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Why Post Pics With Your Kids on a Dating Site?

I only look at women's photos, so I have no idea if men do this too, but... it seems really odd to me. (Please note, I'm talking about other dating sites, like Match and Harmony... you know, the "dating" dating sites...)

Why does a person looking to entice other single people (okay, theoretically single people at least) post pictures of themselves and their kids and grandkids on a dating site? What's the message being sent?

Is the subliminal message "I'm a good parent, I'm a stable person, you can trust me not to freak out on you"? Because the message that comes through, intentionally or not, is "I'm looking for a substitute Dad who's going to nurture my kids from Day 1, and if you're not that guy, you're wasting my time, fella!"

I assume that anyone my age has the probability of kids. I mention my daughter in my profile. I don't put her face on a public forum next to mine for random strangers to look at.

Maybe that's what bothers me most... the message that "I don't have the safety consciousness to keep my young kids and/or grandkids' photos out of sight until I at least meet the person I'm interested in and know whether or not he's the Boston Strangler."

Seriously... why the kid pictures?

By Paul4747
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47 comments

8

I have to comment a second time. You critics are reading a SHIT TON into the fact that someone chooses to post images of their children (either with or without themselves included) in their profile here. Maybe it means something, maybe not. The certainty here is that YOU are perceiving whatever you want from those images. No one is putting anything, subliminally or otherwise, into your brain except a picture. My advice to the OP: Get over it. It's just a damn picture.

IAMGROOT Level 7 July 12, 2018
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I was gonna type almost exactly what you said, so instead I will just agree with you.

@ArdentAtheist Me too. I also appreciate seeing dads loving being dads and moms loving being moms.

I have no gain to socialize here or even on Facebook, or next door etc, There are lot of social sites, and most all are under fire for putting kids pictures. Its amazing how many people here are not aware of the current news, laws, etc. I do not have any kids, but I pay for many of these abuse kids from my taxes. I am not the original poster, but lot of websites are changing there policies and I hope this one too. I am only in this site or any other site to find someone. I have no gain in wasting my time and being frustrated. I already work too hard.

@Arshi I have no idea at all what your point is. As I previously stated; I have some images of myself with my children on this site and you can make of it whatever you wish (and I know you have already peeped my profile). I'm a bit resentful of your implication that I am somehow contributing to child abuse. Maybe you should quit criticizing members here for their profile content and focus on your stated purpose of "finding someone" instead. Have a pleasant day.

@IAMGROOT not me, and I am not interested in you. You are not in my state. You where the first one to contact me on this site while I was making my profile. I am told that the site send emails to help new members. So I did not peeped at your profile to go out with you but because your profile send me a private message. Many people are following me, even thought my profile read I am here looking for love. You are no one to tell me what I should do. If I was so interested in letting others to tell me what to do, I would have not been on a Agonist site. So its the fact in dating sites to report, children pictures in member profile. I suppose its not a rule here and I don't remember what you have in your profile. There are lot of stuff being posted everywhere but when it cames to commonsense, you all felt entitled to protect the pedophile believes while attacking and acting so unaware.

@IAMGROOT your typical entitled response dispensing useless advice.

My point didn't involve this site specifically, but it might as well. I had in mind the expressly-designed-for-dating sites. This place is a discussion site, with dating optional. And if you're trying to attract a date, with a picture of yourself and your kids... there's something wrong there.

Edited
8

Well there's probably a big difference between the message sent and the message received. I have 1 pic of me with one of my kids, the rest are solo. I put it up because it was recent and it was a happy and decent pic. I don't mind it up because anyone I date will have to deal with the reality that I'm a proud parent of these three humans, and they are to some extent or another, going to have an impact on my availability, my activities, and my priorities. Also, I'm a kick ass fricking dad, and some women find do that kind of thing important in their decision making.

Humanistheathen Level 7 July 12, 2018
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7

It’s not only dating site

Morganfreeman Level 7 July 12, 2018
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Agreed.

5

If you're posting pics of your kids to communicate "look at me, I'm a good person" well, then, you'e a sucky parent. Don't exploit your kids for your own benefit. Putting any minor's photo on the Internet is irresponsible.

PalacinkyPDX Level 7 July 12, 2018
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5

People love pets and children.

Why you wouldn't include your immediate family seems odd to me? People will find out. (And then they'll ask for a photo!).

No reason not to just provide a photo right from the start.

RavenCT Level 9 July 12, 2018
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I agree 100%

5

I have pictures of myself with my kids here and you can make whatever you want of it. That is YOUR perception.

IAMGROOT Level 7 July 12, 2018
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5

From a safety standpoint, I agree with you entirely. On the other hand, it's nice to know up front about the children, from a truth-in-advertising point of view.

I don't, though, think of this as a dating site. Rather, it's more of a place to find like-minded individuals in general.

ronin73 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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I don’t post pictures of my kids but I do state that I have 2 daughters and their ages on each dating app I use. My children are private to me and I wouldn’t introduce someone to them unless we had been dating exclusively for quite a few months.

5

I don't post pictures of my kid on dating sites. Hell I rarely reference gender when discussing the clone. I think it is safety issue when talking to strangers.

CeliaAnne Level 6 July 12, 2018
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Someone using kids as a tool to help them date is just creepy.

@PalacinkyPDX trufax right there. I actually swipe left if a dude has pics of his kids out there for everybody to see.

4

I see quite a few older men holding newborn babies or toddlers in their profile pics. I think it is like the fish pictures: they don't have their pictures taken unless they're holding a baby or a fish. In this day and age, I cannot fathom why parents post dating site pics of their kids; it's like saying, "Hey, perverts, here they are."

Gwendolyn2018 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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Exactly. You have NO IDEA who's looking at those kids, or what they're doing while they look.

4

I have four teenaged children. I do not post their pictures for safety and privacy reasons. I suppose that parental pride could play a part in it, for those that do.

I am a wonderful mother and I am immensely proud of the people my children have become.
It's a shit ton of hard work and dedication.
Maybe that's what they're attempting to demonstrate?

Either way, I prefer our privacy remain intact, but I can understand the urge to "show off" one's offspring.

Donotbelieve Level 8 July 12, 2018
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4

Is your judgment only for those who are primarily on this site for dating purposes? Many of us are here mostly for community, but might be open to the possibility of dating.

Are these photos of children you object to being posted with addresses or something? Please explain the foundation of these safety fears you have. What harm do you envision happening to them that they are not exposed to in their normal daily life?

I'm not looking to attract someone whose main goal on this site is to be "looking at women's photos" as you state you are. So, thanks for being up front about that icky warning. Hopefully the majority of people on this site are here with less nefarious reasons.

I'm looking primarily for friends and intelligent conversation, not dating or hookups. I would hope I could gauge a person's character well enough before meeting in them person, and surely before they would ever come in contact with my family members, since they live in another state.

I do like to present a well rounded glimpse into my lifestyle to share with those wishing to engage in friendly conversation. This a social site, after all, where we can feel we are engaging with real people with similar interests.

What your post says to me is that you "look at women's photos" for some deviant purpose and either photos that include kids either distract from that purpose and/or that you (or feel others) look at kids photos for deviant purposes as well. That is an icky thought. Do you have those thoughts when you see magazine ads, family travel articles and commercials that have kids in them?

I'm here mostly for community and if someone is interested in who they are conversing with, my profile photos show me at home, at work, relaxing with my grandkids and other photos that show what makes me happy in life.

The photos that include my (fully clothed) kids/grandkids are public photos available online for anyone to see at my daughter's travel blog site and were taken while we were on vacation in public places. They live in another state. I don't post their address. I can't imagine what harm would come to them by me sharing my daughter's public photos of them. Maybe you could elaborate with reasons to convince me I should remove them?

I don't think we can protect ourselves, our children or our pets from people people having deviant thoughts of harming them. So, unless I am convinced otherwise, I choose to enjoy my life and feel safe enough sharing glimpses of my lifestyle, fully knowing they can be seen by "random people" just as they could when the photos were taken.

It's not a requirement to post any photos on this site - it's up to each member to choose what they feel is safe and appropriate to share. If admin chooses to make a rule that no photos of people under 18 are allowed, that would be fine with me. Until then, I see no reason why folks can't post photos of their family if they choose.

Seems to me the choice of some members to post family photos helps you to weed out possible mate choices that you feel have a lack of "safety consciousness" so it seems it is useful to you that way.

Julie808 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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I love this thoughtful response, Julie. Spot on.

wow, you have gone to another world. The original post never mention any site, its a general observation mention many other dating site. This site heavily promote itself to single. I am here to find someone, not socialize, or win a trophy. I work for living, even president, and rich work. Ahh the luxury of time is a hot button topic ....... You claim to be unaware of the world around you and you are very sure you are correct. I do not have the luxury to kill time. This original posters thoughts connect with my frustration but may be not yours. Blue wave its not a rebuttal, but a discussion. It sure is not your cup of tea.

In retrospect, I neglected to point out that I was talking about the sites that are specifically dating sites, naming no names... but even this site is marketed as a site for people looking to meet. In other words... A dating site.

And thanks for implying I'm a deviant... no, wait, you pretty much came out and said it. But even though I'm not, plenty are. I don't imagine you have a high concentration on a site like this, or on a travel blog... but on a dedicated single's dating site, you certainly do run that risk. I've been single less than a year and already been stalked once. I'm damn glad that person didn't know what my kid looks like, or what the house looks like, or anything else from my photos that could be helpful in locating me after I blocked the phones.

You're right, my concern doesn't apply to everyone on this site. I'll make it more clear what sites I was talking about.

4

For me, seeing a profile pic with kids screams "looking for Mommy" i run the other way.

moonmaid Level 8 July 12, 2018
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I would prefer to date a man with children.

@Donotbelieve I'm glad someone likes them.

@moonmaid Ha!

4

I'm sure motivations vary but certainly a lot of people (not just men either) are adverse to dating someone with dependent children and so putting that right out front saves a lot of time.

Pragmatically speaking, there's no buzz-kill like children in the household, so if you're looking for romance and time to know each other, it's probably fair to give notice that that train already left the station.

mordant Level 8 July 12, 2018
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I agree.

That's why I write about it in my profile. But not pictures.

4

its not you, it bothers me too. i am on and have been on pof, match.com etc, i have a grown son, i don't even put pics of him on my profile. when i see young kids on a womens profile, they may be thinking, look at me i am a proud parent, grand, etc. but what i see is here you go pedophile shop for the best child. i just want to slap them. keep your kids off your profiles. .we live in a crazy world. don't offer up your kids while looking for a date. most people have kids. we don't need to see them on a dating site.

MichaelSpinler Level 8 July 12, 2018
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4

I love the photos of dads with kids. That being said, I think most people see this more as a community site than a dating site. But since you asked specifically about putting pictures with your kid on a dating site - it makes a lot of sense because it automatically deters people people who don't want that and attracts those that do. I do understand the safety factor, though, and that's why I don't have my kid on here.

If you want to date me but can't handle the fact that I have a child (let alone a child with aspergers), then there's no point in wasting anybody's time, right?

Hihi Level 6 July 12, 2018
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I agree with you. If one is talking about POF, Match, Zoosk, Tinder, etc., to me that is an entirely different ballgame than our community here on AG - even if one IS here for dating also.

@BlueWave The only point I was making.

4

So you'd literally want to have LESS information about someone you're interested in to keep the illusion alive. If you've got kids I'd like to know before I get involved.

mattersauce Level 7 July 12, 2018
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You can always say, I have __ kids. Is that so difficult? You have no idea what kind of whackjob you're communicating with on the internet and putting your kids' photos online is just irresponsible. When you really get to know one another and are starting to have a stable relationship, then you can start learning about my kids.

@PalacinkyPDX I guess that part is true, I'm not looking to know what your kids look like or their dob/ss#/pet's name and favorite candy. But I would like to know as I'd assume they're a large part of your life.

Also I'd like to know if you do crossfit, because I desperately do not want to talk about crossfit.

4

I get that. I don't post pictures of my kids, but I mention them AND their ages because lots of men don't want baby daddy drama. Most people my age have kids that are either in college or on their own. I have kids in middle and high school (which explains why I get a 'like' or message maybe once a week). One gentleman voiced that same concern. Unless the relationship is getting serious, no reason to introduce a new person to the kids.

indelible Level 7 July 12, 2018
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3

"what you see is what you get." and "if you don't get it, no need to apply."

Jacar Level 7 July 12, 2018
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3

I wouldn't have posted pictures of my kids, if I had been active on dating sites. If I had though, the message would be that my kids come first. I wouldn't have wasted my time with anyone who expected me to give up time with my kids for her.

JimG Level 8 July 12, 2018
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3

When I was on them, I noticed a lot of pictures of grandfathers with their infant grandchildren. Someone told me they're encouraged to do this because it attracts women. I have to admit it was slightly endearing.

ProudMary Level 8 July 12, 2018
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I am in lot of dating site and most all of them recommend not to post kids picture, especially after lot of gang ring where arrested.

even facebook and other social sites are constantly being reported for this same issue. We all saw in the news of facebook senate testimony.

@Arshi Oh, I didn't mean the dating site itself encouraged it. I've seen it mentioned elsewhere.

3

I don't have any kids so I really know. But I think if I did, I would love to post pic's of them, why not? I'd be proud to show off my kids.

But then again, I really didn't come here to date. I'm more interested in good conversation, and possibly learn something new. I love to read others perspective on a topic.

TristanNuvo Level 7 July 12, 2018
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3

Men do this as well. Funny I was actually just thinking about this this morning. The only full body pictures I have of myself are with my kids. I like to post a full body but I crop my kids out first. I wouldn’t want them posting pictures of me.....not to mention I wouldn’t introduce someone to my kids until I had been with them for quite a while. Like months.

Marcie1974 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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3

I think it is the subliminal message you reference, but only the "I'm a stable person" part. I was NOT ever looking for someone with young kids (I'm a oldie but goodie) but if you have pics with your older kids I am happy with that. Family is important. Otherwise I agree with you. If I was younger it might hit me differently - I do not have and never wanted kids.

poetdi56 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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2

I agree. The kids being plastered all over those sites aren't given a choice to be seen or not be seen on an ADULT site. It's irresponsible of the poster and could be downright dangerous if in the hands of a more sinister motivated individual or organization...

Sparks Level 3 July 15, 2018
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2

It's a simple and immediate way to say "here are important things in my life"

Mikey5236o6 Level 5 July 13, 2018
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