Coming home from the car boot market at noon, at which point i'm slobbering for my brekkie, the landlady is calling out from the back deck the second i enter the house, wanting to introduce me to her son. i tell her "not now, breakfast first", then - sensing a charge in the atmosphere that weighs on my empty stomach - decide to clear the air & the situation once & for all (the woman has been doing this since 25 days, when i moved in: ignoring boundaries, taking over my life).
so here we go. i join her & the young man on the deck, & ask her, if she ever needs to talk to me, to arrange a time beforehand, due to me having a life & it not always being convenient to drop everything in order to attend to her. she was like "ok, from now on i'll make a proper appointment should i ever need 5 minutes of your time". it took me but a few seconds to decide that i wouldn't let her sarcasm slip any more, which i told her ... !!! i suggested being level & kind with each other, without the practice of immature sneering. i also pointed out to her that over this, my life i am actually the authority, & i'd like to maintain it that way.
on his way out a while later her son did compliment me on "having stood up to her. not many people i know do it."
i feel 20 feet (6 meter) tall. ... & the atmosphere is clearly lighter.
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22 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.yes! don't always step so lightly.
hankster
Level 9
June 3, 2018
6
but that is part of the exercise: not to arm myself in my vulnerability, yet stand strong. just recently i began to understand the empowerment of saying "this hurts me".
@walklightly that's a remarkable skill to develop.... very wise.... it seems that restoring balance is often painful.
@hankster, that may well be, yet i find nothing as agonizingly painful - even just to look at! - as a long drawn out life of self-denial, silent suffering & resentment - as i have seen in my mother. the heart wants airing!
@walklightly truly a sad living. then fly that heart like a kite.
@hankster, onwards & upwards!
I've always believed, and told my children, that people act as badly as you let them. And if you have to actually address said bad behavior...they are probably not the kind of person you want to have in your life. Good job in standing up for yourself. Sometimes that's very hard to do.
Freespirit64
Level 8
June 3, 2018
5
it felt natural at the moment. i have to let go of the fear to get kicked out again.
haha, go you. You snapped a victory from the jaws of a potential problem.
Rugglesby
Level 8
June 3, 2018
5
& felt totally calm with it.
Good on you!!!
Charlene
Level 9
June 3, 2018
4
thanks!
@walklightly yw hun!
Big pat on back. I did this once to a domineering board member who bull dozed her way around. I said "No" quietly and firmly for a full half hour to one of her nutjob ideas. She finally gave up and never tried to push her agenda on me again.
Tilia
Level 7
June 3, 2018
4
brava!
@walklightly ?
Brilliant
LeighShelton
Level 8
June 3, 2018
4
thanks, Leigh.
@walklightly your welcome x
Highly commendable. Confronting a bully is always the right thing to do, never easy, and guaranteed to boost your self-esteem and personal confidence. Also, it sounds like you were a very positive role model for the boy, who I bet now realizes that he has that inside of him too, if he wants to go for it.
zeuser
Level 9
June 3, 2018
3
thank you. yes, the whole situation should have been recorded as an example "how to.."
no one yelled, there was reasoning, listening, relief.
Just 2 questions. What's a "car boot", and what's a brekkie?
Eazyduzzit
Level 7
June 3, 2018
3
This is not my post but I can answer your questions. 'car boot' is the trunk of a car and 'brekkie' is short for breakfast. hee hee and there are lots more where they came from.
@patchoullijulie Such as being in "good kit", not bringing something to the "skip" due to old age or worn status. Now if something is "knackered" (sp?), there may be no hope for it. I've been watching too many British shows on Netflix! 
@I_dont_know I had to stop using knackered because everyone thought I was saying naked lol
@patchoullijulie ROFLMAO!!!!
@patchoullijulie, thanks, you got it 
Sometimes you got to spell it out to people. I'm a private person so bug off...lol.
BucketlistBob
Level 8
June 3, 2018
3
yes, i'm very private too - didn't move here for family entanglement.
No matter ho cute he is don't ever let that be your M.IL.
BufftonBeotch
Level 8
June 3, 2018
2
no worries, at a pinch he could be my grandson
Logical and reasonable response to an illogical and unreasonable person, expect to need to reinforce this several more times before it starts to take hold in her consciousness. I hate renting because too many landlords feel that tenants are chattels for their amusement instead of a party they have entered into a business relationship with.
Well played but do not drop your guard for a second until this has played itself out to the bitter end.
Surfpirate
Level 9
June 3, 2018
2
i'll just make sure that there won't be a bitter end - my responsibility. but, yes, the exercise will have to be repeated until it sinks in effectively: tenants are paying for service & rights.
@walklightly I've been a landlord and a tenant, being a tenant sucks but being a landlord sucks even more.
At this time I have a health issue that requires visits to M.D.'s, Physician Assistants, etc. So my sister, control freak that she is, questions me about having a man take me to a procedure in case I "need help walking to my door". I had told her that I didn't need her son to drive me to a medical procedure, a friend had volunteered and I didn't say male or female friend! Previously, she had sent a text stating she didn't really believe "my" diagnosis of my illness. Then she calls one day and leaves a message on my answering system asking if I had an appointment that day. Does she wait to hear from me? Why would she do that? In a couple of hours she calls back and asks the same question as if I am obligated to inform her of every move I make due to her paying my bills (sarcasm, no she isn't!). I know what you mean! There are people in this world that think they know better than everyone else what everyone else needs to do to make this world better. They can take their control issue, roll it into a ball and properly shove it up their F'ng asses!! "Well done", I say to you!!!!
I_dont_know
Level 7
June 3, 2018
2
thank you, I_dont_know, you could tell your sis something similar, like: "don't worry about me, that'd be my job, & i don't. your anxiety just triggers mine."
@walklightly Yes, she is concerned about my health. AND, she is a control freak!! Her son recently sent a text that I should send some love to my sister, his mom, "she's concerned about you." Notice, how she didn't address the issue with me. She talks behind my back to her son. Her part of the family has done this before, they aren't mature enough to address the issue with me, they talk about me behind my back. Anyway, her son can continue to update her about my condition. If she can't show concern for me without being controlling, I'd rather not deal with her. Thank you for your perspective!!
@I_dont_know, i'd be the same. before bending to the needs of a "well-meaning" person with boundary issues i'd rather enjoy my own solitary company. ultimately everything we humans ever do is of self-(pre)serving nature.
Good for you! I bet that does feel good!
Presley1209
Level 7
June 3, 2018
3
it sure did!
Very cool. I wish I could be that assertive and in control in that kind of situation. 
patchoullijulie
Level 8
June 3, 2018
2
i reckon everyone can. usually i am rather timid - gentle, to use a nicer word - but i began to notice my anxiety mounting every time i heard or saw her. i can only ignore myself so far.
@walklightly I totally get that. Learning to manage that anxiety is the key.
@patchoullijulie, & often it just means getting control freaks & worriers off my back, because they are the ones that trigger my anxiety.
@walklightly I always hated coming home to more anxiety than I had left behind me.
@hankster, exactly! my home is (supposed to be) my refuge from an increasingly disturbed world.
@walklightly it sounds to me like that home is under construction. sounds like you built a good wall with a proper door.
@hankster, & didn't even hit my thumb once
It took courage and it paid off. Good for you !
VAL3941
Level 8
June 3, 2018
2
thanks
Awesome. Narcissists are difficult
Babyseal
Level 6
June 3, 2018
1
yep, but i'm training her.
Walk lightly, but carry a big stick.
EdEarl
Level 8
June 4, 2018
1
to ...what? dig for witchetty grubs?
@walklightly Presiden Teddy Roosevelt said "Speak softly and carry a big stick." It was a slogan he used to describe his foreign policy. Your story reminded me of it, and your handle seemed to fit. I meant it as a compliment for bravery, which he was and you are.
@EdEarl, thanks for illuminating me on the sticky issue; i didn't know of the roosevelt anecdote. but it resonates with me
Well done. Taken the risk to stand up for yourself against your landlady, could have cost you your place to live, but, as it should, cleared the atmosphere. Respect to you1
Gert
Level 7
June 5, 2018
1
thank you, dear friend.
Some people are unable to read body language and understand the more subtle aspects of human communication. It's just the way they are.
It could be she sits somewhere on a spectrum disorder like aspergers.
Introducing you to her son sounds like a friendly gesture. She just didn't realise how hungry you were.
Ellatynemouth
Level 8
June 3, 2018
0
it doesn't really matter to me where on which kind of spectrum the woman sits; she makes excess money from a basic need of mine. she claims to pay the bills, when in fact we, her tenants, getting overcharged by about 50%, are not only paying the bills, but her travels as well. she is trying to reel me into her personal life in order to gain a controlling foothold. she is not into considering anyone but herself. she is an unpleasant presence that i will avoid at the possible cost of having to move again.
She's a capitalist, like every other landlord.
I hope you find a better solution. I would not be happy living in your situation.
@Ellatynemouth, you got that right: i'm anything but happy here. ah, the gypsy life!
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