It's a good day to talk about superstitions. I'm not superstitious, but I wonder how common is the fear or dislike of red heads? Why is the myth that red heads are evil still so prevalent? I ask because I was just handed some surprising news that actually hinged simply on the color of a toddler's hair 44 years ago. I'm talking about prejudice about red hair in a situation that didn't directly involve me, but actually changed my life. Let me back up a bit.
My daughter just presented me with some surprising news. Unbeknownst to any of us, my adult children have a half brother we never knew existed. My daughter was doing some research on a genealogy site and discovered she has this half sibling, so reached out to make contact hoping to learn more.
In conversation with the mother of this now 43 year old man, my daughter learned that this woman, who was a single mother, had dated my ex-husband and broke up with him because he kept making disparaging comments about her toddler's red hair. He simply didn't like red heads, a comment the kids and I heard many times during their childhood, so that tracks, my daughter told her.
Anyway, when this woman found out she was pregnant, she decided not to contact my ex-husband for that reason, he seemed to have a hatred for her other son's hair color, so what kind of father would he be?
Then after this baby was born, the child my ex-husband was responsible for, she learned that the baby was mentally disabled so has special needs. My ex-husband has always been quite clear on what he thought of the mentally disabled, and unrelated but also people of other ethnicities. (Yes, he's German, and was raised Catholic, and so yes that aligns with what you might think.) In conversations between my daughter and the mother of this half brother, my daughter replied, oh, I know, I grew up with him so yes that also tracks.
By the time this woman found out she was pregnant, I'm guessing he was already dating me, but it's unclear if he was seeing her at the same time he was seeing me or if she had already broken up with him. I've been trying to figure out what month I met my ex-husband. It really doesn't matter anymore and was a long time ago. I met him while I was a cocktail server in a popular pick up bar, so I'm just going by what top 40 songs I remember the band playing at that time and looking at the charts from back then, haha.
When my daughter told her dad that he has a son he didn't know about, he claimed he doesn't remember that woman at all. But of course, he was never such an honest man. When my daughter mentioned that his son, her half brother, is mentally disabled, my ex-husband said right then that he didn't want anything to do with him.
This boy attended the same middle school as my kids, but a couple of years ahead. My ex-husband was a teacher in a different school, but it's weird that this woman and her sons were in our neighborhood all that time.
My daughter has now seen photos of her half brother. He has brown hair and has an undeniable family resemblance to her dad's side of the family.
I said all that to say this... Had my ex-husband not made disparaging remarks about his girlfriend's red-headed toddler 44 years ago, or had that superstitious prejudice in the first place, he might have married this gal instead of me, my kids would never have been born, and I would have had a very different life. Funny how things happen.
My daughter will be meeting her half brother for the first time in November. Her dad has no interest in meeting him. I'm guessing that is because of the mental disability or perhaps it's because he doesn't want his ladyfriend to know about it.
My son still doesn't know about it until my daughter finds a way to tell him, or she thinks that their dad should have that discussion with him. I believe in honesty all around. My son should learn about this half brother we never knew about.
I can understand why this woman didn't want my ex-husband to be a part of their son's life, but I don't understand why she didn't go after him for child support. Of course, my ex-husband would have been a deadbeat dad, since he says it was her decision to have the baby. She did end up marrying someone else, though is divorced now.
It's a strange life! Most superstitions have a way of going away. Today is Friday the 13th, and I have one couple who are getting married this afternoon. Not superstitious.
I did not grow up with superstitions as reality, but more of a joke. My pet dog was born on Friday the 13th, on my 6th birthday, and we lovingly called him Jinx.
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8 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.It's not common at all. You be around some sick motherfuckers, and that's likely because you are a sick motherfucker. Like attracts like
Communistbitch
Level 6
Sep 15, 2024
0
I love red hair and have recently taken another look at the freckles that so often come with it. Just stay out of the sun.
As for any of this being superstitious, it is hard for me to say. We were all programmed for Friday the 13th by movies and shows covering the subject. I went to the gun range. Not shot and nothing strange happened. As for your ex, I see him a bit now and bet you are glad you are an ex. As for that other woman going after him for child support, this does not always work out either. I might add that special needs children do not always know that they are special needs.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Sep 14, 2024
1
I've never really met anyone other than my ex-husband who dislike red hair so much. So, I looked it up and it is a thing, but it was enough for this woman not to want to put her son through having an adult around who disliked him solely because of his hair. Of course, that's not all, but the first answer she gave my daughter as to why she didn't want my ex-husband in her life. Who's to say what would have happened had he not had this odd dislike of red hair.
I'm sure I'll learn more about the situation, but it's been on my mind these past couple of days. In those days, 43 years ago, there were likely paternity tests, etc., but it might have been advantageous for her to say the father was unknown. I'm not sure what the rules were for going after someone for child support back then if they didn't want the baby. It was her choice not to abort or give up for adoption, but it sure has me curious about how situations like that are handled, when someone doesn't want to pay, which would have been his answer, I'm sure of that.
It sounds like she found the right government agencies to assist her with services geared toward single mothers in her situation. I'll be curious to learn more in the coming months. I sure hope my ex-husband decides to meet his son. He doesn't have to meet the older boy with the red hair.
Is there a reason your son has not been told yet?
KateOahu
Level 8
Sep 14, 2024
2
My daughter is trying to decide how to talk to my son about it. She only told me about it yesterday, and had hoped that her dad would tell my son, but that doesn't look like it will happen. She will likely decide against inviting her brother along for the 3.5 hour drive each way, to meet their half brother, as that might end up being a bit more stressful for all. Baby steps. Perhaps he can meet his half brother on his own at a later date, or perhaps my daughter can convince her dad to meet him some day as well.
My daughter has known for a while about this and only told me about it now because my grandson will be coming to visit me on his own in late November and might mention this new uncle, so she wanted to give me a heads up.
Wow, you've had quite an interesting Friday the 13th! It sounds like you and your daughter are proceeding in an emotionally healthy way, and I hope reconciling your memories to this new information isn't too disturbing for you.
I don't recall anything negative about redheads with the possible exception of the "redheaded stepchild" which wasn't really about redheads as much as it was about not fitting in. In fact, I'd always been told it was lucky. I'm German, Polish, and Russian and was raised Catholic and red hair was at most a way of recognizing people who were Irish. It sounds as though your ex has a lot of things he hates so maybe his son is lucky not to have had him in his life.
Lauren
Level 8
Sep 14, 2024
4
I think some prejudices were absorbed from older family members, or maybe picked up from people my ex-husband hung around with in his younger years. I don't know.
I'm glad our own children didn't pick up those prejudices. They are very open minded and loving. When my kids were young, I was the respite care giver for a boy with cerebral palsy, and they loved that little boy. When I applied to become the boy's foster parent, my ex-husband was not thrilled by that. We ended up losing the boy into another foster parent's care, which was good, but my kids and I grieved our loss of the boy as if he were our own.
Yes, I think the conversations my daughter has had with her half brother's mother have confirmed the choice she made not to involve my ex-husband was a good one. Even my own kids, when I left the marriage, said "What took you so long?"
I'm Irish, so my hair has a lot of copper color in it. I used to bleach it to be more blond when I was with my ex-husband, as he said quite often how much he hated red hair. Odd.
In reading a bit about the superstition, it seems that some German Catholics, in the old days, thought that Judas had red hair, which may have been the foundation of the dislike of redheads. I don't know.
@Julie808 Oh my word, he used that nonsense while knowing YOUR hair color??? What a shithead!!! That seems like an extraordinarily strong position to take, and his inability to overcome those biases for those he loved doesn't speak well of him at all. In fact, it's despicable. Being with him must have been a real nightmare.
The thing is, I've never heard of someone who was prejudiced against a hair color. Nationality, yes, and I've heard of people who didn't like the Irish for instance, but not only the redheaded ones. I don't conjure but, if I did, I would have his hair start growing red ... as it is, I can only wish for it. 
@Lauren I very seldom think about my ex-husband, all those experiences are in a drawer that has been closed for quite some time, but my kids still have him in the fringe of their lives. The things my daughter remembers him saying and doing are coming back into my mind. So glad I removed myself so many years ago. I've been trying to remember his good qualities: He was punctual. That's all I've got so far, haha!
I don't think they talk with him much. He's quite involved with the same lady he was spending time with while we were married, and even converted (from atheism) to mormonism for her. My kids only found out about that by seeing photos of his baptism on social media. They have no idea if he's married or not. That's how un-close they are.
I love redheads, and am of German decent. I never even heard of the evil superstition before. These genealogy sites are changing the lives of many people in many ways. Finding entire families you never knew you had, siblings, solving decades old murders, and learning about our ancestors and where we actually came from. Social networking can sometimes do the same. I have met online a cousin I never knew existed, and many of my cousins children whom I never knew existed either.
The Chaos Theory! I love it, and it helped me understand much of what I used to call “fate” or karma. The flap of a butterfly wing in China can create a hurricane in California. Small, sometimes what appear to be insignificant choices we make, and others make, in our lives have consequences and ramifications far beyond anything that we will ever be aware of. Finding her half sibling may affect your daughter’s life and your families life in many ways, but would never have happened if she hadn’t decided to have a DNA test in the first place. And this decision can have all kinds of consequences for the boy, his mother, your ex (who sounds like a real peach by the way) and their relationships. I love the Chaos Theory as it applies to life.
Barnie2years
Level 8
Sep 14, 2024
3
Welcome to the 'ex' club. I think many of us got to the point of what the hell were we thinking when we married someone who was totally inappropriate, I did and, from my daughter, things have only gotten worse with this ex. Seems your daughter is very different than her dad, my daughter.
Sometimes, good things happen with things that were supposed to be unlucky. It's all a matter of attitde.
pedigojr
Level 6
Sep 14, 2024
4
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