Agnostic.com

10 2

Does anyone else believe that being physically close and emotionally open is the key to a good relationship?

bxchat 3 May 22
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

10 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

Yes, both are key to a good relationship, as long as we also understand two things.

First, words often mean different things to different people, so we mustn't assume that what one person sees as being close and emotionally open automatically matches the other person's perceptions of either or both. The resolution is to remain curious and always confirm that you're both on the same page.

Which brings me to the underlying criterion for any functional relationship, shown and given respect. We need to acknowledge and respect our partner's differences by appreciating how special they are, differences aside. Respect and being respected is always in the eyes of the receiver, so if you're not being respected by your partner, it's up to you to communicate that your needs are not being satisfied, and it's up to them to understand what you're saying, then to do something about what isn't working. If they care enough, that is.

If a relationship is healthy and important enough, people will do whatever they can as long as they know what to do and how to do it. Which is a whole other story. Lol

1

I think it defininatly is up there in the things that make a relationship work. excuse my spelling, I really need spell check. lol

0

Yes, 100%. One of the main reasons for my divorce.

0

Maybe, but it made little difference in my relationships, which were always cuddly and honest, but never lasted.

A famous study found that the one common denominator in successful, long-term hetero marriages was when the husband listened to and yielded to his wife in all things.

"In John Gottman’s long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, he found that even in the first few months of marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives’ influence. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct."

Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. (1999). “Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You,” in The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work (Chapter Six).

My own partners were typically men with high levels of female characteristics, including being picky, critical, and independent. They would soon begin stonewalling me, going behind my back to spend all our money, lying to me, etc. so I'd lose interest in them.

@TampaHeathen The study is for cis hetero couples, since few men with high levels of independent female characteristics listen to a woman for long.

It also showed that the moment the husband stonewalled his wife, the clock started ticking down for a break up, and the time until divorce could be accurately predicted..

Few cis hetero women want to be in the dangerous position of being with a man who is looking out for himself first, since they are usually much larger and stronger, unless she has high levels of male characteristics and likes being controlled by her mate.

I was that way, for instance, and kept finding myself in danger from my mates who felt free to do as they pleased .

0

I used to. Not so much anymore.

0

Of course.
A few other things too, but those are important.

0

I think there needs to be good communication on all levels, not just emotionally.

0

Yes, if both of you can do it.??

1

Yeah, but that's just too easy. What are you, some kind of idealist? 🙂

0

Yes for sure

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:87847
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.