Watching an episode of the old PBS series “The Power of Myth” with Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers confirmed in me a feeling I already had about the irrationality of an all powerful, absolute and divine loving presence in the universe. At one point in the conversation between the two men, Campbell mentions the writings of the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. In those writings, Schopenhauer comments on how if one were to stop and really consider the nature and characteristics of life as it exists on earth, it would become clear that it is in opposition to all ethical standards all the time. This business of one form of life feeding and consuming other life to survive seems to be in complete contradiction to an eternal loving presence. If one were to bring a world into existence, this setup seems like a rather cruel and painful design concept.

Sorry for not replying to my own post. This is the first one I made one here, and thought it would let me ask a question, then let me write more details. This site is very different than other forums, and I am new. Thanks everyone for the replies! I read every one, and gave all of you a thumbs up. For me it happened in 2003. I don't remember either of my grandfathers. One died a year before I was born. The other a year after I was born. My grandmother died in 1993. I was left with only one grandparent. I loved my grandma to death. Later in High School, we were able to leave for lunch. I'd go to grandmas. She always had a hot meal for me. Most was hand made, and from scratch. Sometimes she would start cooking at 3-4 AM to make fresh horn rolls. When I graduated High School, I moved from Nebraska to Phoenix. I lived about 10 minutes from ASU East. Lots of partying, but I'd always call my grandma once or more a week. I'd usually fly from Phoenix to Omaha. Other than whoever picked me up, the first person I went to see was Grandma. I've never been a fan of really any sport. At all. But, when the Huskers football game was on, we would watch it together. A lot of times when she called, we'd talk for a while, and she'd talk so much that I wanted to just get off the phone and do stupid college things. The last time I talked to her it was the opposite. She died later that day. I flew back to Nebraska for the funeral. I was at my moms house obviously in mourn, and I prayed to "God" laying in bed. I was asking for a sign, one more time to talk to Grandma, or maybe to do a resurrection. I was a devout Catholic at that time. Went to church every Sunday, and went to CCD, and bible camp as a youngster. Ii found out that night that I was reduced to the failure of prayer, and I was staring at the wall talking to myself.

I'm not sure. Poetry, maybe?

There has never been a personal god, or any other sort. I was brought up in a religious (at the time) family, but never felt any 'presence' in my life.

Never have.

I was a horrible Catholic. So naturally, when you grow up, you think about things, and realize (around mid-30's) developing some independence, that you have to take ownership over what you are doing, accountable for your mistakes with or without god looking over you.
My Christian Greek Orthodox friend and I discussed this, and he said, "That's good and all, but you can't get into heave with (good) works alone."
So apparently, it's a deal breaker if you don't acknowledge god everyday AND go to church. Yea, I'm outta that club.

I was a Bible reader, and recognized some of the contradictions and problems inherent therein by the time I was 10 or 12. I later studied some theology because it interested me, and the more I read, even that by apologists, the easier it became to reject.

I wanted to actually know god. I wasn’t content with just reading a book about this god or talking about this god. I wanted to legitimately know this god. In the book there are many references of men and god conversing. Knowing one another. Interaction. I cared so deeply and wanted to know so badly that it led me to find out this god doesn’t exist. It’s literally a figment if my imagination influenced by others imaginations. The thing about being deceived is you have no damn clue you are until you do. I do think there were a lot of other people who were deceived but genuinely wanted to inject good in the world. Of course there’s been a very strong intellectual pursuit in regards to it as that is where all the information lies. I had been dealing with doubt since I can remember I just finally quit making the choice to believe and defend. This led me to a more open handed perspective.

I'm not sure I ever really did, or at least not one that was actively working in people's lives. My household wasn't particularly religious so it wasn't drilled into me. I was an ill child, asthma and allergy related issues that sometimes had me quiet which made me watchful for entertainment. I could see people making screwed up choices and then asking god why he'd put them through the consequences... as if they had no sense to realize their choices would have consequences.

By my pre-teens I was primed to learn more and ended up a missionette for a while... lots of a bible study, lots of questions that irritated the piss out of the adult leaders of the groups. Most of my teens were spent sorting through things. I still do resort from time to time, older eyes, more experience and shifts in perspective make some minor differences.

Obvious fairy tale, prince charming (god) comes into your life and he'll make everything better even though nothing has changed.

Well .. in a nutshell, my experienced life was pretty impersonal, which flies in the face of a personal god. Life is just stuff happening. It doesn't exhibit any qualities of being directed, guided or protected (or even, really, of being misdirected, misguided or assaulted -- although our innate bias towards noticing threats more than boons makes it easier to think that).