Was married for 27 yeas, found out she was an alcoholic for about half. Instead of getting help and getting better, she got worse. I still love her, I still care, but it got to the point where I could not even trust her to drive to work without stopping for a drink. Our relationship was not good, or great, but she was my closest friend for so long. I am not hugely swayed by emotions, but I do find while out there I am enjoying things We would have enjoyed if she were not drinking. And that leaves me sad. She is the only woman I have ever anything with, so I am nervous about moving on. Faithful and Us was so much a part of my identity for so long, it’s hard to actively see the next step. But I can tell you what keeps me sane and grounded. She started smoking again after quitting for 25. We are amicable on Facebook, and can chat about anything not serious... food, games, TV, the grand kid. But she is making no effort to get help with her problemand has not worked in the last 7 months. So any signs I would care about to give me hope are not happening. I told myself I was astress eater, got too big. Separating during our divorce process cleared my head to take stock and learn about my real issue. So things are much better for me physically. Mon to a Thursday nights I am busy with martial arts and dance classes. I take the dogs for walks most days. But the weekend is still hard for me. The slow down time. At first I was driven to get a date, and I have had a few that went nowhere. Awkward sitting across the table from not her, especially the one red head I met for coffee. But after being lied to for so long... I can honestly say I am still hopeful of finding a relationship where my partner truly enjoys being with me. Because I don’t want to just go through the motions.

Most states require at least one reconciliation hour as proof of divorce necessity or continued marital counseling. ...insisting upon your rights to alimony on top of reconciliation might work if you make less money than she does. ...all this presumes neither of you have children

Sucks, but you have to remove yourself from the situation. It's the only way you'll get closure.

You are not alone. There are many wonderful people on this site with therapeutic advice.

YouTube “your mind on breakups” it at least helps explain the “why” scientifically. Still doesn’t help heal the heart but at least the mind will understand it’s roll in all this pain.

After my first divorce I just dove back in... Found other great relationships and eventually my wife of nearly twenty years. You know what they say....

If at first you don't succeed...

This is a bereavement, it hurts like hell. Worse in some ways because they are still alive. My ex remarried and I was trully devastated. You simply have no choice, hold on tight it won't be fun but you can find fun in your memories and in a new single life. You will eventually come to terms with this loss and you will move on. Be super super gentle with yourself, cry when you need, stay around friends, do nice things for yourself and keep your heart open. You will get through this and you will smile again. My love goes out to you...I genuinely mean that xxx

it's like you've got to elbow yourself and wake up the other part of you that slept when you fell in love with her. That guy won't be so lost. That guy will be looking forward to what's next. the pain doesn't disappear, but it does ease up....

There is lots of good advice here. Move on. Live. You can’t enjoy your present freedom if you’re stuck in a prison-like time capsule set in the past. Going over the same thoughts or emotions over and over again wasn’t sufficient to maintain your soon to be ex’s interest and will keep you from discovering all the other amazing things that are out there.

Well as A man who has been there, Done That, Has the hat, Tee Shirt, and all the banners. I can tell you Let her go! you can forever hold her close in your heart even if the feelings from her is not the same. I have held a deep love for someone for over fifty years. But Knowing she is happy makes loving her even better.
Remember the good, lock it away and move on with your life, You To should Be Happy!

My heart knows what you are feeling. The number of similar comments below speak the truth. You can cherish the past and you can come to cherish the future. Wish you the best.

You are about to bea single guy in an age group with not very many good men in it. Fasten your seatbelt, sweetie, a year from now you will be Happy, I promise! Just do yourself a favor & watch some Judge Judy to learn the pitfalls, like golddiggers & needy users.
You are now a prime commodity, act like it & be picky!

If you are lost without her, you are dependent on her, which is not a good thing.

It's not healthy to share time with an ex partner if you're both splitting but one party is still in love with the other. This is masochistic.

You need severance, to be alone and away from this person so that you can heal and find yourself again and perhaps find the person you were before you met her.

The only way through this is to split and to grieve. If your ex partner knows you're still in love with her but she continues to maintain a relationship with you - she's selfish.

I hope you have some good friends. It is wise to cultivate and nurture your interests, passions and hobbies.

Get away from her as completely as you can.
Don't remarry for at least 18 months, but get as involved with other people as you can.

I would recommend finding a good counselor to talk to. That can be hard to do, but well worth it. Just an objective third party to bounce my feelings off was helpful. I'm incredibly sentimental and still in love with every woman I ever loved - whether it was my choice or hers to end the relationship.

Time to move on, face your reality. Never the love of one person is enough for the two of you.

Time to cut ties and move on. Time will heal you.

Reading about your pain reminds me of the pain I went through in a similar situation. I however I chose not to remain friends....I just could not remain friends with someone who caused me that much pain. I don't know how I got from that place of pain (without help) to where I am today, a much happier and healthier individual, but I did. I made it. Everyone has a different way of dealing with this devastating pain and I'm not sure that I have any great pearls of wisdom to offer except to pass on the things that helped me. If you have access to professional help consider going that route. (I did not and looking back I think it would have taken less time to heal if I had). Take small steps, one at a time, and don't beat yourself up when you take a couple of steps back. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process. (This was a really important step for me.) Keep busy, even if you have to force yourself. Create a list of things that will bring you some happiness (something to look forward to); music, exercise, joining a group etc. Life will feel surreal for a while but that will change. You have to let go..easier said than done I know...but you will get there. Just have faith in yourself and look forward to that new person and life that will appear at the end of this journey. Peace to you.

King Peep, loss is hard to get over. The love of my life dumped me. I had moved and expected her to join me, but she dumped me after I moved. In winter. I really struggled. But what I ended up doing is making a list of everything I liked doing and making sure I did 3-5 of them every week. Outside hikes in the woods, play racketball, hear live music. And everytime I thought of her, I imagined taking her essence and putting it away in a lockbox. I imagined the box getting smaller and smaller. It took time, and a change of seasons, but a new rythym of life emerged, annd ultimately its toxic to want to be with someone who doesnt value you.

Its now been 30 years. I can't say I ever forgot her totally, but years have gone by when I didnt think of her.

You know the adage, "Make yourself interesting because it's the person you'll spend the most time with."

I find it fascinating that with 4 billion people on the planet that every one of them is different!

You know the adage, "Make yourself interesting because it's the person you'll spend the most time with."

I find it fascinating that with 4 billion people on the planet that every one of them is different!

You know the adage, "Make yourself interesting because it's the person you'll spend the most time with."

I find it fascinating that with 4 billion people on the planet that every one of them is different!

It's sad. No doubt. You're not alone. It happens and can happen to all of us. The folks on here are giving you good advise. A lot of it is hard to do, because it's happening to you, personally. but you need to move on. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. That's worse than being alone. Like with AA, one day at a time. There are stages of grief as with a death. It is a death. The death of your relationship. It's hard to imagine but one day you'll get over it.

Take a deep breath, you have to deal with the situation. It seems hopeless sometimes, but you can get through it.You can make a good future for yourself.Live your life with the attitude nothing is impossible, & no one will stand in your way. Hold your head up high, and make a good life for yourself.

Get out there and live.. Everyone has said it all.. Distractions of a positive nature. No easy answers to these ones! time is your friend .. much hugs fella.

Yep. I agree with @birdingnut. I'm 1 week into my new life in my new state- our situations are incredibly similar. I've typed out full paragraphs and deleted them 3 times and started over. It's still too new for me and I just slip into a little fit of anger and sadness. As much as I would like too help, I'm having enough time pushing myself through mine.
But, I'm mostly in the "it is what it is, what can ya do?" mode... for the most part. It took me quite awhile to get here. You need to sever connections with her since the feelings are not mutual or equal. And see a pro. Really.