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Question for the single people...

Do you, have you, would you have sex with people for the sake of getting laid? The so-called booty call. Do you feel regret after? Do you do it with hopes that they'll eventually want a relationship? Do you make sure your intentions, (or lack thereof) are known? Do you just use people?

valerina 7 July 13

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Yes I do have casual sex, nsa, Feb, whatever you want to call it. When I was much younger I wasn't into it. It was not fun unless i was emotionally connected, etc. But where I am in my life right now, casual sex works for me as I am happily single, working on various self improvements. I'm not actively seeking a relationship(I never just does not work that way for me). Sometimes i just want sex, physical closeness without all the drama of dating, to be perfectly honest. I am always totally upfront about this with partners. Sometimes i do catch feelings but I try to be rational about it(is this REALLY a good match for me or am I just getting addicted to the sex euphoria?). If I do use people, they are fully aware and ok with it. Being pansexual, I do not have this with women generally as they generally want or "need" an emotional connection but I honestly don't know if that is real or just what we have been indoctrinated to believe...


I don't see any issues with sex for the sake of sex, as long as both are on the same page. Personally I refuse to not be up front. There has been some that I did developed feelings for. My wife passed away almost 3 years ago and I have had a few women that were just "booty calls" that were initiated by them. We were upfront about what this was. That way neither of us would get hurt.


Most women my age do not want the "friends with benefits" stuff. I think I could do it, but don't broach the subject because of the comments made about such things. I am not sure I am relationship material but I still would like physical intimacy...difficult position to be in in your 60's.


I've had sex for its own sake, and too often because I felt sorry for myself over an unrequited love or lack of a love relationship. In the unlikely event a roll-in-the-hay opportunity should occur in the future, I couldn't say with 100 per cent assurance that I'd pass it up. But bottom line: I'd rather have sex in a committed, romantic relationship.


Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as its accomplice. - Tom Robbins. Sex. Dang. How can there be a rule about that? I haven't had sex for years. I used to make love a lot. Guess I haven't felt the ultimate outlaw vibe or found the right accomplice.


I’ve done the casual sex thing and found it enjoyable but it pales in comparison to sex with a girlfriend that I love very much.

PaulD Level 5 July 20, 2018

I have, I don't, I doubt I would. My feelings after the one night stand or booty call have varied. Sometimes it's been delightful. Others, disappointing or even embarrassing, in the sense that I can't believe I got mixed up with that person.
I've come to the conclusion that using people for short term gratification, even when I'm up front and honest about my intentions, is hurtful to them and me.
I'd rather make friends first and have sex later, if it works out that way.


I had a FWB arrangement with a woman once, and we wound up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. That wasn't a bad thing, it just wasn't what we started out saying we wanted to be. I've not had such an arrangement since.

I've had the experience of getting together with a friend sexually, and she and I tried to see if we could sustain the romance and didn't, to our mutual disappointment. I've also been platonic friends with an ex-girlfriend for a while, which worked out more or less okay because we didn't try to be best buddies but did continue to enjoy one anothers' company.


Yup, yup, nope, never, I try to, no.


In this day and age (geez, just typing that makes me feel old!), there are so many ways in which a sexually active person could seriously hinder their quality of life - between inconvenient STDs to deadly STDs, why risk that simply for an orgasm or three? I have a strong sex drive, but I can take care of my own needs, and did so even when I was married. I know what I want, and how I want it, and how often I want it. That said, I do have a few gentlemen friends who are great huggers, one is even a great kisser, and (at this point in time) I am good with the body contact, the snuggling.

"Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable."

  • Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield
Rustee Level 7 July 17, 2018

Nope but but I can't really be very serious with anyone unless we are having sex so it is part of it. Rather just get to it because I find people are much more comfortable being themselves after they are having sex in the relationship and likely true for both men and women. Doesn't make a relationship more or less likely to fail if it happens the first time you meet or 5 years after you first meet in my experience.
Unless you are only after a short sexual fling...then might be best to include that as part of the conversation assuming there is one.
I certainly never regret having sex with anyone. That would defeat the purpose and if I was interested enough to get there I probably am going to be interested enough in going there again...until I am not


I've done that a couple times in my life. No regrets because both were honest and it was strictly just about having sex. Neither of us were cheating or anything like that. Couple of good memories is basically what I got from it. Also an egoboost at the time because both times the women were beautiful, successful, kind, intelligent, and up front and open about what they wanted. Overall they were good experiences for me. Can't speak for them. I hope I did them the same favor.


At this point I think I would be willing to give it a try. Been single for 6 years, only a couple of dates in that time, nothing serious. Might be fun to live more frivolously for a change, though I doubt it's really in me. Difficult to change one's stripes.


I can't imagine what it would be like to feel like I have any chance of an intimate encounter with anyone ever again. It's a level of self confidence which I only ever dreamed of.


I have standards and have grown to the point of no longer desiring to be with any theist even for a quick booty call as I consider the mind to be the most attractive attribute of a woman and those who place faith (belief without evidence) over reality, are not attractive to me. As most all in this part of the world are theists, I almost always sleep alone.


I have, and I will. I am perfectly honest about it.I don't project any hopes, Nor am I closed to the idea that something more could come of it.Only way that I would regret it is if the partner disregards the reality of what it is.


I have in the past, but usually I'm the one who develops feelings and gets hurt by their lack of reciprocation. Difficult to say if I'd rule it out in the future, but I probably should in many ways.

Mashuu Level 3 July 15, 2018

I have, with consent and clear intentions, but I wouldn't call what I had a booty call. Twice I entered "relationships" that were strictly sexual in nature. I did not fall in love or develop feelings (and neither did they), so no one was hurt when they ended. But I also learned that, to me, anyway, it's not worth the effort. There was no heartbreak, but also no real connection. And connection is what I really miss.


Reporting for booty....


In the 6 years since i left my ex, ive gone thru phases. I have had a few fwbs, and the ONLY reason it has ever been ok and not hurtful is if NEITHER person has strong feelings for the other, so it can just be purely physical; fun; experience, etc. I felt like, "well, im definitely not getting into a serious relationship right after my huge failed marriage, but in the mean time, any touch is better than none.." But increasingly, i find i'd rather take the "none" over the " any". For me, if its merely physical with no connection otherwise, it just highlights and makes me think of all that it could be, but isn't. Neither of us wonder how the other's day is going, neither of us want to inhabit eachothers' lives , outside of sex. Neither of us want to just make dinner together, etc. So at this point, yeah, definitely no touch is better than empty touch. And anyway ,for me, the sex is just exponentially better in itself, if there is a deeper connection. Also, lets face it, both men and women have a hard time letting sex be just sex. Most cases, one of the people will want more, and end up getting hurt. There is nothing wrong with someone clearly saying "i am not looking for a Relationship..", but you have to be very clear about it , and examine your motives, and make sure you arent in it to manipulate people and yo yo them back n forth. Not right.

@valerina SOOO hard to balance the hope with the "wisdom" gained from the bad experience- you don't wanna assume the worst and be cynical, or punish anyone for the mis-deeds of your ex, and thereby sabotage any possible thing with doubt, but you also have to not be so hopeful that you set yourself up for repeated disappointment.


I have done in the past but wouldn't now. I'm finding as I get older that sex is far less important to me than it once was. These days a woman's musical skills are as important to me (probably more) than her sexual skills 🙂
I don't recall feeling bad about casual sex encounters in the past -but they were often drug/alcohol fuelled. I think I used to be fairly open about my long term intentions but probably those discussions never happened as we had other things on our minds. I certainly did use to use and be used by people.

JimmyM Level 7 July 14, 2018

I have done a couple of times but it's not as though willing participants are queuing round the block. I didn't feel regret and as far as I'm aware we both enjoyed it, it was what it was....a shag.

ipdg77 Level 8 July 14, 2018

I don't wouldn't won't but that's a kinda rule iv given myself


A one night stand does not necessarily mean someone is "used" as you call it. It can be that, or not. If there is lying, deception etc. then yes of course. But often times both parties are willing to give it a go to at least some degree. If that's it, that's it. And if you don't want to, don't. It's one thing to be lied to. It's another to be naive or weak-willed.

Not my preference BTW, like most if not all I prefer more of a connection.


You never told us if you are being used but you asked us if we just use people?

@valerina Do it for you... I never been much of an user... even when I was a cheater, I never hided my marital status and I man-up and accepted the consequences of my actions. Never had a mistress. I do remember a relationship after my divorce were she never told me she was married and her reason was... I didn't asked her. So it did taught me the lesson of from now on.... cards on the table. And remember, you can still tell the truth and may not be believed or understood. Wishing you the best love, romance and desire got to offer. Remember always... Your Fun and Happiness Matters.

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