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Anyone ever get the feeling you're going to be forever alone?

I often get the feeling that if 'it' were going to happen for me it would have done so by now. I'm beginning to think I'm not ever going to get to be in love and its depressing as hell, frankly.

SkepChik 5 Jan 4

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44 comments

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5

Are you putting yourself out there? Do you love yourself? Ask yourself those questions.

I agree and have been told "to love yourself" more... I understand the general idea, and certainly "like myself"- but I wonder what is it you feel inside to really love yourself?

18

I would rather be alone for the rest of my natural life than do what so many people do: settle for someone just so they have a partner. That's a sad life, in my opinion.

Mine is - I'd rather be alone with me than alone with someone else.

silverotter11...EXACTLY!

2

anything is possible. Lonliness and depression are very difficult to deal with and can lead to self fulfilling negative thoughts.THese are the kind of feelings that make me sometimes wish I could believe in a caring god.Make sure you get out, make eye contact smile and greet people. Strike up conversations in check out lines, the aisle of the grocery store wherever. YOu never know who you will cross paths with and where. There is a lot of action on this board to break up locked in thinking!

@SkepChik mine can be too. my animals are apartial remedy

8

Some of the very best couples I know met and married for the first time in their late thirties or forties. In each case, they were living their individual lives really well AND were not tied to the wrong person when that special one finally came along. You are coming into a wonderful age for making such connections. Don't count yourself out.

Zster Level 8 Jan 4, 2018
5

I do understand where you are coming from. After my last divorce (a marriage of 15 years) I wasn't ready, to be with anyone, and I threw myself into completing the upbringing of my teenaged children alone.
After that, as the children left home I found that I had become lonely.
Retirement brought me to a strange little town near my children, where the people who seem to be like-minded are much younger than I, and those within my age group as stuck in their tradition, for good or bad.
My children are leading their own lives now, and I do love my own company, and I keep myself occupied, but I still often find myself feeling lonely.
Winter has set in. folks are staying in, and it would be nice to have someone on these 8F degree evenings to snuggle under my comforter with and share hot cocoa, a nice fire, and a long conversation.

Donna Level 6 Jan 4, 2018

The best snuggler I ever had was my recently deceased kitty companion of 18 years. The local no-kill shelter has PLENTY of needy kitties who would gladly share your comforter and fire and even a little conversation...but not your cocoa. Hang in there!

I absolutely LOVE kitties! I struggle with mobility issues through, and kitties tend to get underfoot. It would be dangerous for us both. I have grand-kittens that I spoil, and enjoy immensely, but they do not come home with me.

The kitten in the photo is a shelter kitten. I do enjoy the company of cats, but that still doesn't take the place of human contact.

9

I'm really okay with the concept. I like my own company and am extremely reluctant to put up with anyone else's bullshit. Besides, I really don't think "love" lasts forever. Sure, there are exceptions, but we hardly ever end up with who we start out with. Companionship can be found elsewhere. Friends always outlast lovers.

The best is when you can move from being lovers to good friends. Happened once for me and I am grateful. Soemhow I 'knew' in my teens I might never marry. Gave it a couple of good tries and thank my lucky stars I did NOT marry either one. I'd rather be alone with me than alone with someone else.

1

You are so not alone in that. I wonder the same thing. And yes its is very depressing. I don't even know what to say. It really resonates with me. I am strange by any measurement. It really makes me wonder....

0

You are so not alone in that. I wonder the same thing. And yes its is very depressing. I don't even know what to say. It really resonates with me. I am strange by any measurement. It really makes me wonder....

2

I've seen some very good long term relationships. I have seen more dysfunctional ones. Maybe you will end up in a good one, maybe not. I saw a post once though that I felt had a lot of truth in it. There is nothing more powerful than being okay alone with yourself. Also, I believe that in general we have an internal level of happiness. We believe that changes in our life will dramatically change this internal level of happiness. At first it does, but we eventually go back to our regular state of mind. I probably could have explained that better.

3

When you meet someone who shares some of your values and realistic expectations then the question may never arise again, trust it happens soon for you.

0

It's in the nature of being a being to be the only one in your skin.

1

I fell in love when I was 19 Married. I was the apple of his eye until a peach came walking by. I fell in love again when I was 35, then again when I was 55.. It's out there, don't give up!

7

Do not get in a relationship because you are afraid of being alone. One can be in a relationship and still be alone. I would rather be alone, than be in a bad relationship. I have not been in a relationship for over five years, and I am happy with my life. If and when I find the right woman, she will have to be able to add substance to my life as I add substance to hers. I am not lonely or depress because I am not in a relationship. Learn to be happy with who you are. When the right person comes along, that person will make your life better. When I meet a woman nowadays, I am more careful, and I take my time to get to know her. So far I have not met he right woman, and I am able to disqualify the ones that are not right for me a lot faster now, Hang in there and do not settle for just anyone. You will find the right one.

0

I know how that feels. I'm pretty much resigned to the likelihood that I'll remain alone for the rest of my life. I'm not happy about it but I've more or less gotten used to it.

2

I have resigned myself to never living with a woman again, at my age, I and they are too set in our ways, too much baggage. So I have been asked to consider alternatives. I found "the one" once, moved in together, it lasted 3 months and was great for 1/2 of that. I have a group of young friends who have lived with me on and off since they were kids, kind of unofficial foster kids, mostly in their 30s now, though a couple in their 20s. We are our own social group and community, nerds mostly but with an outdoor bent. I looked at your profile, you would fit right in. "I love backyard bonfires and whiskey and afternoon naps. I have a cat but I'm secretly a dog person. I love sci-fi and fantasy". We have backyard bonfires, but also live on the coast so have huge beach bonfires, playing music, only good quality scotch and rum, unlike most of Oz, there are no beer drinkers in the group. We have a room here that has a better fantasy selection than most libraries, and many of our have been signed by the authors. A few of the group are into cos play. It is only in recent years that a few of them have found relationships, there was even a wedding last year.

2

I feel the same way.

Right.

1

I don't know your situation and I'm never one to be ignorantly optimistic, but I hope that as this forum grows that you can connect with like-minded people and find something real. Keep posting your thoughts and feelings about matters, interact with people, be yourself, and I imagine that you'll attract the attention of some great guys here. I'm praying for you 😉

0

Some days it can seem to be a long and winding road. Just get out there once in a while and as you travel the road, see what you notice, or if anyone notices you. Generally, when I stay home, there is not much to notice on either end.

0

I hear ya...yet the way I look at it is that I'm stuck with myself and that isn't all that bad.

6

I know the feeling. It is hard to find like-minded individuals who also share your passion. The holidays can be a difficult time. Do things that will make you feel good. Start by clearing closets, take some things that you don't wear anymore to the Goodwill. Reorganize your desk to make room for something new. Research Meet-up Groups in your area and meet them for an activity. What I am trying to say is get out, renew, re-energize yourself. Get rid of the blues so that you are ready for someone new to enter your life.

1

My guess is that you might be just too "cool" for most people.
Hang in there, someone will come along and appreciate you, as they should .
Whatever you do, don't force it !

0

My thing is I know how to be alone, nothing says I have to like it. I often think that I might be a tad complexed to have that enigma of lifelong love or the simulation of such ever come together.

5

Some of you writing "Me too" are so young! Patience, grasshoppers. People wrote some really good and supportive suggestions. I just want to add that the average age these days is what -- 78? Unless you are all 77 years old, you still have time for love, committed relationships, marriage, etc. Hang in there and enjoy the time between now and when you commit to show up (emotionally, physically, mentally) every day for somebody.

0

I get that feeling all the time. I would really like to have a partner, but I have been alone for so long I'm not sure if I'd know how to 'be' in a relationship.

0

My dear sister in spirit...i am 69 1/2 years old and never, through 2 marriages lasting almost 40 years have I been anywhere near as happy as I am right now, single & free, And a truly lovely romance blooming, I think/hope, right now. Being part of a couple is no answer to anything! They can verbally & physically abuse you to the point of scars, even near death. (hubby #1, 5 years)They can seem lovely to everyone around you and you are left wondering why you feel so sad & alone, you must be crazy, ungrateful, or just stupid......and what a demanding nag you are for expressing your sadness! (hubby #2, 34 years). Make Yourself happy....no holiday goes by that I do not gift myself something lovely, sometimes more than one thing! A day does not go by without enjoying a moment of pure relief that I am free to create my own heaven. If this potential romance blossoms, icing on the cake, but in no what responsible for my basic happiness, just an enhancer.
Be careful what you wish for, and especially beware thinking that your happiness depends on someone else...that thinking will sour Any relationship, despite all the drivel in popular songs....which make me cringe!
P.S. listen to what I tell you instead of going through all the crap I did to find it out for yourself, Please!

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