using a firearm to commit suicide.

Some gun deaths are accidental, too. But the fact that our accidental gun death rate is also sky high compared to other developed nations doesn’t mean it’s a problem with guns or laws. Guns aren’t accidentally shooting people all by themselves, folks! That’s a brain problem, not a gun problem. Americans are obviously just dumber than people in other countries, woefully unable to figure out how to not accidentally shoot themselves or how to keep their guns out of the hands of toddlers.

See? It’s crystal clear that guns aren’t the issue. The United States having a gun for every man, woman and child and comparatively loose gun regulation has zero to do with how our gun violence rates compare with other developed nations. America just has far more evil, crazy, and stupid people than other countries do. It’s the only reasonable explanation.

Don’t let that fool you, though. We are still—somehow, don’t ask me how—the Greatest Country on Earth. So if you don’t like it here, you can always go move to one of those semi-socialist European countries where healthcare is universal, guns are highly regulated, and parents don’t have to remind their kids to pay attention during active shooter drills when they send them off to school.

I’ll be sitting proud here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., reminding my kids that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

Most of the time with guns.

But only every other week or so.

My thoughts and prayers are with the victims. Every time. Of course.[]

MyTVC15 7 Jan 24

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Guns should be made illegal in favor of large bombs that will do the job much better.


It may be sarcasm but it is accurate sarcasm. I had a former boss who was into guns and shooting so much that you could imagine him mentally putting faces on his targets. He shot guns often at a range and taught this to his family. It is a small step from this to our many shootings, especially school shootings. I do have thoughts going out to the victims but never a prayer. I no longer say prayers.


This is sarcasm people!

Sorry myTVC15, it seems the irony was lost on some of those who read it, and especially on those who did not read it properly.


Stop generalizing about Americans. The majority of Americans want to ban assault weapons and feel horrified by gun violence.

I never owned a gun and never will. In my profile I wrote, "I want a man who enjoys hiking and who only shoots with a camera."

I blame the National Rifle Association and Republicans who have blocked all attempts at gun control.

This is a sarcastic statement made by a gun reform activist.

I own 2 guns that are not registered and not traceable in any way. I never carry them with me and gave up practicing a long time ago.

@DenoPenno many Canadians feel/are the same as you. Paranoia about protecting “Our Rights” isn’t an issue AT ALL! Possibly most of rural Canadians…have hunting rifles…but never hunt.


Who do you pray too in your thoughts and prayers?

This is a sarcastic statement made by a gun reform activist.


Dumbest read I’ve had in a while.

I thought it was brilliant sarcasm.


And I thought Americans did not do irony.

I do, sarcasm and irony are second, and third, languages to me.

@TomMcGiverin Same here. I mean really this article had me at the title.


Not all of us, to be sure.

This is a sarcastic statement made by a gun reform activist.


A culture that fetishizes guns, violence, and violent retribution is certainly part of the problem.

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