I read an article recently about some scientists who tried to objectively measure what makes successful romantic couples successful. Their conclusion was it was the partners who treated each other with the most kindness.

One more reason why I'm a big proponent of kindness.

This is why I roll my eyes when dudes complained about being "friend-zoned."

Like dude, if you can't be a friend, you can forget about being more than a friend, too.

There are many wonderful comments here, so YAY! And I'm also blown away by the ones that seem to think that true friendship and sex are mutually exclusive as apposed to a building block from one to the other....or that taking the time to build a friendship first would take years and no romance would be involved. Ummm...Eeeek. It's not so black and whlte. It's really not that hard, but I guess it is for some people. There is such a thing as organically progressing through friendship into romance...like a touch or caress, or holding hands, or little kisses, and opening car doors, cooking a meal for someone, cuddling while watching a movie, a shoulder massage, and so on... When it's "right" and both parties feel safe and cared for, it always leads to "more". Put in the respectful, trust building effort, and reap the rewards of something genuine.

Exactly, both would need to be willing to make the effort.

Its just an emotion. Take A chance on a bad boy and see if wild and crazy wakes up something wonderful. When's the last time you said OMG?

I agree with this. I think friendship is the basis for any solid relationship. I mean...how can it not be? My ex told me one time that I was his wife...not his friend. I remember feeling crushed and basically shut out by that statement. How can you feel true companionship then? How can you learn to understand each other...to like each other? I want to genuinely like the person I'm with and need to feel a comadaradarie with them.

Goes without question. There needs to be a strong level of trust and support in a healthy relationship; how else will you make it through challenges which will definitely come up. And it only makes your connection more enjoyable, reassuring and meaningful. With the safety of being who you are with each other and to be loved for it, what could be better

A lot of good stuff here. In a way I think you're right but there is a difference. I currently am questioning everything about relationships including monogamy (although I'm not sure I could be non-monogamous) and even though a committed monogamous relationship has a 'get along/friendship' component it's not the same as friendship. That kind of deep emotional and physical intimacy changes everything; at least for me. I think it's good to get to know someone a decent amount to see if you get along before trying that kind of intimacy but it's not the same kind of friendship afterwards. That's why after a break-up I need to create some 'distance' to get my head out of that intimate connection. I still may be able to be friends with an ex but that friendship is different than the one I had during the relationship. I actually was trying to figure this out while commenting so I hope it makes sense. Thanks for provoking me to think this through.

I'm leery of it. This dude I knew who thought we were closer of friends than we actually were tried to convince me to take it further on the grounds that one leads to the other and it was how his parents got together so it followed the he and I should, too. I was only just learning my own sexuality and was still very isolated in an abusive parental environment which resulted in my having very few contacts with the outside world, so I had to keep hedging around the subject for years, which got really stressful. Kinda left me a little weird about people insisting on a specific course a relationship 'should' take.

It also helps if you can laugh together; with each other and for each other. It important not to take ourselves too seriously.

My understanding was that a good relationship, especially a marriage, needed a good grounding in common interests/experiences to work. But friendship is good too.

Friendship is necessary but what kind of friendship? Meaning that I can be friends with someone but to be in a relationship we'll have to be more so on the same trajectory. I have friends that are waaaaay different from me and that would never work. So while friendship is necessary, it has to be more than that. For me, anyway.

Yes, friendship is important but for men we have to be careful not to fall into the “friend’s zone”. The kiss of death for a romantic relationship.

Cultivating a strong friendship is never a bad idea with or without romance. Many times a romance will fizzle out, but a strong friendship will remain intact.

agreed

Don't leave out the sex while doing that ??

Agree-if you don't share common interests and become friends better success.

My ex-wife and I were best friends (married for 20 years). Because of that bond, we probably stayed together an extra 10 years longer than we should have!

Why are Women drawn to the "Bad Boy's,and usually ignore the Men that could give them what want? Genes,directing perhaps her choices? What success do older married couples have? those married 40+ years?

Totally agree.

We'd better get crackin'!--Lol.

Precisely. Julieta and I were the best of friends before we ever considered getting married. That friendship has held us through the storms of life for a long, long time. Highly recommended.

I was just mentioning that to a friend yesterday. I never had a relationship that lasted long without being friends first.

I agree to about 80%. It’s not that I disagree, friendship is important. However, I feel that communication (and honesty even when it hurts) between both parties is also needed. Friends lie to each other so not to hurt the friendship. If you can’t tell your partner that they are chewing too loud or you want them to spend more time talking to you instead of playing a game. Or whatever they do that ignores you.

The more one party holds back in order not to hurt the relationship, the more it builds up, the more is becomes poison. Someone once said, secrets are like weights. The more you carry, the harder it is to keep moving forward.

My parents talked and laughed every day. That's what I want in a relationship.

Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples. I want a man who also loves hiking.

The sex-charged "honeymoon period" doesn't last. Enjoying each other's company does. Friendship and truly liking each other are a great foundation for building a loving relationship.