Tell him to wait for the Invisible Hand!
Pull em' out of the water and hand them a bill for $12000 and when they complain just say "Capitalism. It's my fee. Don't like it? I can push you back in."
Reassure them, that thanks to climate change, they'll be on dry land in no time. Or toss them paper towels. [goo.gl]
Oh, I dunno. I think I might go with thoughts and prayers and see if that works.
I’ve been bitch-slapped by the invisible hand. Not fun.