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Does anyone else find small talk or talking exhausting. I don't consider myself an introvert and am very outgoing I just like alot of time to myself. I guess I'm a deep thinker.

Reddeer 5 May 18
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43 comments

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7

Small talk is a waste of breath. Getting to know someone on a meaningful level is what it's all about. Which probably explains why I am single. πŸ˜›

7

I find skillful small talk can often open a door you'd not find otherwise. But I understand that others may find it quite tedious.

6

I hate making small talk. Which is possibly why I love the medical field so satisfying. Because when it comes to conversation, it’s almost always important. I would love to meet someone who can make small talk interesting. I find having conversations or FRIENDLY/POLITE debates so much more entertaining than just the babble we say to fill in the silence.

Don’t get me wrong, when I’m with a girl (that I would like to be with), I don’t mind the small talk. I want to know how her day went, if she wants a foot massage, what she thinks about a tv show episode, etc. But when it comes to random strangers, no thanks.

6

I abhor small talk. I'm here to know others and to be known. Small talk won't get you there.

5

I don't like small talk, I can't think of anything to say.

5

Maybe more of an observer. Small talk drains my energy as well.

5

I am an introvert, love my time alone but love people too. I'm friendly but, used to be extremely shy. I had a terrible time with small talk for a long, long time. I don't initiate small talk now but I have some skill with it and I've learned it has a valuable place. Often, small talk is a screen and behind small talk are two very important possibilities. One, a very human need to connect. I give people opportunity for that ALWAYS because you never know who is lonely and that little bit connecting might be a lifeline. Two, a serious issue that requires a listening ear.

I like being that friend that keeps the small talk, well, small. Nice post, Reddeer.

5

I haven't gotten a haircut in over a year because I dread the small tall. ?

dkp93 Level 8 May 18, 2018

@NotAndrew Exactly! I avoid that situation as much as possible.

4

I was recently talking with a child and realized I had to be much more intelligent and thoughtful with what I said then I do in most conversations with adults.

Kids are so much more intelligent and literal than we give them credit for these days.

4

I'm neither an introvert nor a deep thinker. I'm hard of hearing, and straining to hear people is exhausting enough. To have to do so for small talk is just worse.

Omg I'm hard of hearing, too. I never connected how much I hate small talk with my hearing issues. Omg thank you for sharing this. A million times thank you.

@Funnygir175 hey, no problem. ? I didn't figure it out myself, I was told this by an audiologist and I had the same reaction. ?

4

I have to be "on" to be good at small talk. And that gets exhausting. I can be "on" for short periods at a time. But then I need some solitary time.

4

Being a hermit and all, I can totally relate. A lot of the time, I just don't have much to say. The worst is when people start talking to me simply because they're not comfortable with silence. I hate forced conversation. And really, what is there to talk about?

4

Too much deep thinking gets me tired.

3

It's exhausting if I have to con. I never learned the unspoken rules of casual socialization, so I have to put a lot of effort into consciously absorbing what's happening in a given situation and make specific observations to myself for future reference. This is an outward-focused mental activity, and if I then have to suddenly shift gears and focus inwards because someone's asked me a question or something, it's difficult. I often freeze up. Large groups of people are intimidating because there's so much happening at once and I can't keep up.

But I do generally enjoy listening to people gab on about this or that, and if they're skilled enough at social interactions to make me feel relaxed and safe, then I can shift gears more fluidly and be a better conversationalist.

*if I have to contribute. Not con. lol.

I find it draining as well, probably because I'm so poor at it, both because of not having learned those "unspoken rules" you mentioned, but also because of having less of an aptitude for it being I am an introvert who tends to think and analyze a lot before speaking. But I do recognize the benefits of small talk in making connections. So the questions I'm asking myself lately are how much more enjoyable might I find small talk if I put more effort into improving those skills, and might I be able to find ways to quickly turn small talk into something weightier, or would that just put people off?

3

Yes, it can be.

3

Damn you're right I'm the same way. Gave a friend a ride the other day and I had to hear about the used water heater he put into his new apartment

2

I need a lot of alone time. So much that I’m really afraid to meet that β€œsomeone” after being married 24 years. It’s so freeing being able to do whatever I want whenever I want.

Norie Level 5 May 18, 2018

I'm enjoying be solo, myself. It's good to meet me, again!

2

I dislike small talk or talking in general whether it's on the phone or in person, I do however prefer in person.

2

Small talk at work is the worst . Always polite but by the end of the day sarcasm creeps in and it’s not a good look

2

Small talk is exhausting , I agree . Has to be mutual and free flowing

2

Small talk annoys me after 5 minutes, drama whiney talks annoys me after 1 minutes, didactic BS talk annoys me after 15 seconds. But a good conversation with interesting people can keep me engaged for a long time. I also believe that people can be uncomfortable with silence. It is a rare treat to be with a person who knows there is absolutely nothing wrong just because you are quiet. And please stop asking me, "what's wrong?"
I also like to get lost in my own thoughts and I can amuse myself for quite a while when no one is around, which is often.

2

If you don't mind my asking, where does your thinking tend to go, and why?

2

I NEED a lot of time to myself! Never could do small talk well and don’t care for parties all that much, either! I enjoy a few people and individual people, when I do stuff!

2

Friday may 18 2018, EDT USA

YO! NEW ZEALAND!

Just spoke with a friend in who lives near Melbourne. It is like tomorrow morning there. That is amazing. She is just about straight through the center from here. And she's in the future. She didn't sound like it. No real time delay as we spoke. Must be magic or something.

Also: You don't have to guess. You are a deep thinkee.

@TheAstroChuck The aussies use the diminutive for all kinds of stuff:
shrimps on the barbie,.... Brekky, breakfast
[en.wikipedia.org]

2

I spent Wednesday-today not talking to anyone at work unless I had to.

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