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Question for the single people...

Do you, have you, would you have sex with people for the sake of getting laid? The so-called booty call. Do you feel regret after? Do you do it with hopes that they'll eventually want a relationship? Do you make sure your intentions, (or lack thereof) are known? Do you just use people?

valerina 7 July 13
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67 comments (26 - 50)

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1

That sounds awful religious to me. If a friend in need came over with a cut on his or her hand would you weigh the moral implications of putting a band aid on him or her?
What's with the guilt bit?
I don't think anyone would argue against the benefits that come from orgasm so the only question is why are you feeling anything other than pleasure for having experienced it.
The church taught you that part didn't they?

I never had to go to church. Aside from going to watch my step-nieces perform in a play.

Some people feel guilt, it's just a question. I wanted my question to cover it all, to evoke thought.

2

I have. I don't know if I would do it again, though. I find that it's easier for me to get into sex when I have some sort of connection. I wouldn't say I felt regret but I didn't like the experience as much as I do when I know and trust someone. I did make my intentions known and didn't use them. I don't see the point in that.

1

I haven't got my first yet. So I can't relate. Lol

Matty Level 3 July 13, 2018
4

When I have sex, I am flooded with a bonding hormone, the same hormone that bonded me with my baby while nursing. This sends me sideways. After sex, I feel all relationship-y, while the man just planted seeds.

To open up physically with a man, I need to feel SAFE. This takes time and relationship-building. Then I have the greatest, mind-blowing, shattering orgasms. Casual sex doesn't do it for me.

This is so relatable. I want to have casual sex but instinctively I end up with feelings and like you said, feeling all relationship-y lol! It's a struggle.

2

This hits too close to home for me. That's all I can say right now.

7

I love sex. I have a few guys currently I see that it's all about sex with. I am always honest up front that I am not interested in a relationship. I can detach from the emotional part. I have fun, they have fun and we're safe.

Kanda Level 5 July 13, 2018

That's incredible. I can't detach myself from my emotion. I need it to feel great about having sex.

good for you! you take control of your own needs, I admire that!

My kind of woman. I have met many who feel the same.

9

Nope, will not be a booty call for anyone. If I need an orgasm I have my toys. If I am going to bump uglies it will be in a relationship. I need the emotional connection.

Exactly.

3

Yes I do have sex with people just for the sake of getting laid. I'm going to qualify that by saying never with strangers. I'm not against it with strangers, it's just I'm not the kind of guy who picks up people when I'm out and about. I've never gone to a bar/club/party with the intent of going home with someone.

I do tend to surround myself with sex positive people who are ok with sex and have safe practices that I trust. I have on occasion had sex with these friends at parties. I have also on occasion had friends over which then turned into sex. I've had sex in group settings but always with friends. Oh darn. Yes ok a few times I've had sex with friends of friends whom I didn't know prior to that evening so I guess that would be a stranger but because the group were mostly my friends who were involved peripherally, I forgot about the hand full of strangers. (I know, I'm glossing over a lot of things you want to know more about, that's a story for another time). I've never had any regrets with any of them. I still talk and interact with all of them. Even the strangers are now included in my friends. If any of my friends wanted or needed sex tight now I'd be there for them. We are always open and honest with each other. There is no other way for me to behave, I care about people and don't want to hurt them.

That said. I really need to feel an emotional connection to a person in order for me to want to initiate a sexual relationship. Yes, there are people who I fantasize about having sex with based solely upon their looks, their style of clothing, the shoes they are wearing, or the sound of their voice. However, if one of those people should knock on my door and proposition me, I'd respectfully decline. Perhaps I would invite them in for a drink and conversation, but not instant sex. I'm not wired that way.I have to get to know them before I will engage in physical intimacy. Friends of friends whom I don't know get a pass because I know and trust my friends.

Is there ever any jealousy or drama among your friends? It seems like a really great group of people. Very trusting and open though.

@valerina Jealousy is unavoidable. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't ever any. The beauty of my friends is that most of them have developed great communication skills so when Jealousy rears it's ugly head, we can discuss it without anger and work through the reasons for it. Sometimes it's just a matter of a boundary having been unexpressed or forgotten. Talking about it lets the person who overstepped adjust and all parties involved can move past it and go back to loving one another.

Drama, yeah that too is unavoidable. Good communication skills and trying to remain calm and rational once the immediate "get it off your chest" moment has passed is a great way to move past it.

I do love my friends. They are a really great group of people and I would bend over backwards to help any of them if they needed it. I feel like I have been blessed to have them in my life. While I don't believe in a supreme being, I do believe that things like Karma, blessings, and spirituality do exist in this universe.

4

I think I've tried all these varieties at different points in my life. But being as things were always mutual - no one was "used" in the negative sense. And no regrets ever.

I'm noticing a lot of people regard the word "used" in a negative sense. I use a pen to write, doesn't mean I don't value the pen. 🙂

@valerina I hear ya ! Sometimes, being thoroughly used is quite delicious ...

@evergreen yessss, thank you!

2

I have had a few FWB's before. All 3 times, the intentions behind our arrangement was made clear from the start. I'm an extremely honest and blunt person, for better or worse. In the case of my last one, before we began hooking up I straight out told her, "Don't get feelings for me". The first two were both married, so I wasn't concerned.
Having said all that... Yes. I prefer to have sex with someone I'm committed to. It makes most things feel better. You already have that established trust and relationship to fall back on.

1

Intercourse would be welcomed into the equation once I actually got to know the woman first, to determine how compatible we are.

5

I couldn’t do a one night stand or a booty call with someone I didn’t know. Be sure and be safe. I’m sexually attracted and turned on by an intelligent man, so there would have to be a friendship established before the opportunity of sex arose. As long as there was a meeting of the minds, no one was going to get emotionally hurt and there was a mutual understanding that this would be a temporary arrangement, why not?

4

An honest arrangement is a good arrangement regardless of who is involved.

Nope

5

I wouldn't call it using people. I have had an understanding with a couple of friends that we are friends, but also have needs. So, not strangers, but not a dating relationship, either. You can call it a booty call, or friends with benefits or fuck buddies doesn't matter. I think if everyone is above board and forthright about their intentions, and maintains that level of honesty, a friends with benefits arrangement can work out well. Getting laid on the regular is not a bad thing.

You are so right.

1

Have and would. Never mislead.

1

I spent a long time kind of being anti booty call or FWB. But since all of my attempts to have relationships failed, i have been more inclined to do the FBW (friends with benefits) thing. I have my own Hobbies, my friends fulfill my social and emotional support needs, and i love my alone time. So the more casual no strings attached relationship is right up my alley. I don't think it's for everyone it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing, but i do think there is a place for it. Now I want to also say that there is a big difference between booty call and FWB, booty call is definitely more physical and less mental. my dilemma is that I'm demisexual and i need to a least like someone insides before i like their outsides unfortunately so my hookups have some strings attached. But I think if there is set parameters and some honesty I think it could be absolutely a fulfilling connection physically and mentally.

1

My right hand can only get me so far?. Yap. I do have those one nighters. As for regret, I feel I'm too emotionally unavailable for it to get to those levels. I'd not really call it using if we are both on the same page.

1

I prefer to be in a relationship. It makes kissing more meaningful. However, I'm not adverse to a mutual agreement to have sex just to keep us safe. After going two months without sex my brain doesn't function right and I'm liable to do something stupid. So far I've only had one sex partner. Again I rather be in a relationship. Sex is so much sweeter.

1

Loads of people saying "Oh when I was younger". Well I didnt and I kind of missed out. No hedonistic youth for me, just wife and kids. Then a series monogamous relationships. So at the age of 57 I joined a hook up site. It was good fun for while and I met some lovely ladies. It encouraged me to write (erotica is a good start especially if it can get you laid). The sex was sometimes great but ended up just okay. eventually the whole "Hi nice to meet you, lets go to bed" got just too shallow. I don't regret my last fling but now I need more than physical. However if i do find that someone, I have picked up some great techniques.

This is a fantastic story! So many different situations out there. I'm glad you got to have some fun. 🙂

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Uhjhg

1

I have been party too the occasional booty call, sometimes I am ok with it other times I feel used. I guess if its mutual and both parties have the understanding of what's going on and are mature enough to handle it I don't see a problem with it. Some times it is nice to let loose with no expectations and knowing you aren't going to emotionally hurt someone.

1

It's been awhile, wouldn't hurt right about now lol.but I may not feel so good about it after.

love your honesty!

@valerina thank you. We're human after all.

1

I've tried it, it's just not me. Just feels empty. I don't have to be in a committed relationship, but at least someone I trust and feel a connection with. And yes, it's very important that we are both upfront and honest about our intentions, otherwise it can really get messed up. So, in the interim, that would be okay on occasion. But Ideally I would like a loving and meaningful relationship, and if I had that then even the thought of something casual would be non-existent.

2

I have, and I have no problems with it. So long as both parties know what they are getting in to and accept the potential risks.

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