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How do the men here feel about having a relationship with ? "an older woman"? Not just in private, either. A friendship that grows into a comfortable, easy...coupling. LOL. I hate labels, but needed to express this SOMEHOW. Thanks in advance. Be honest, but not unkind, please. ? (Having asked this, I should say I love men of all ages. Attraction is hard to quantify. Sapiosexual. Not ever sure I'll be interested in ANYONE long-term. Haven't been yet. I'm OK either way).

FoundMyNietzsche 6 May 12

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Have you thought of setting up an 'Older Women and Younger Men' section on

A place of respect - no mention of cougars, cubs or toyboys. I'd join it.

It is! Someplace where people don't say things like "She's so fit" or "She's in great shape for her age" and think it's a compliment.

@FoundMyNietzsche Yes, I agree on all points! It's hard enough to find someone to share my life without adding the restrictions of race, ethnicity or age (and sometimes religion). In fairness, though, I was in a long-term relationship with someone 19 years younger, and the societal pressure can be massive. It's becoming more common but there's a way to go yet.


Age is right up there with race in my book. I giveth not one shit.

And thou rocketh as well!

@FoundMyNietzsche You are more than welcome, but there is no need to thank me.


Most men wouldn't have a problem with it. Ultimately we just want to be happy, same as you.


"Older" is a relative term. Older than dirt? Older than me? Older than someone who can't name the four Beatles, much less the "fifth" one? Age is mostly just a state of mind, in my opinion. But if you get to the point of being older than my mom... well... let's just say thay I'll be happy to come by on Sundays to the piano for you in the lobby of the Senior Living Community. ?

@FoundMyNietzsche As if things weren't complicated enough... []


I know of three couples where the man is younger than the woman.

One is a friend of mine. His wife is 17 years older than him. Another is a friend's brother whose wife is 20 years older. They've been together over two decades. The other is a couple on social media. Again, the man is 20 years younger.

In real life it happens. But not in our media.

BTDT in a 20 year relationship with an 11 year gap...

Same interests in music, humor, a good lot of social issues. Hyper attracted on meeting early on.

@FoundMyNietzsche It was cool at first, then as time went on it was a PITA & I hope to never go there again. It sucks tho, because most of the music I like hits the -10+ crowd than myself -_- People my age don't often know who Aphex Twin or DeadMau5 etc are 😟😟😟

@FoundMyNietzsche blush why thank you! 🙂🙂🙂 Ah I'd have to check the latter 2. I DEARLY LOVE electronic/industrial/EDM... i'm in "electric jams" if you're curious to check out some other stuff. 🙂

@FoundMyNietzsche Thanks! I have portishead, MA. Icelandic, now I want old sugar cubes in my van! Meant to do that last night! Thanks for the reminder! ~8D


Some of the best connections that I have ever had was with older women. There is a great mix of beauty, character and experience in older women that is relatable and sexy and for me that almost always makes it more than just a physical attraction.


Dating older women is awesome.


I've had relationships with older women and it's usually went pretty well.


My soon to ex-wife was 10 years older than me. It's really based on connection for me.


I like women to be a little older than me. Young ones are often too immature.


I have dated younger men. I didn't think it was a big deal. We never felt the need to hide anything.

Maybe the age gap wasn't large enough for me to fully understand?

I know now that i prefer older men. I suppose that there are men who prefer older women.
Seems normal to me.

spot on.

@Petter whew
I was worried I was being odd, again.

@Donotbelieve There's no such thing as "odd" - merely further away from the boringly average!

@Petter yay

@FoundMyNietzsche I definitely understand.


I'm 31. the past few times i've attempted dating have been at least a 3-7 year gap with me being on the young end. i relate to older women more because i'm far more matured, emotionally than most guys my age.. where it seems to fail is the sexual chemistry aspect. more often than not i'm left with far more drive and kink than my older lady friends. not saying that's a characteristic of all women in that age group (35-41) or so, just my experience.. seems like i'm going to be settling in one department or another, either emotional or physical connection 😟


When I was 19 I had a relationship with a friend from work who was 39. My first wife was a year and a half older. The biggest age difference the other was also 20 years. At this stage of my life (66) I am more interested in someone in my general age bracket, but would never let age, higher or lower, be the primary concern over how I feel about someone I feel attracted to.


I've dated much older and much younger. It's all good.

and this is I dislike math.


WEll, as a (much) older man of 82, I date gals in my age group. As long as they seem healthy and reasonably fit, I feel good about it.


Gee, France' s first lady is 17 years older than her hubby.

It doesn't seem to have phased the French as much as it does Americans. And yet 45's age to his much younger wife is never a problem. Hmmm ...


As I have seen women that I loved and lusted after in my youth bear the marks of growing older, I have come to this conclusion:

What I find truly beautiful about a woman is not susceptible to the ravages of time.

I am no longer interested in a woman based on her fertility capacity. I am interested in kindness, wisdom, a thirst for life, and a willingness to make the most of what time she has left.

Just for reference, I am 56, and the three most desirable women in my life are 52, 57 and 47.

As far as physical relationships go, I want a woman who knows what she's doing. I don't have time to train a 20-something.

@FoundMyNietzsche And sometimes...that's their loss. We could show them a thing or two that they might appreciate. But, I get it-raging hormones seek their own kind 😛

@FoundMyNietzsche I don't know your age (I could look, but it's not necessary), but what I DO know, is that my mother married a man 20-something years younger than her when she was 49. Some people (I'm not one of them, and it sounds like you're not, either) seem to feel that the affections of a youthful person validates that they still have sex-appeal, something which they are afraid of losing.

20 year olds don't need training these days.

@FoundMyNietzsche Fair enough. In my defense, I note that training is something people do, too: musicians train, soldiers and police officers train, employees at new positions train, and so on. I see relating to people as a skill, which we can (and do!) learn over time, and love-making is also such a skill. I have seen many an unhappy relationship because the lovers in them assume (wrongly, I think) that sex is something we are born knowing how to do, when in fact the opposite is true.


Well, how much older?
At 68 I'd say probably not.
At 40, maybe.
Is she really rich?

@FoundMyNietzsche, I think that may depend on your definition of happiness! ? There was an article in AARP magazine about stars with younger spouses. The oldest one was 30 different in age. Most were 20 or more and fairly long term. All of them had big money! And they all looked happy! ? This was one of them: []


Hard to find many women older than me. But I have craved the affections and friendship of quite a few.


I have only dated a couple of ladies younger than myself. I have had 4 actual relationships, ie mutually exclusive, they were all older by between 13 months and 3 years. I set my desired age range at 5 years either side, but hey, it the rght lady came along, age is irrelevant.

@FoundMyNietzsche I know it changes as we get older, but have always found it a bit creepy, old guys chasing younger girls.. I guess at 60 a lady of 50 could be ok, but at 45 they seem so young. Ahhh relativity.


While I would gladly consider any woman 21 years of age or older, and for the most part date women close to my age, I do enjoy the company of and have dated women older than myself, with the oldest being 24 years my senior. Most of the interactions I've had with older women have been gratifying, and they were really wonderful women, I had zero shame in being seen with them out in public. I'm not going into anymore details, as this comment could become X rated, but suffice to say it's good to hear that women are living their lives as they see fit and not let age get in the way. Good post.


Older or younger. I've never been very age specific.


I would have no problem dating an older woman. My wife, however, might have a different opinion. ?


So that means I can mark both of you as a "Yes", right? But you'll have to take turns. No "double dates". ?

Lol. I learned a long time ago that you never are going to know what's going to happen until you step up to the plate. You might get a ball, you might get a strike, you might get hit by a wild pitch. But the universe might align just right and you hit a home run. So, what are you planning to throw at me today? If you say a screwball, I will make a trip to the mound. ?

I do every day. She's a spectacular person and I love her very much. That will never change. You seem to be a person who I could have a fun friendship with.

I just found out what a sapiosexual is. Thank you for that word. I didn't know I am one also. I'll add that to my list of personality characteristics.


Strictly speaking, younger women can be a seen as more attractive to many males for aesthetic reasons.This is an enormous generalisation,with millions of mind bogglingly beautiful exceptions.

However same age to older by say 10 years can be much more sexually compatible in many ways. And definitely mentally more stimulating..again with millions of exceptions.

There are so many exceptions that it comes down to the two individuals involved in personal taste.

Many men talk about young slim women in the locker rooms of the world..but privately fantasize about curvy older women.

I hope this helps.

You're very welcome, any time.


How do I feel having a relationship with an older woman...... I am 54, at my age what I want/need is companionship, support (emotional not financial), conversation, enjoy each other's company, same intetest, go to the movies because both want to see the same stuff, simple things like that and most importantly, compatibility so we both bring out the best on us (this must be a two way street). I wouldn't like a relationship with a younger woman with needs to party, it wouldn't be fair for her. I have been looking for this and so far no luck. Either I have been looking in the wrong places or this is more difficult than what it seems....

@FoundMyNietzsche all feedback is appreciated !!

@FoundMyNietzsche sorry about the short response... I was running errands and it's hard to type on my phone tiny keyboard. I am home now at my PC, so here it goes. First of all, thank you very much for your generous response. I have been asked quite a few times if I have been traumatized or something, as in why do I present myself as "nobody". My answer has always been the same, this is a virtual space where I like to express ideas and learn from everyone. We all have real a real life and I am somebody on that one, no doubt about it. So, rest assure this "IamNobody" is not meant to get people to feel sorry for me. Quite contraire, I want people to get interested in talking to/with me because of what I think, not because of how I am or what I do. Let alone how I look. Now, regarding my picture. Two members of this site have asked and I have send it. That's not an issue. But then again, I will have to emphasize that here we all are digital entities. Pictures can be bogus, credentials can be fake, etc. I still appreciate your concern, don't get me wrong. I am just trying to explain where I am coming from. I have too much reality in my life (work, family, responsabilites, problems.. the list goes on and on) so a little bit of fantasy works for me. I am not sure if parallel universes do exit and yet, this site feels like one. Last thing I want to say, since I want to talk to whoever wants to talk to me, I new since the beginning that I wasn't going to hold my breath hoping to find the right person here. Not many people close by to begin with. Anyhow, life goes on and I could tell you a lot of stories about the people I have meet along the way in the last six months only and you would be surprised. There have been lots of opportunities but nothing even close to what I want. As I have said, it's harder than what it seems. So, long story short, no worries about my site name, it's just a name....nothing more, nothing else. And thanks for such a great question !!!!

@FoundMyNietzsche it has been a pleasure talking to you so far. Looking forward to keeping the door open. Thanks for all your comments !!

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