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I performed a celebration of life ceremony this morning, for a family who wanted to start off their day with a church service and then meet with me to celebrate the life of their loved one, before paddling the ashes out to a specific spot they had in mind.

It was a short notice inquiry, at the end of a busy week, so I replied that I wasn't sure I'd be the best fit for them, if they are church goers, as I'm a humanist celebrant, and I don't usually include religious references in my services.

They hired me anyway, but didn't give me any information about the personality of the loved one who died, until 8:30pm last night. The service was to be at 11am this morning, and I do require 8 hours of sleep, so I had to work fast to come up with the right words.

The information they gave me showed an honorable man, not religious, and actually cussed like a sailor they warned me. My dad was also in the navy, so I'm not new to hearing cussing, I replied.

All that said, after my little speech, we went around the circle and everyone shared their stories of the man who had lost his battle to brain cancer far more quickly than predicted, so most of the stories were very sober, heartfelt and meaningful, from his wife, young sons, aunts, uncles, cousins.

Then came the last one to speak, the family member who hired me. He started off by saying he knows that "Julie doesn't include religious references in her service, but I just have to share why we chose this spot to scatter Victor's ashes..."

He went on to tell us the story, that when they were all out on a boat in the bay one day, suddenly Vic asked if there was a life jacket on board. They laughed it off, but finally found him a life jacket. Vic clung to that life jacket until they were past the rough spot, and the water became calm again. When they got back to land, over a few beers, they jeered Vic for fearing for his life during that rough spot. Vic replied "Well you didn't tell me you were going to take me through the Devil's anus!"

And so it was that the spot they had picked out to scatter his ashes during the paddle out was the calm spot just beyond the "Devil's Anus" which is fitting because Vic had lost his battle with glioblastoma, a particular type of brain cancer brought on by being exposed to the burn pits in Iraq. (Same brain cancer and cause as Beau Biden's death, and President Biden even extended his personal condolences to Victor's family.)

Vic had served 22 years with the Navy and several more years after advocating for veterans for suicide prevention and and also gun safety legislation.

He lost his battle with the brain cancer, which could surely be equated with the Devil's anus, so that calm spot in the bay seems like a fitting place for his ashes to rest, surrounded by the tropical beauty around him, while his legacy lives on in those he left behind.

I guess this didn't turn out to be the funny story, except that the family member equated the Devil's Anus to be a religious reference, haha!

Julie808 8 Dec 9
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5 comments

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5

Based on the timing, it looks like we are back to pre-covid protocols for final rites. I feel your frustration at the late notice. The worst one I had, I had promised to do one for a friend, the family didn't notify me until an hour before the service when it was going to be.

And I'll bet you did a STELLAR job!

@pamagain It was passable. It wasn't my best work, but you only get one shot at it most times.

One hour notice? Wow, it took me one hour just to drive to the service location. At least I had the time and location a couple of days in advance. Just no helpful information until the night before the service. Then wham, so much information that made it easy to write something up.

I normally like to take my time to write something inspirational and appropriate for the person, so I could have done better with more time, but I was hired pretty much to just set the tone, before the family members took turns sharing their thoughts and memories. That's the difference between a full service and just the committal of ashes to a natural source. The simple committals don't take such an emotional toll on me
as the full funeral services.

Yes, outdoors with lots of space between me and the family is the norm for me, before and after covid. I only did one funeral in a funeral home during covid, the bulk of all my services are outdoors, so I'm lucky in that way.

@Julie808 This was on the verge of high comedy. The family had nothing arranged, but thought they had. Right before the service was supposed to begin the funeral director asked how they were going to pay for the crypt. The sister went back to the office with the funeral director to get it straightened out, the assistant was chatting up everyone and passing cards out and trying to sign up new customers. When the sister finally came back, we did the committal service. and I headed over to the VFW for a cold one.

@glennlab Right! How often does someone die?

5

It's a beautiful story! The Devil's Anus!!!! 😂❤️😂❤️😂❤️😂❤️

3

It sounds like a beautiful memorial ending in a bit of humour. Thank you for sharing the story. 🙂

Betty Level 8 Dec 9, 2024

Yes, levity was part of the wishes expressed by the man of honor. Some of the family members shared other stories with some surprising funny endings, to remember the laughter too, not just the cancer and way too early death.

4

It was lovely of you to help them out. 🥰

Well, they did pay me for my time and ability to get the permit, though I spent half my fee on the donuts I brought for the family to enjoy after the service and before their paddle out. I almost hate to ask for payment sometimes, but if I didn't I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I do meet the most awesome people posthumously.

7

At least you are still able to post on this site and I'm sure you really made this family happy. 🙂

Not sure about happy, but I feel I filled a need for them. Lots of tears but also laughter. I'm sure they had a memorable day, feeling their loved one's memory was with them throughout the experience.

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