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Why Post Pics With Your Kids on a Dating Site?

I only look at women's photos, so I have no idea if men do this too, but... it seems really odd to me. (Please note, I'm talking about other dating sites, like Match and Harmony... you know, the "dating" dating sites...)

Why does a person looking to entice other single people (okay, theoretically single people at least) post pictures of themselves and their kids and grandkids on a dating site? What's the message being sent?

Is the subliminal message "I'm a good parent, I'm a stable person, you can trust me not to freak out on you"? Because the message that comes through, intentionally or not, is "I'm looking for a substitute Dad who's going to nurture my kids from Day 1, and if you're not that guy, you're wasting my time, fella!"

I assume that anyone my age has the probability of kids. I mention my daughter in my profile. I don't put her face on a public forum next to mine for random strangers to look at.

Maybe that's what bothers me most... the message that "I don't have the safety consciousness to keep my young kids and/or grandkids' photos out of sight until I at least meet the person I'm interested in and know whether or not he's the Boston Strangler."

Seriously... why the kid pictures?

By Paul4747
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47 comments

0

Sometimes our best pictures are the ones taken with loved ones. We're relaxed and happy.

RonWilliam53 Level 6 July 17, 2018
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I've always found it odd, but there are a couple cases in which it can be helpful (though it could be written in the profile as well) to weed out unsuitable partners: 1) the is mixed race or of a different race from the parent (I don't like race as a concept, so please let my use of it slide here) and 2) if it's clear that the has special needs. But yes, I find it odd and would prefer that a match says in his or her profile useful information about the kids (autistic, live at home, out of the house, different ethnic background -- which could be addressed in other ways as well without mentioning the ).

shayne69 Level 4 July 15, 2018
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1

I have never posted a picture of my kid, parents, or others on a dating site. I realize kids need to be welcomed, but the idea would have to come after a relationship was actually building. Some of the kid pictures could also entice sexual predators to respond.

weldingguy Level 4 July 15, 2018
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Good points.

0

I don't post pics of my daughter or grand daughter cause they wouldn't like it. Both a very camera shy.
The message is " I love my kids, and we are a package deal " I feel confident that is a not so subtle message. A woman might be sending with pics of her kids.

Stevil Level 8 July 15, 2018
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1

I agree. The kids being plastered all over those sites aren't given a choice to be seen or not be seen on an ADULT site. It's irresponsible of the poster and could be downright dangerous if in the hands of a more sinister motivated individual or organization...

Sparks Level 3 July 15, 2018
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1

Could be because there's a socialized gender norm that women are expected to be warm, nurturing, caring mothers ... so posting pictures of them in that role primes that stereotype, making you think they adhere to said stereotype ...

It's the same rule of thumb that men who post pictures of themselves with dogs -- it's supposed to elicit "warm fuzzies" for those on dating sites ... priming to associate communal characteristics (e.g., warm, nurturing, friendly) with them ...

Particularly since dating stereotypically is associated with procreating ....

I say all this with my tongue-in-cheek .... anyone who knows me on here knows my views with these gender norms and stereotypes ... but that's what the research shows ...

Stupid norms.

evestrat Level 8 July 14, 2018
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1

Excellent question. I too have long wondered the same thing.

Smarmogoyf Level 2 July 14, 2018
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0

Unless you cannot to adopt all those kids stay away.

RayMaldonado Level 5 July 14, 2018
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So you'll think I'm warm and caring??? Not me! My kids are young and beautiful; the contrast would be frightful.

MsDemeanour Level 7 July 14, 2018
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I just think it says "Hey, I'm normal. and not a scammer from Nigeria"

A friend of mine married a guy she met on a dating site and I remember her telling me that she was initially attracted to him specifically because he had posted a sweet photo of himself with his little granddaughter.

TheoryNumber3 Level 6 July 13, 2018
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@SACatWalker if someone is going to scam you they will do it in a way that is at least on the surface somewhat authentic. The only way to find out is to talk write analyses and if all looks good leap with caution. I would hope most scammers will tell you who they are if you listen. Remember I could be wrong.

All my scammer approaches are (or claim to be) 22-30 and looking for men, age 50-100, with income over $100K a year. And if I don't respond within about 30 minutes, the profile has disappeared.

I'm sure men approaching women take a different tack than the women approaching men, but their main goal is to have you email so they get a hook into your personal information from which they can work on getting more. Once they have that they can sell it, too. I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know.

Well the other thing is I'm far less suspicious if the person mentions local spots of interest, restaurants, bars, etc.... so that I know they are actually from the area.

@Paul4747 When I had an AFF site I used to get those. You could always tell the frauds (beyond no 25 y/o wants my wrinkly old self) but the English was wrong. You could read them in a Natasha accent and they were funny. Many were just fishing for valid email addresses to sell.

2

It's a simple and immediate way to say "here are important things in my life"

Mikey5236o6 Level 4 July 13, 2018
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4

I see quite a few older men holding newborn babies or toddlers in their profile pics. I think it is like the fish pictures: they don't have their pictures taken unless they're holding a baby or a fish. In this day and age, I cannot fathom why parents post dating site pics of their kids; it's like saying, "Hey, perverts, here they are."

Gwendolyn2018 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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Exactly. You have NO IDEA who's looking at those kids, or what they're doing while they look.

0

My kids are very attractive.

JanGarber Level 6 July 12, 2018
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I build software posting a pic of your child these days is no less safe than doing nearly every other internet based activity. If youve been paying attention to how many massive internet breaches have happened the last few years rest assured that its highly likely that much more detailed profiles of you are in posession of a few criminals.

Also kidnappings, child abuse, etc has a higher incident rate from people close to the victim.

Soooo no need to scream fire.

Kepler-452b Level 2 July 12, 2018
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True, but why give out more information even to amateurs and strangers? It's like those "family" stickers on the windshield of the car... "My family has 2 adults, 3 kids and a dog, and we like soccer. Have fun stalking us!"

3

"what you see is what you get." and "if you don't get it, no need to apply."

Jacar Level 7 July 12, 2018
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I think some ppl are just challenged, period. Having seen some pics of kids with what looks like Ms Paint colored on their faces on here (uh YUCK?) seems ppl don't know how to crop, or won't ask someone to help with that.
I would not post my kid on here, but will on my other community. That said while not looking for another "Daddy" for mine, having had heinous step parents in the past not being able to gel with my kid, who's not a teenager anymore, would be a deal breaker out the gate, because I hazza great kid.

Qualia Level 7 July 12, 2018
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My son is on my page so I get to look at him every time I log on and so when I talk about him, one can have an image of him in their mind. I miss the fuck out of him and I’m not here to chase women.

NothinnXpreVails Level 8 July 12, 2018

I'm not talking about this site per se, which I should have made clear... and I apologize. I'm talking about the "expressly designed for dating" dating sites. Naming no names cougheHarmonycough

@Paul4747 well, I’d assume it’s a good way to let people know they’ve got offspring they may be responsible for, in that case.

5

If you're posting pics of your kids to communicate "look at me, I'm a good person" well, then, you'e a sucky parent. Don't exploit your kids for your own benefit. Putting any minor's photo on the Internet is irresponsible.

PalacinkyPDX Level 5 July 12, 2018
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4

I have four teenaged children. I do not post their pictures for safety and privacy reasons. I suppose that parental pride could play a part in it, for those that do.

I am a wonderful mother and I am immensely proud of the people my children have become.
It's a shit ton of hard work and dedication.
Maybe that's what they're attempting to demonstrate?

Either way, I prefer our privacy remain intact, but I can understand the urge to "show off" one's offspring.

Donotbelieve Level 8 July 12, 2018
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2

What I cannot understand is pictures of pets, or a group of people with the faces so small you can't tell who is the person in the profile, or random landscape photographs, or pictures in which there are men next to the member of the dating website and you wonder the relationship.

I_dont_know Level 7 July 12, 2018
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YES!! Those are almost worth a separate question!

3

I wouldn't have posted pictures of my kids, if I had been active on dating sites. If I had though, the message would be that my kids come first. I wouldn't have wasted my time with anyone who expected me to give up time with my kids for her.

JimG Level 7 July 12, 2018
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4

Is your judgment only for those who are primarily on this site for dating purposes? Many of us are here mostly for community, but might be open to the possibility of dating.

Are these photos of children you object to being posted with addresses or something? Please explain the foundation of these safety fears you have. What harm do you envision happening to them that they are not exposed to in their normal daily life?

I'm not looking to attract someone whose main goal on this site is to be "looking at women's photos" as you state you are. So, thanks for being up front about that icky warning. Hopefully the majority of people on this site are here with less nefarious reasons.

I'm looking primarily for friends and intelligent conversation, not dating or hookups. I would hope I could gauge a person's character well enough before meeting in them person, and surely before they would ever come in contact with my family members, since they live in another state.

I do like to present a well rounded glimpse into my lifestyle to share with those wishing to engage in friendly conversation. This a social site, after all, where we can feel we are engaging with real people with similar interests.

What your post says to me is that you "look at women's photos" for some deviant purpose and either photos that include kids either distract from that purpose and/or that you (or feel others) look at kids photos for deviant purposes as well. That is an icky thought. Do you have those thoughts when you see magazine ads, family travel articles and commercials that have kids in them?

I'm here mostly for community and if someone is interested in who they are conversing with, my profile photos show me at home, at work, relaxing with my grandkids and other photos that show what makes me happy in life.

The photos that include my (fully clothed) kids/grandkids are public photos available online for anyone to see at my daughter's travel blog site and were taken while we were on vacation in public places. They live in another state. I don't post their address. I can't imagine what harm would come to them by me sharing my daughter's public photos of them. Maybe you could elaborate with reasons to convince me I should remove them?

I don't think we can protect ourselves, our children or our pets from people people having deviant thoughts of harming them. So, unless I am convinced otherwise, I choose to enjoy my life and feel safe enough sharing glimpses of my lifestyle, fully knowing they can be seen by "random people" just as they could when the photos were taken.

It's not a requirement to post any photos on this site - it's up to each member to choose what they feel is safe and appropriate to share. If admin chooses to make a rule that no photos of people under 18 are allowed, that would be fine with me. Until then, I see no reason why folks can't post photos of their family if they choose.

Seems to me the choice of some members to post family photos helps you to weed out possible mate choices that you feel have a lack of "safety consciousness" so it seems it is useful to you that way.

Julie808 Level 7 July 12, 2018
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I love this thoughtful response, Julie. Spot on.

wow, you have gone to another world. The original post never mention any site, its a general observation mention many other dating site. This site heavily promote itself to single. I am here to find someone, not socialize, or win a trophy. I work for living, even president, and rich work. Ahh the luxury of time is a hot button topic ....... You claim to be unaware of the world around you and you are very sure you are correct. I do not have the luxury to kill time. This original posters thoughts connect with my frustration but may be not yours. Blue wave its not a rebuttal, but a discussion. It sure is not your cup of tea.

In retrospect, I neglected to point out that I was talking about the sites that are specifically dating sites, naming no names... but even this site is marketed as a site for people looking to meet. In other words... A dating site.

And thanks for implying I'm a deviant... no, wait, you pretty much came out and said it. But even though I'm not, plenty are. I don't imagine you have a high concentration on a site like this, or on a travel blog... but on a dedicated single's dating site, you certainly do run that risk. I've been single less than a year and already been stalked once. I'm damn glad that person didn't know what my kid looks like, or what the house looks like, or anything else from my photos that could be helpful in locating me after I blocked the phones.

You're right, my concern doesn't apply to everyone on this site. I'll make it more clear what sites I was talking about.

4

For me, seeing a profile pic with kids screams "looking for Mommy" i run the other way.

moonmaid Level 7 July 12, 2018
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I would prefer to date a man with children.

@Donotbelieve I'm glad someone likes them.

@moonmaid Ha!

3

Its recommended not to post pics of kids,grandkids...But some women get contacted by men that can't read!...Maybe it helps?

BradleyOgle1 Level 5 July 12, 2018
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Curious where on this site is it recommended not to post images of kids/grandkids? I must have missed it.

@Julie808 On singles' dating sites, like Match.com

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