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Divorce and kids

I have 2 young children and recently divorced. She has moved on and I’m just thinking about it. Any advice?

LCLC 3 June 22
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11 comments

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1

You need to move on as well, as hard as it is. If you share custody, make sure your children are your focus. Do not let anyone separate you from your children, as they are innocent victims of divorce.

2

Same thing happened to me - children of 3 years and 4 years old - they are now 49 and 50 and I am 70 - so something went all right - Yes there is life after divorce - I count myself lucky as I had an interesting life and my children and grandchildren are amazing .

jacpod Level 8 June 22, 2018
1

Hugs it hurts such a lot. You just have to breathe, eat well, drink plenty of water and sleep. It took 18 months for him to leave my heart but he did. Now I can wish him well and hope for my own future. My heartfelt good wishes go with you

Amisja Level 8 June 22, 2018
0

Hi, LCLC, and welcome to the website,

Sorry about your divorce. That's always rough and recovery can take time.

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2

Yes. I did the same thing with two daughters and it is difficult being the one on the outside but remember the children grow up and then your connection is so much better. So my advice is do not bad mouth the mother , nor ever paint a bad picture. You and the kids will both mature and that is the target.

EMC2 Level 8 June 22, 2018
2

Be there for your kids & don't trash talk the ex. Guessing the kids live with her, so they're likely to be defensive of her, so it won't matter if your statements are accurate or not if they're negative toward their protector - once you're outside, you're no longer the protector. Move on, but not far (says the guy who was half a world away from his kids when they were growing up).

4

i agree with country woman they need both of you and the way you treat their mom especially now teaches them how to treat women for life remember her bday and mothers day and help them choose a gift for her

hard as it may be don't bash her no matter how she pushes divorce is hard and being friends or co parenting can be a challenge but think of your babies current and future you can set the tone of their lives

try not to have revolving partners don't introduce them until that person is a keeper

2

Children first.....except in America. But I digress. Never speak ill of mom. You had children. You are responsible for them first & foremost. You must be a guide thru their life. But you must move on & explain when they ask in as carefully chosen words as possible. Each child will need one on one time. Dad is a very important part of a child's life. Teach them well. Protect them & teach them to protect themselves. Especially the girls. Never make them feel unimportant especially to you. And don't lock them up in cages as we do in America.

2

Three kids by two different marriages. Joint custody, lots of back and forth visitations, no fighting, no bad mouthing the ex, agreement with ex on discipline when the teenage years hit (firm and consistent from both parents). Now all good jobs, college degrees, families, etc. Could not ask for better situation. But it takes a lot of work.

4

I was divorced in 2003 with an 11, 9, and 3 year old. My youngest just graduated high school a couple of weeks ago. The most important advice I would give is to never use the kids as leverage against your ex. Also, never talk negatively about your ex in front of the kids. With yours being young, it may affect them differently. As of today my son (the 11 year old) does not have a relationship with either his mom or myself.

3

A lot will depend on the custody and care arrangements for the children. I has the children, tried to start new relationships, bit in teh end just concentrated on parenting. I should point out that my kids were not a problem for any relationship, they were very friendly and accepting of the ladies I dated, and in fact almost 20 years later they are still in touch with those ladies, as am I. But blended families were just a complication too many.

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