I wish I could help but the truth of the matter is, can't even get a date myself

Perhaps if you don't love and respect yourself you will accept someone who doesn't either. I too have a tendency to overlook red flags in relationships only to regret it later. The psychology behind that is we continue to make the same mistakes and bad choices over and and over again, because we are subconsciously trying to heal past wounds.

"We accept the love we think we deserve" is an example of blaming the victim.

The only truth in it is people tend to be attracted to what is familiar. "I married my mother," I have heard countless times.

We can learn and grow.

People always just have to have some "cool" vapid sound byte saying. They aren't worth much more than the paper they are printed on most of the time. Plus, if you felt you deserved what you got, you wouldn't have left.

Being that romantic love is a shared experience (at least it's supposed to be anyway), it is conditional, so I agree with you on that.

Beware platitudes. They work...until they don't.

They might work for 99.9% of people...who have never had the specific experience you've had, and therefore fail to conceive of the very possibility of a scenario which invalidates the nugget o' wisdom in question.

I've had a few exceedingly uncommon and effectively inconceivable experiences in my life. I've seen many platitudes fall flat from the pressure of my uniquely informed perspective. I see them get torn to shreds on social media repeatedly by others who have undergone similar arcs.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Yeah, say that to someone with PTSD and report back.

Platitudes for me are the candy of the mind: may taste good, and are good for a lark, but there's very little nutrition there, and too much reliance upon them will rot your brain.

TL;DR: Don't feel bad for not taking platitudes seriously. I don't, and I don't.

Love is an action word...another cliche but this is what I based my relationships on. It's like a bank account too...what you put in , you suppose get back. Be careful who you allow access....your bank account in irresponsible hands can leave you broke.

I agree. It sounds like simplistic Oprah Winfrey bollocks.

Sorry that it offended you but sadly that person was correct and only through therapy can an abused and battered woman come to term. I was a psychiatric RN and worked specifically with abused women and children. The issues are complex but simply 1)”I can change him”-nope,2) he’ll realize he needs me- nope,3) I have such low esteem I deserve him; giant rational, 4) “ I can’t leave him”,” or I’m trapped: excuses, 5) women who remain in such relationships have a significantly high chance of being killed by that monster... the same one who tells you he loves yet is incapable, he treats in a dehumanizing manner which makes violence against women easier. These “ men” are sociopaths or psychopaths and are impervious to therapy or marriage counseling. The only way is stay away, stay out, if your on a date and he evidenced the slightly aggressiveness..... follow your gut and remember other experiences

It’s clear to me that the crimes that were perpetrated against you weren’t expressions of love. Love is love. DV is DV. Separate the two conceptually, just like you might separate any two other things that bear no relationship ro each other.

Love is a complicated emotion because in its “romantic” or traditional sense it’s accompanied by the illusion that lovers are spiritually or emotionally a single entity. This is hard to do for anyone who has any common sense. For this reason, common sense should guide us to define love and to try to find it within the real of the possible, and not to pursue a mirage. To be loved and to love, we should be ready to welcome a person who supports us, who feels good next to us, who adds to us, and who is open to hearing us and to being there for us.

It’s clear to me that the crimes that were perpetrated against you weren’t expressions of love. Love is love. DV is DV. Separate the two conceptually, just like you might separate any two other things that bear no relationship ro each other.

Love is a complicated emotion because in its “romantic” or traditional sense it’s accompanied by the illusion that lovers are spiritually or emotionally a single entity. This is hard to do for anyone who has any common sense. For this reason, common sense should guide us to define love and to try to find it within the real of the possible, and not to pursue a mirage. To be loved and to love, we should be ready to welcome a person who supports us, who feels good next to us, who adds to us, and who is open to hearing us and to being there for us.

'Deserve' is definitely the wrong word but I read that statement and think about how my bad patterns of behavior and fucked up thinking have helped me make really bad choices.

I feel that I have found the unconditional love that was denied me by seriously mentally unwell parents - i left home at 15 years old looking for that love and I found it in many different places and in many different ways - Now 70, and loved indeed. I think the biggest part of the process is believing that it is real and not some sort of ploy or trap.

I think you are possibly the embodiment of what the quote is trying to say. You believed you deserved better and therefore moved on. Many who suffer with DV stay because their self esteem is so low they don't believe they deserve any better.

That said, we need to help those in such situations realize they DO NOT have to accept it and they do deserve better.

DV sure isnt love. That is just a weird statement, oversimplifiying in a Reader's Digest Condensed Novel way of looking at a complicated subject

That bit of "wisdom" is for those with choices and is shallow and mean spirited for those who deserve better but are stuck out of circumstance. Sometimes there are no choices, and when you stand up to the treatment you are receiving, it can backfire and get worse.

While this bit of shallow advice is well meaning, it can be felt as an uncaring insult. It angers me when I see it, too, for the depressing quality of it. Sounds like a statement that people parrot after seeing it in a meme. Doesn't matter the "spirit" in which it was intended. The statement can hurt. Love can be more complicated than that.

Take care of yourself. I worked in the DV movement for 15 years. It is not easy and there is a lot of victim blaming.

The way I see the quote, it looks like more of that 'you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself' bullshit. If you have low self-worth, you won't think you deserve proper love from other people and thus will attract and accept abuse. Oysh. ?. More victim blaming.

I too do not agree in the concept of unconditional love. All love is conditional. Even the love of a parent to a child. If that child grows up to be abusive to a parent, hatred can develop. A person loves another on condition that they will be treated in a manner that continues to encourage love. Love is earned. Just as hatred is. Also, I think the quote means that a person decides to accept their own good or bad treatment. A person who is abused and has the courage and realization that they can leave, makes the decision regarding what they "deserve". We control our lives. Period.

What is 2 x dv?