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How do you think your life and relationships would be different if a person’s appearance did not matter to you?

#relationships #happiness #choices #success #love
lkahleski 6 May 15
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1

Level 4

I would probably be a totally different person. I'm pretty shallow as I have a really hard time finding large woman attractive. It's not only a huge flaw but completely ridiculous and a double standard cause I'm a large man. I have met so many woman who are absolutely wonderful, yet I can't bring myself to pursue them purely cause I'm not physically attracted. I can't stand it. I've been trying to work on it, but haven't made much progress. Doesn't help that I'm very introverted. I'm pretty sure I'm going to forever alone because of it. If I didn't have that?! I wouldn't be 28 years old, single, and only ever dated 2 woman. Life would completely change.

At least you were honest
1

Level 6

It's funny, even thought the post specifically asks to think about how your relationships would be different without considering appearance, most ignore even thinking about it. It's THAT important. How about the idea that you might actually find someone compatible in so many other ways besides looks? How many times do people choose a partner based on looks and ignore all the reasons they aren't compatible only to find out down the road they were a bad choice...

Well put
2

Level 8

Would not change.

2

Level 8

It's not like you don't try to find someone who is compatible with yourself with more than just physical attraction. It's a combination of everything. If you only focused on non-physical attributes, it would still be just as to find someone most likely. It's not that you can change being physically attracted to someone or not though anyway.

2

Level 7

Interesting twist on myth of potential.
No quick answer for me.

1

Level 8

I'd be blissfully by happy now.

I'm holding out for a Ryan O'Neal, in his prime type (who's not a douchebag). Hence why I'm rapidly turning into a spinster.

1

Level 6

No different. I already care not about appearance. I'm only single, because no female has chosen a man of honor over those with money/sex/power. No surprise there. It's hard to break away from animal instincts. So aye, nothing different.

Don't renounce personal responsibility for your perception of how others choose relationships. You may be assuming that your personality, communication, and compatibility are all up to snuff and they may not be. Just a thought.

Many things are wrong in your assumptions about me. I don't hold it against you as you don't know me. You asked a question on if anything would change if I didn't judge on appearance. I answered it. I only extrapolated so you'd understand my answer. So aye, nothing would change as I already don't judge appearance.

So you’d be with someone you weren’t physically attracted to? That’s really sad.

Animals think that way. Thinking that way is what's sad.

@KenG appearance is only one aspect of attraction for me, but my relationships don't depend on it entirely. It probably plays more of a role initially than it should but certainly plays far less a role after the relationship has been established.
2

Level 8

I've been with people that I'm not attracted to so their appearance obviously made no difference. But I'm also Sapiosexual

I had to look that up!

@lkahleski 😉

@lkahleski Yea same.
2

Level 6

Appearance is incredibly important. Why would you want to be with someone you’re not attracted to?

KenG Level 6 May 15, 2018
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Appearances change so the question is do you have the ability to love someone if their appearance becomes less attractive. It's more a reflection of who you are as a person than someone's appearance.

@lkahleski To love someone is not an ability. You either do or you don’t. If you’re still attracted to someone when they get older then that’s fine. If you’re not then time to move on. Some people can age but still look good because they’ve kept in shape, others don’t.

@lkahleski Yes, but as your spouse/significant other's physical appearance changes, so does your own mindset. Your priorities change through your experiences and chemical composition in your brain. You can't say that what you're thinking at 60 or 70 is right for you to think at the age of 20-45. As their appearance changes, you have spent an inordinate amount of time with them to learn everything about them and see if they have all the things in common with you or that compliment your own personality. You're already comfortable with them. It's not right or wrong to be attracted to physical appearance. It's a combination of things.

So let's say you're madly in love with someone. They are gorgeous. Then they are in a car accident scaring their face and altering their appearance. Then what?

1

Level 9

I can't imagine it not being important.

Well, that's a point for self reflection then.

@lkahleski Not really. What is important to me is important to me. Something that might be important to you might not mean anything to me. That is just the way it is.

How about relationships with your family? It’s all perspective.
2

Level 7

I think it would be worse. I use people's appearance to scientifically deduce behavioral tendencies and traits and it's been largely successful.

You sound very analytical and confident.

@lkahleski

No, I would not say I am confident, and I am sure I don't analyze heavily, otherwise I would be in a better place in life. I am actually in a horrible financial situation right now, and it is souring almost every moment of my existence.
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