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Complaining.

Are you conscious of how often you complain and do you actively work to complain less?

How does it feel when you’re around people who complain excessively?

I have a lot to complain about, legitimate tragedy and corruption directly related to my being disabled, and all the hardship that comes with that.
I talk about it, but I think I’m pretty conscious about not flooding my friends and peer circles with it.
I’m steadily trying to distract myself with the more positive aspects of life.
I consciously look for that which feels good to focus on, and I try to maintain some sort of balance.

It’s difficult for me to be in the company of people who habitually talk/write about menial struggles, issues that have solutions, though I recognize it’s all relative.

AMGT 8 July 9
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28 comments

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0

I can absolutely relate!
I have had daily struggles for most of my life. I am a chronic pain sufferer and I've caught myself complaining on tougher days, but daily, I don't think I complain much.
I'm even a little annoyed when friends, who know I suffer, keep asking me how I am. I'll tell ya how I'm feeling, but I would prefer to just get on with what's important. How I'm feeling isn't really going to get better, and certainly not by talking or complaining about it.
I work with a complainer, and he annoys the crap out of me!

scurry Level 9 July 10, 2018

@AMGT Holy Crap!! I had no idea. I'm So Beyond Sorry!!!! I can't imagine anything worse. I'm so so sorry. I can't even begin to understand what you went through. Faakk!!
It's pretty awesome that you're the go-to mom. That absolutely says something about you. It takes a lot to be able to relate to others - more so others from a different generation. Sounds like your son's friend knows she's lucky to have you.
Hugs to you!!

1

I have a lot of compassion for complainers, having been one myself. Usually people who complain are overwhelmed by lots of fears and things that are not in their control. I've been able to let go and focus on the things that are important and try not to worry about the little things. A lot of things I've come to understand have their own way of working out.

You sound like a nice person.

@Carin I try. Not always.

8

the constant complainer can add me to the list of things to complain about because I'll get tired of listening pretty quick. someone who talks about difficulties is one thing, someone who whines about the trivial is another. ??

I might go out and complain about some complainers to thier face. if it works I won't have to listen to them complain anymore.

0

If I can do it without demeaning a person, I like trying to lighten the mood if possible.

You'd be surprised how often, "Oh, give the baby his bottle!" is the proper response.

If a person just needs a healthy vent, I'm fine with that. If they insist on you being a part of that drama, not so much.

I like to add following my tales of woe, no matter how trivial, "No one in the entire history of humanity has ever suffered as much as I have." 😉

0

For me it's balance. If they are working to find a solution and they are just venting frustrations, then ok, but if they are just complaining to get attention, then naw, it's a mess and I cannot handle that.

0

I would like to think that I am conscious, however that's for everyone else to say

2

Oh yes, I am well aware of the amount I complain. Not making any effort to stop it. Its one of my hobbies. As my wife says "I wouldn't be happy if I had nothing to complain about"

Me too. One of my few pleasures in life.

6

I'm not a complainer. And I don't have much appetite for a ton of somebody else's. There's just more interesting stuff to talk about.

skado Level 9 July 9, 2018
4

My daughter taught me to try to look at some positive aspect of any situation. It's not easy, and it doesn't always work, but it's energy invested into something other than complaining. People who always complain tend to blame everyone for their problems and not consider their own part in the path to resolution. People who think like that are never happy. And I do try to steer clear of them. Good on you for looking for the positive in the face of adversity. Not easy. Highly commendable.

3

Yes, I consciously don't complain (too often). And it's no fun being around a complainer.

0

I try not to complain but sometimes a subject comes up and I then have to give an explanation that sounds very much like complaining.
It all starts when someone asks me what I do for a living.

0

Nobody likes being around someone who complains all the time. I try to never complain, even though I have legitimate reasons to. I try my best to make the world a better place, and I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining.

4
1

I try to only complain when it can directly affect a future outcome. For example, I am getting shitty service or I don't like what my elected officials are doing. Any other complaining is disempowering not only to you, but the others around you. I have people like this if at all possible.

0

Complaining feels like wasted effort unless it's meant as feedback for someone or something.

2

I probably complain more than I recognize. Hell, I work with a guy that complains about everything constantly, so relative to him, my own complaining is minuscule. However, that situation may cloud my own interpretation of any complaining that I may or may not actually do. For example, my level of complaining may be greater than 10 randoms of this site complaining, but I may not recognize that due to the lack of exposure.

0

To me complaining uses negative energy to produce even more negative energy. Instead of contributing to bettering a situation, it only makes it worse - no matter what has happened to someone. And there are very few people who escape hardships and difficulties in their lives. Pretty much a human condition.
It also brings anyone around the complainer down. For those that complain often, their health can be effected, as well as healing after an injury.

I simply see no good coming from it ...

2

I seldom complain. When I find something distasteful or troublesome enough, I say so, along with the grounds for the statement. That is not a complaint, but an assertion and a search for a solution for the distasteful event or act. I don't complain. I try to cvorrect the problem or leave the situation.

1

I rarely complain because nobody is interested.

1

I complain a lot about people that complain a lot. Aren't they just the worst?

2

It is hard to hear because we absorb the complainers negativity but everyone does it from time to time. if you are open to hearing someone trying to help you by lifting the mood or presenting some bright side, then it is easier to deal with. some complainers never want to hear a bright side. those are the worst to be around. i try to be someone i wouldnt mind having to listen to.

0

Very random. No matter what the subject I tend to either hyper focus on it or flit from on thing to another. If the people I am chatting with are complaining... I might be too. Or I might be pointing out a positive or total different way to look at it. I love to debate on things too. I am very animated when I talk and I can get rather goofy. But I am quite sure that my mood for the moment or the atmosphere reflect on my conversation. I get the feeling most people who know me are confused by me or just plain freaked out by me. I feel like they want to place me in a box or catagory but the don't have the right size or the right words to label it.

But when I was going through a really bad patch in my life.... I could not stop complaining. I felt like I was drowning in my issues. And a lot of so called friends just could not handle it. I have always been there for my friends and helped most out even when it did not benefit me and sometimes to the point of being harmful to me in some way. Since then I have pretty much become a hermit and only socialize randomly and superficially with most of my friends and family. There are only a very select few people I would even consider bending over backwards for these days and one being my daughter. As for the rest of the people I know, the amount I tend to interact with them varies greatly compared to my "all in" attitude I used to have in the past. Now I usually tend to do my socializing online. It is easier to avoid drama that way. I find it easier to leave a chat then walk away physically. I also find it easier to be supportive, helpful, reasonable, level headed, and neutral without being dragged in virtually as opposed to in person.

I think I expanded too much on your question.....

DeiP Level 5 July 9, 2018
1

Sometimes people complain about little things maybe bc it feels safer or just where their focus is at that moment. anyway, lots of star outside tonight 🙂

0

I am not big on complaining. If someone has legitimate complaints or is just annoyed and is venting that’s fine. But if they are constant(my head hurts, my back hurts, I’m tired - periodic complaints) my opinion is that they are looking for attention.

jab60 Level 6 July 10, 2018
1

I think this is the key. Understanding how pain is relative frames the narrative and makes it easier to digest.

The problems start however, when some people, who instead of wanting better for themselves, insist on everyone else suffering more. Those types are easy to spot.

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