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I feel like real communication is a difficult accomplishment between male and female. I wonder if it is me. I always believed that I said exactly what I meant occasionally using sarcasm to make a point. Yet when interacting with a woman I get the feeling she is looking for a deeper meaning as to what I'm talking about. Am I making any sense now? I call it reading between the lines. Example: A few women I have chatted with agree to meet for coffee. They call it a 'date', I call it a meeting. A date has a different meaning and context. My intent is misunderstood. I just feel like giving up with this method.

By Jinxsdad4
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17 comments

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2

I think you're too focused on semantics and you're over thinking this. Who cares whether it's called a meeting or a date, just relax, get to know her and see if you have any chemistry.

Taladad Level 8 May 31, 2018
4

if it's just about semantics i'm actually out of here, but...

if i agree to or even take the first step & invite a man (or anyone for that matter) to having a cuppa, it simply means that i am interested in getting to know more about that person. deep enough? too deep?

2

I always find it odd when someone uses female to mean woman. Male and female was originally only an adjective. Find my comment odd? Hey, I'm not good at communication.

Lukian Level 8 May 30, 2018
2

Geez. U r too far Way to meet for coffee?

Joanio Level 3 May 30, 2018
1

Well I think you have to be more specific of your intentions. Miscommunication is a big issue

I agree, I always am very clear that friendship must be established first.

1

Unless a long established platonic friendship regardless of gender, "coffee" is a date from my POV.
A lot of men are not very great communicators due to having been raised to repress feelings & "squish" emotions, so those types have made a lot of women feel they've got to put a detective hat on. Be grateful anyone cares, bothers to try to figure out what you really meant.

Qualia Level 8 May 30, 2018

That's the point. I say so up front. I do not repress feelings or emotions. I say what I mean and mean what I say, If I'm an exception ( I doubt it) being aggravated not grateful is where it seems to always end up. Try taking what I mean literally instead of what you think I meant.

3

Make friends first. And all women are different.

Dating is difficult for most people. I've been single for twenty years.

2

Do these women know that you are just in it for friendship? or are you sending mixed signals?

To be fair men and women aren't very good at hearing that, however clearly stated, when they're interested in someone.

You tell me. We have been chatting 1 day. When I'm interested in taking a leap or going to another level I have no problem saying so.

4

Strive for clarity and precision.
I do.

Exactly.

3

Two things: First, exploring the establishment of a relationship with a women includes finding out what the other means by the terms he or she uses. Our connotations and denotations can be quite different. Second, there are always cynical and untrusting people who are constantly looking for hidden meanings, hoping to find something to attack. It is their means of establishing control.

wordywalt Level 8 May 30, 2018
7

I'd have to say it is probably you and anyone else who has similar difficulties, because I've never had that trouble with any woman. Perhaps it is because I see them as fellow human beings first. I don't know.

@NotAndrew --What can I say? That's how I see it. Want me to make something up? As far as I can tell, it's a pretty straightforward deal and I'd have a hell of a time coming up with some philosophical bullshit.

@NotAndrew harsh

@NotAndrew -- Thank you.

@NotAndrew, i don't understand what's to judge "dickish" here. it's not exactly diplomacy, rather outspoken.

5

And sometimes communication occurs effortlessly with few or no words.

5

If the way you are communicating isn’t working you may want to change your aproucch... I say with kindness that if it happens repeatedly it could be you? Perhaps hold off on the sarcasm for a bit? It really doesn’t matter if you think you are in the right, you only get to controll your own behavior... and not everyone is compatable. People don’t want to read between the lines, that’s the stuff misunderstandings are made of.

6

Calling it a meeting rather than a date seems disingenuous and a bit demeaning. You don't consider these women date worthy? Honestly I'd write you off as a self important egotist for that alone.
I often find that folks who say they're having trouble communicating with a certain group of people mean that they can't find anyone who agrees with their biases against that group.

I'd say some self reflection is called for.

How would I know if they are date worthy until we meet. People make things up and lie on sites like this all the time. Disingenuous? Not when I give a clear message that I insist on moving slowly, establishing friendship first and determining if a chemistry is there. I sure can't do that texting. Neither can they Disingenuous? I it honest.

@Jinxsdad call it honest all you want. Women aren't going to see it that way. You asked what the problem was, I gave you an honest answer. Real talk, the way your behaviour is read by myself and others who've commented on this thread, I suspect you're running off most women with any common sense then feeling perplexed as to why all you're left with is the ones with boundary and personality issues.

@Blindbird I'm unsure where you read I was soliciting advice with my "problem". First and foremost you over generalize. I said I chatted with a few women on here and you assume I said all women I talk with. Precisely what I'm talking about. I was clearly just venting. I can see that with all your vast experience and assumptions (you know what that is) you just read between the lines trying to boil it down too pseudo psycho babble. Thank you Dr. Blindbird

@Jinxsdad yah. Hows that working for ya?

@KissedbySun Kinda the point I was trying to say.

3

Womens brains are just wired a little different. If you want to date someone who thinks like you, you could go gay. But then you'd have to deal with men...............There's just no easy answers when it comes to relationships......

Dhiltong Level 7 May 30, 2018

smile002.gif how would YOU know about the wiring of women?

Go gay? Excuse me sir, No offense but as the father of a gay 26 year old man. He is as all man as you or I. He just likes sex with men instead of women. He is not wired like a some women nor are many gay men. I think you have confused gay with Transexual. Trans are not gay either. Their brains are hormone opposite. I thought like you until my son came out and had the patience to educate me. I raised him all boy. Sports, fishing, self defense, all man things. He still likes sex with men.

@Jinxsdad It’s all good, but you my have took my comment a little wrong. I have close friends that are gay and at least with them they approach sex much more like hetro men than women.

6

AH, this will always happen. For example: If you agree to meet me in Real Life after meeting me on a dating site, whether for coffee or wine or just a walk in the park - it's a date. If, though, we never talked before on a dating site, and meet randomly in a coffee shop and strike up a conversation, that is a chance meeting that might turn into something else but is not technically a date.

It's definitely context - I agree with you. smile001.gif Good luck!

poetdi56 Level 7 May 30, 2018

Clear and concise. Thank you.

3

You cannot control other people's perceptions. All you can do is try to be as honest and clear as you are capable of.

Some people deliberately perceive everything through their own agendas.
You can't control that. As soon as you recognize it, run away.

KKGator Level 9 May 30, 2018

Not necessarily run. As stated - it is context. No one can control another's perspective, agreed! Knowledge is power. smile001.gif

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