A debate is necessary and healthy in any relationship. To me, the key is listening to the other to listen...not just to reply.

I don't like the term "argue". It has a pretty violent connotation to me. I prefer the terms "discussion" or "debate". Yes, I realize they're only words but, there are rules for debate and discussions and they tend to be more civil than arguments. Arguments by their very nature seem to be combative rather than cooperative. Having puked all of that at you...

I do like civil discussion about differing opinions. I think it's much simpler to keep a cool head than people tend to think. We allow ourselves to be incensed over topics where we will feel foolish in regards to our actions and reactions after a good nights sleep.

I try to not take anything personal when having a difference of opinion. It only becomes personal if I allow it.

The bottom line is that we can all air our grievances with each other and still not allow steam to build up. Listening is an art that is nearly lost. Everyone has a need to be heard and if you're just trying to get your point across louder than the other person,neither of you is listening. But, you're both trying to be heard.

Listen.

Always try to find common ground on a topic and find the boundaries where that common ground ends. Find a way to bridge the differences with civil conversation. You can both state your grievances without an argument evolving if it's done appropriately.

I abhor arguments but, I'm not opposed to discussion, discovery and cooperation to reach an amicable resolution.

Arguing is definitely unnecessary. You can debate, discuss but no need to argue. When my son was young we had a chat and decided, our friendship was much more important than anything we could possibly argue over, so agreed it would never happen. He is 31 now, and we have never had an argument. Almost as smooth going with my daughter, but she can get a little emotional and logic goes out the window. Not often, she is 33 in 3 weeks. I have an ex from 1999, we still speak a few times a week, and have never had an argument.

Did someone say “argue”? Here I am!

[mobile.nytimes.com]

I tried to respond with all caps to express the intensity of my argumentation with you... but it was automatically converted to lowercase when I submitted it. Totally lost the effect. lol.

No, that's absurd! What's wrong with you?

I think it's essential that people argue. I love strong debate. I don't like when people can't stay respectful though. My rule is that once someone says lets take a break or stop then respect that. Things shouldn't get so heated we are yelling and screaming.

I agree with “if it’s done productively “.
Disagreement, in my opinion, is healthy and forces me to coherently organize my thoughts
Sadly I’ve been involved with more unproductive versions than healthy ones so the word tends to seem negative to me at first.

Before I filed for divorce many years ago, I sought counseling, on the chance that I might be able to salvage SOMETHING, or at least make an exit with more dignity and resolve that things weren't going to improve. I only went to one session, and here's why. The counselor, after talking to me for a bit, asking pointed questions and getting a clear picture of the situation recognized it for what it was--an abusive and potentially volatile relationship. He said nothing about that, though. What he did was to hand me an article written by one of his peers who was a prominent marriage counselor.

The article explained how this counselor could predict with greater than 90% certainty whether a marriage would happily last, based on analyzing one criterion. He looked at the way each partner in the relationship fought or resolved arguments. Couples who shared similar conflict resolution styles are more likely to last than those who handled conflict differently. Couples who fight a lot, he found, were just as happy as those who never fought because they peacefully work out their differences. Couples who were unbalanced, with one being volatile and argumentative and the other preferring peaceful resolution were doomed to failure with great certainty. If you "fight" using similar styles, no matter how volatile or gentle, that's a good sign that it will last.

90% accuracy.

It gave me pause because I realized that in the abusive situation in was in, there would never be a balance. My even-tempered logical rationalization and her volatile, abusive temper and desire to argue about everything until I would simply give up and agree just to shut her up HOURS later just so I could escape long enough to go pee were NEVER going to be a match. I filed for divorce shortly after that.

So, to answer the questions, Yes, arguing can be productive. It can also be destructive when both people enter the argument with different styles of fighting.

I use calm, rationalization and logic, and prefer to avoid heated arguments. I find that to be more palatable and productive. Others may find the opposite approach works better.

All I know when you both get fuck you, no fuck you !,The argument is over. Turn and walk away.

No it isn’t. Yes it is. No, it isn’t. Yes it is!!

Arguing is a part of being an individual in an attempt to have a mutual relationship. I dislike it and if it gets to yelling it is not productive. I also understand that if you are in a relationship for a year and have not had an argument, beware because there might be something else wrong. What happens when you find out the person doesn't know how to argue without damaging their partner?

I try to avoid an argument unless it's over something really important.
Little petty things just aren't worth the hassle.

Just sayin'.

Arguing is a good way to clean the emotional pipes, rules 1. never say anything you can't take back The red dress does make you look fat, I hate your mother two sides of the spectrum. The importance is knowing the difference. 2.don't refight old fights. 3.Dont use absolutes "you always do this"

I make a distinction between arguing and debating.

Arguing is rarely good. To me, arguing is belittling, blunt and loud. Debating on the other hand is healthy and done with a normal speaking voice. When someone raises their voice rudely...I'm out.

I would prefer to call it an emotional discussion and the
disagree should be explained carefully so the other person
can understand where you're coming from and if you still
cannot agree it becomes necessary to make a compromise that
both parties can agree upon.

Living out loud. ...or tailored communication. ...words are like clothes and nudity is non-stop blather of every thought awake. ....intimacy is all about risking requests instructions boundaries tastes and fears being mis-understood. ...as a politician I listen more ask more than spewing sound bites and motions of parliamentary proceedure...as a lover I learn her cues. ...as a parent I correct the dictionary and make vocabulary my gift in song and preparation for school. ...argument usually happens with neighbors sports braggarts or shouting back at radio cult liars Ruuuusssssshhhhhah Dingy Crazy LIMPboss Sean Slammity et al .....know your enemies before they foreclose on your lives

I don't do it...