Yes, I also thought that was an odd question. Of course sexual compatibility would be important, whether the couple was in agreement that never or frequent is best. But then I thought maybe the question is geared toward matching up answers to related data collected such as gender identity and sexual preferences, as well as goals for who you'd like to meet, friends, dating or hookups, etc.

Maybe the question should be more like "how important is intimacy to you" or "are you seeking an intimate partner, intellectual mate, friend, companion or some/all of the above?" I would think that every relationship is different and sexual appetite might depend on what is being served. So degree or frequency would depend on the chemistry between the partners.

I think compatibility is purposefully vague because what is compatible for one person might not be the same for another and part of the relationship process is to figure that out. If there is no chemistry, why bother going any further by asking if your date is into bondage, anal sex, or whatever. Drive has nothing to do with compatible interests, but you are correct, frequency can be an issue. Sex once a week might be acceptable to some; sex three times a day for others. Interesting question you pose...

Has anyone actually answered that question with a no? I'd like to hear the reasons behind it. Curious minds would like to know.

Is sexual chemistry's important to you?
How important is sex to you in a relationship.

Just want to say, very well written, and intuitive. Maybe you should write these things.

You have to understand methods of thinking for this. Imagine a woman naked and drunk high on a balcony and a man sees her. Immediately he calls his friends over and says "look at this." They all smile and are happy.

Now switch that scene and it is a naked man drunk high on the balcony. The woman that called the police told them "it was just awful and I could hardly look." She was in tears as she talked to them.

Apply this to sexual compatibility.

Any question asked would be too broad to get at the issue. Sex drive is just one factor in sexual compatibility, so I think that asking about sexual compatibility overall is a better question than just asking about sex drive

Why not find out by trial and error? Don't make babies and don't spread disease, of course. For everything else, there are sensiblle solutions.

After 39 years of marriage sexual incompatibility was a huge ticking time bomb. It exploded recently and the damage was horrendous.

After two marriages, I don't know what I value more, friendship without sex, or sex without friendship. I don't believe I'm long term relation material, based on the history. I guess the things that are important to me in life are often not shared, and that's alright. But it does mean that I'm not going to invest in love anymore, or even believe in it, but I will and do in friendship. Compatible friends. I can care less if we are sexually compatible. I rather have a long term friend, with or without a sexual relationship. I can live to be a 100 without ever having sex again and still have a good life. I would not make this without people in my life whom I care about, that I enjoy connecting to and hang out with.

That would be a more useful question.

One of the few things I liked about OK Cupid was the various questions that you could read (if people answered them, anyway) and see if a potential match was into similar things. Assuming they were honest, anyway. And the people who didn't answer any of them... I tended to avoid, because I'm not shy about those questions. Not after the first date anyway.

Hell, I met my first girlfriend at an Xmas party by asking, in a bored moment, "So.... you into leather?" By the end of the party we were necking on the sofa. So, yeah, not shy about those questions.

I think you have stated the issue quite adroitly. I concur, the question is the compatibility of the sexual drive for each individual in the relationship.

Compatibility and drive can be two different topics completely. Drive doesn't have much to do with proclivities.Why not ask both?

I took it as are you on the same page sexually. Like are you into threesomes but your partner is not? That is something that needs to be discussed early in the relationship so no one is surprised years later when you find out that it never was an option.

I concur

I wonder how I stayed with someone for 20yrs without compatibility. Feel like I’ve wasted a large part of my life but then, I do have great kids from it I suppose.

I look at it as part of my trifecta: physical compatibility. Not only sex, but also activity. Sex is important, but it’s not the only thing.

I like the suggestion below. Is sex and sexuality an important issue for you? Answers: Often, Sometimes or Never.

I suspect most relationships have some sort of compromise in this area, and for the ones that don't, most of THEM probably have severe deficits in other areas.

Also: our DNA has this strange bird-call, up from the cellular, to the amygdala pushing behavior modifiers into our brains. This stuff is hard-coded, and requires a lot of effort to be user-modified (you can work out, but you can't get taller).

When two partners have similar drives it makes life very fulfilling and beautiful between two adults. I love that Dan and I are evenly matched.

For me it's critical to a good relationship

I think sexual compatibility works. It has a broad description made of of many factors so while it isn't specific it still is applicable. Unfortunately the only way to know whether you have that with someone is by doing it. I think it is a pretty critical component of a relationship. If that part works well alot of other problems are not very important, therefore, being easier to resolve or ignore completely.

We are all adults here. Maybe even getting the word intimacy listed somehow which is on another level of Physical Connection.

Its not about the drive it's about one or both individuals compromising on their attraction level to their partner for the sake of actually maintaining a relationship, if sex is an important part of there life you simply shouldn't compromise in that area too much or things get stale and resentful real quick, but obviously.that isn't true for everyone but it's an observation I've made of others and of my own experiences, there has to be a certain level of attraction maintained as well as emotional dependancy, with those two parts in place, the individuals libido likely won't be an issue, the issue is whether you should have gotten together in the first place, so it really nullifies the whole term of sexual compatibility if you both share a real attraction for each other and are being honest with yourself and not just in it to avoid being lonely

I agree. The question "Is sexual compatibility important to you?" is pretty vague.~

I think you've thought it through about right.