Close your eyes if you don't like (mildly) dirty jokes.
So in my former post, "How will you be spending New Years Eve?", I asked you all what you'll be doing for New Years Eve. I mentioned that I wanted a joke to tell my hubby on New Years.
A friend sent me a good one. Said, I could share it with you. Here it is:
A novice nun decides to take a walk around the covenant. At the rear of the covenant, she notices two sisters huddled in a corner. They appear to be smoking cigarettes. Shocked she exclaims "if the reverend mother catches you, you'll be in serious trouble." She quickly calms down and asks the two sisters what they do with their cigarette butts.
The elder nun reaches into her pocket and produces a packet of condoms. She opens one and places the cigarette butts in it and ties it in a knot. The other nun explains "when we go into the community we will find a trashcan and dump the butts into it. That way there is no more evidence."
The novice nun thought this was a rather clever way to get rid of the evidence. It was not long before she joins the other two nuns at the rear of the covenant. One day, she went to the pharmacy.
The pharmacist asked her if he could be of assistance. The novice nun asked to buy some condoms. The pharmacist blushed, quickly regained his composure and asked her what size she'd like to buy. She asked what sizes were available. The pharmacist said "we have regular, large, extra large, and big liar size." The nun replied, "do you have any that would fit a Camel?"
Another little bit of fun you can try is Superglue a coin, in Australia we use a Dollar coin btw, but something of reasonable value, to the concrete path outside your house where you can see it easily then sit back with a coffee and watch the antics as passers by try to pick it up. OR,
Get an old wallet/purse, cut off a section of a banknote showing the value of the note, glue the section firmly into the wallet/purse with the value corner showing clearly, attach, firmly fix a good length of clear fishing line to the wallet/purse then place it outside the front gate or door.
When a passer-by stoops to pick it, quickly wind the wallet/purse back out of reach, the reactions/expressions are almost priceless to say the least.
Try this one at your New Years Party or any party for that matter.
Get a large roll of Cling Film/Cling Wrap, lift up the toilet seat and stretch the cling wrap firmly over the toilet pan top making sure it stay firmly in place and with NO visible creases or crinkles, etc, then lower the seat back down ( removing the light bulb is optional also btw, then just sit back and wait until the next guest uses the toilet. You will get quite a laugh from the results.